husband cheated with hooker what to do

[Babz33]

I'm new here, I just found out 2 days ago my husband got himself a bday gift and wen to a hooker. We've been married for 6 years, we have a baby boy. he was.seemed to be a good husband, supportive, good dad etc, we had good life together. I told him knew, I told him he destroyed everything for us and for our little boy to have a normal family. he said he only went once, he watches a lot of porn and this idea/fantasy hes been having for a while he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful. I don't know what to do now should I leave him?

[NotTheFordType]

LOL Sandy, no. We turn down more men than we fuck. Sex workers are a LOWER risk of STI than the general population.

OP, can you google the escort's number? I'm assuming you found this on his phone. You'll then see if she offers BB (bareback.) If she does then yes you'll be at high risk of STI. If not, you're safer than if he'd just stuck it in a co-worker.

FYI, there are many men out there who are happy to pay women for sex, and respect them. Actually I feel more respected from my punters than I ever did from, e.g. working in a call centre.

[BombadierFritz]

lol indeed

[merville]

'Civilians' can be just as disease prone as sex workers - a lot of ppl engage in a lot of drunken sex with no condoms; a lot of ppl overlap sexual partners or have them in quick succession, which spreads std's v effectively (and as others have pointed out condoms don't protect fully against e.g. HPV, herpes etc.
However on the other side of the argument; reading accounts from men who have used prostitutes seems to indicate a lot of them will have unprotected sex for the right money (though these men were American).

Either way, it's clear the OP should get screened. This is horrible and to me would be unforgivable/beyond the pale. Sorry this has happened OP.

[BummyMummy77]

I know two working ladies and they both frequently don't use condoms.

But anyway all this chat is probably not helping op.

I'm sorry. You need to leave him that's not something you can forgive, he'll probably do it again.

[Guiltypleasures001]

Sorry your going through this op,

If you forgive him this remember it may in his mind give him a hall pass for future hookups
Your self esteem and view of him is forever damaged.

This is not for you to fix, you didnt break anything, oh and this was money straight out of your
dc mouth.

[PotteringAlong]

I think people are missing the point. It's not having an STI test because he's had sex with a prostitute. It's having an STI test because he's had sex with probably numerous people who are not the op and to say "most of them were prostitutes, let's not insult them and say they had an STI, I'm sure he and, therefore I, will be fine" is staggeringly naive.

[thegoodnameshadgone]

For me, the fact he planned to cheat would make it all over.

[merville]

Yes, spontaneous is bad enough, but 'researched', planned and carried out ... his values and integrity are fk'd, so sorry OP.

[merville]

(Not to say that many others' values and integrity aren't similarly fk'd - but does that mean any of us should have to take that in a relationship?)

[salamandress]

I haven't read everything I just wanted to add that my STBXH did this about 5 years ago. I was pregnant with my 2nd DC.

It was a total shock. I partly blamed myself. I was too embarrassed to ask for proper advice.

We stayed together but had many downs (& some ups). We are finally separating. I still think that moment was the beginning of the downfall.

Good luck.......

[thegoodnameshadgone]

My ex did it before we met. Swore he didn't while together. Does it now. Get out. Your better than this. Makes no odds if it's a prostitute. He is a loser. Your a winner. Get out before he ruins your self esteem and your confidence. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Big hugs. Be strong. Make this the best break you needed. XXXX

[salamandress]

"Mine" was a one off so it does happen. He felt guilty afterwards but it didn't change anything. He was just gagging for sex. Didn't think of the repurcussions. Also porn obsessed.

[CrazyNameCrazyGuy]

Sex workers are a LOWER risk of STI than the general population

Do you have a link to the research for that? Not being sarcastic btw as the (brief) bit of Googling I did suggested FSW's are slightly more likely to be diagnosed with certain STIs. There is a suggestion however that this is because SWs access STI testing more frequently than the general population hence the higher recorded incidence rates.

"There were no significant differences in the period prevalence of HIV or syphilis between FSWs and other female attendees. Chlamydia was the most prevalent STI diagnosed in both groups with a significantly higher period prevalence among FSWs (table 3). FSWs were almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with chlamydia, and three times more likely to be diagnosed with gonorrhoea than other female attendees, adjusting for demographic factors. As FSWs made more visits on average than other female attendees, this increased prevalence may have been linked to the higher number of opportunities FSWs had to be diagnosed. *As our model did not adjust for number of visits, we also compared prevalence of STI diagnosis in those tested at first visit and found that FSWs were still twice as likely to be diagnosed with chlamydia (2.9% vs 1.3%, p

[user1474816476]

This happened to me as well. I read DH's text messages (suspected something was wrong) last December and found the same thing. First he said this was only once, then twice, and eventually it turned out it had been for the past 3 years he had been paying for sex. We are still together and working through it. We have been through a lot of stress and trying times over the past few years and he said sex was his way of coping.
I don't now what advice to give you... My DH was white of fear for days as I contemplated the future of our marriage. He didn't plead, buy flowers or any of that crap. It was serious times, but I decided to stay and made clear that if it happened again there wouldn't be another chance. So far I trust him.

Make sure you find out the reasons why he felt the needed to do this. Our sex life had been quite bad, and in a way I even felt sorry for him he had felt so alone and low as to go to a dirty prostitute. We are not in a great place at the moment, but maybe one day we'll get over this. Don't do anything rushed. If you love him, and yourself, make sure you both find out the honest reasons why this happened. Don't fall in the trap of victimising yourself and shaming him in front of everyone you know. I know it could be very easy to do, but you will thank yourself later if you take a level headed approach whatever the outcome.

[AnyFucker]

User....your skank of a lowlife cheating husband is the "dirty" one here

Where do you get off with blaming the women trying to make a living. Blame your punter of a husband. Your collusion is quite pathetic.

[LadyStoic]

'in a way I even felt sorry for him he had felt so alone and low as to go to a dirty prostitute'

That's just wrong on so many fucking levels User

I get from what you've said that you'll be hanging on to anything that'll somehow help you 'work through this', but pitying a cheating DH and dissing another woman who for whatever reason sells her fucking body to dirty pricks like your DH is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

[LadyStoic]

Ditto make sure you find out the reasons why he felt the needed to do this

NEEDED to?

FFS.

OP I hope the GUM results are fine (& do get tested ASAP) and no, I couldn't stay with someone who has just done this. I feel for you, but you must know the chances of you 'finding out' the 'first time' are literally zero

[AnyFucker]

Op, it looks like you are long gone

But on the off chance you are still reading, let the post of that deluded handmaiden above be a warning to you

If I ever end up like that, I hope somebody will put me out of my misery

[LadyStoic]

I will AF if you promise do the same in return for me?

Between that post and the 'free date/feeling better being dumped if you haven't paid for the meal' thread I am genuinely wondering what parallel universe I've stumbled into tonight.

[AnyFucker]

< pinky promise >

[GingerbreadLatteToGo]

I'm hand washing my socks & ordering tomorrows paper.

[Atenco]

in a way I even felt sorry for him he had felt so alone and low as to go to a dirty prostitute'

The only one I feel sorry for is the prostitute and the only dirty one is him.

I think I would be happier keeping a man who gave into a passion for another woman, than a man who treats women as a commodity and is indifferent to all the cruelty involved in the sex trade.

[PeppasNanna]

MN has finally shocked me!!!
When the fuck will these women wake up & realise whst utter bastards they are in relationships with??
user your husband has done a grest job on you... reread your post please.

Op best of luck...
LTB he's so not worth it!

[Googlebabe]

Yes, leave him. He is lying to you.

[HelenaDove]

Jesus User. I find your post misogynistic and highly suspicious.