husband cheated with hooker what to do

[Babz33]

I'm new here, I just found out 2 days ago my husband got himself a bday gift and wen to a hooker. We've been married for 6 years, we have a baby boy. he was.seemed to be a good husband, supportive, good dad etc, we had good life together. I told him knew, I told him he destroyed everything for us and for our little boy to have a normal family. he said he only went once, he watches a lot of porn and this idea/fantasy hes been having for a while he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful. I don't know what to do now should I leave him?

Op I am so sorry, what a horrible thing to happen.

You also know that this is not the first time he has used a prostitute. But it has been the first time he has been caught.

It would be a deal breaker for me - for 4 main reasons.

1. He cheated
2. He lied about it being the first time.
3. I cannot respect any man who thinks it's a good idea to use a prostitute.
4. He has been putting your sexual health at risk for years.

I would be beyond furious, I would throw him out and tell everyone why.

If ever my other half had an affair, I'd insist on an STI test - but that would be regardless of who they had it with and what their status/profession was.

The inference that because the woman was a sex worker she's bound to be crawling in diseases is insulting to her - you're much more likely to get something from a casual fling with someone from the pub or a nightclub. Majority of escorts do not work 'uncovered' ie they use condoms for intercourse at all times and will never ever break that rule (and for many that includes oral as well which they also won't do without a condom - sensible ladies if you ask me).

Not much consolation I know but just wanted to point that out.

Babz33 I'm so sorry for what you've found out. I'm also sorry to say that more than likely he has been to her, or another escort, before and it's not just the once. So sorry this has happened to you, you must be in complete shock.

pollyanna - I understand your point but I am not sure I agree.

While it takes only one sexual partner to potentially pass on an STI, the higher the number of partners we have then the chances of infection also increase.
We are more likely to catch a cold on a bus than driving in a car.

Prostitutes by the nature of their activities are more vulnerable to infection than non sex workers. Condoms do cut risk but don't eliminate it.

Poor guy. The only time he used a prostitute and he got caught. What is the likelihood of that?

Did you suspect him? Why would an "appointment confirmed" text would arouse any suspicions?
Not criticising you, just asking if his behaviour indicated there might be more.

Him saying that he made 2 appointments that he never showed up to suggest that there's more evidence to be found.

BTW, don't feel ashamed. It didn't happen to you. He did it to you. He should be ashamed, not you! You should be angry, disappointed, sad, but not ashamed.

It's easy to be glib online and say LTB, it's a much more daunting prospect in real life. for you OP, this is horrible.

If it was me, I would be kicking him out and letting everyone know why. It's terribly sad, but I could never reclaim a normal relationship or family life after that. You'd be better off single than with a man who can do this to his family.

has anyone ever went through anything like that?

I am not sure why this would be anything different to a partner spending money on a night out on the town and then sleeping with somebody else. Equally as bad and if it destroyed what you had, which is looks like it has, then start again.

Can you ever trust anyone again? Trust is down to you. If you believe that everyone else is capable of straying (they are) and that they will (they may not) then you have a conflict you need to resolve. Not everyone strays.

Trust would be gone. He'd have to leave

He had clearly been planning it a while if he's made 3 appointments - even if he didn't attend two of them.

There is absolutely no going back after this. Forgive him that and he'll give himself carte blanche to do whatever the hell he likes forever. He made promises to you in public to forsake all others and he's broken that promise irrevocably.

Made two appointments and didn't keep them? Honestly, believe that and you're a bigger fool than he is.

What's most distressing is the knowledge that he believes women are pure commodities to be bought and sold at will. A "birthday present" to himself? boak

End it now and tell everyone what he's done. I'd be on the phone to his family before you could say "knife". Make the bastard suffer

Men who buy women have no respect for women.

I wouldn't have my DC around such a person.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. He has.

He's cheated - horrible. He thinks of women as nothing more than objects that he can buy in order to ejaculate into - even more horrible. He's put your health at risk.

Kick the bastard out and get to a GUM clinic.

So sorry you are going through this, it is awful to find out someone you thought you knew and trusted has cheated with someone. Nobody can tell you what to do but if it was me I would not stay.
It doesnt matter if she was an escort or a non sex worker, cheating is cheating and you dont know how many times he had done so, its just this time he got caught.
Do please get yourself checked out because you do not know how many other women there have been.

Sorry to hear what's happened to you

Nothing like this has ever happened to me, if it did, I'd leave him

What to do?
Kick him out.
Seek a divorce.

Please don't feel under pressure to react straight away. Bide your time and gather your feelings. In the meantime please be kind to yourself. It isn't a reflection on you

Pollyanna9 - agree 100%

so many women ignorant to sex workers, when I was in university the girls who were studying nursing and to be doctors were shagging guys every night and bareback but because they are now nurses and doctors it means their "hoe days" are erased?
Just because someone is a sex worker doesn't mean they have diseases or you are better than them.

He cheated on you. The fact that he did it with someone who wouldn't have allowed him if they weren't financially in need makes it worse not better.

'Men who buy women have no respect for women'

This ^

Game over for me. No question.

"hoe days"??? wtf

anyway, back to op, yes dont feel you have to do anything straight away. you will be in shock and need time to let all this sink in.

I have experience of working with escorts. Unless he booked a different girl each time or booked through entirely different agencies (many of the agencies in an area tend to just be one with different websites for different tastes) his number would be blocked after failing to turn up at the first appointment. Theres no way he could have chickened out twice unless he booked using a different number each time.

Even IF he hasn't done it before, if he hadn't been caught he would have done it again, and again.

Separation and divorce is awful, but you get through it and over it in time.

Men who buy women have no respect for women.

I don't agree with that ^ I don't think it is about respect at all. There are plenty of men out there that are willing to pay woman such as young beautiful escorts money to sleep with them because they know they would not stand a chance with them anywhere else, sad I know... But it happens.

He bought himself access to a woman's body as a birthday present to himself?

Well isn't he a prince.

Well if you think buying a human being to use them as a wank sock shows respect, that's your right. I don't.