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Original poster

Going on a date with NO money?

174 replies

HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 24/09/2016 16:01

My friend thinks it is acceptable to go on a date with 0 in my pocket.

I have a new guy in my life and he has invited me out tonight, I literally have 0 in my account until Monday so I declined. Whilst I believe that if a guy invites you out he should pay I wouldn't ever leave the house without money, you just don't know what will happen.

She is telling me I am being stupid and I will lose him if I keep declining dates, its only been twice.

What do you think about this?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 25/09/2016 09:07

Been rolling my eyeballs at this thread.
No, never go on a date with no money.
No, never expect a man to pay.
Always offer to pay half.

I insist on paying half or take it in turns. I earn much more than most guys I have dated so if I suggest something special I position it as my treat which I think is perfectly acceptable either way round.

Original poster
HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 25/09/2016 18:19

No I did not go on the date because I did not have money aye you're really obsessed with trying to bully people to think like you arent you? get over yourself nobody gives a hoot about you or your deluded opinions

OP posts:
Original poster
HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 25/09/2016 18:23

Well I don't believe going out to eat is a "treat"
A "treat" to me is a pair of shoes or jewellery.
Going out for a 50 quid dinner really is nothing to get excited over.
Some of you really have low self esteem and expectations if you think dinner is something special my god lol

OP posts:
LouisvilleLlama · 25/09/2016 18:26

Whilst I disagree with your stance with every ounce of my being, I do think MN can pile on or seem to because many people read a thread and give their opinion which is the same as previous posters so it can seem piling on but I don't think it's meant to. However:

get over yourself nobody gives a hoot about you or your deluded opinions

You posted literally to get people's opinions.

travellinglighter · 25/09/2016 18:26

If I knew up front that you were broke then I would offer to pay and say you can treat me next time. I have actually done this with an ex girlfriend. I had tickets to a comedy show, she couldn’t afford it.

celeste83 · 25/09/2016 18:28

I'm sure if a lady went on a date and the guy turned up with no money then 99% of woman would never call a second date so i don't think it should be any different vice versa. Woman can't expect gender equality at their choosing. I'd be embarrassed if i could not at least buy a round of coffee or drinks.

LouisvilleLlama · 25/09/2016 18:30

And now you're just being nasty and restarting the thread after it had essentially died so I think you may be looking for attention.

People who have different amounts of money classify other things as a treat, and in fact if you're that broke to live pay check to pay check then Id say £50 for a dinner for you is a lot.

FWIW I don't agree with men paying as I feel like it should be mutual that you want to go on a date and not you going just for a free meal, you aren't doing him a favour

SheldonsSpot · 25/09/2016 18:36

Going out for a 50 quid dinner really is nothing to get excited over.

Odd attitude from someone who has had literally £0 in their bank account for days.

SheldonsSpot · 25/09/2016 18:38

Or perhaps one of the reasons why you're skint.

LouisvilleLlama · 25/09/2016 18:39

Exactly why I think OPs here to stir shit, i wonder if this thread was real as it seems OP has just been coming back just to keep it going. You can't be broke as fuck that you have nothing and say £50 is nothing

ChocolateWombat · 25/09/2016 18:43

Dating is something which costs money. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, regardless of whether one person pays and 'treats' the other (treating being an accepted term for offering to pay for someone else - the term treat, meaning it isn't the usual way of things, but an unusual thing....implying that normally people pay for themesleves) at some point you will have to and should expect to spend some money.

Early on in dating, whilst the other person might pay, it would be wrong to expect it to happen and to go out without the means to offer to at least pay your way, would be presumptuous, daft and potentially dangerous if you were left unable to get home. So yes, in the early stages of dating I think no money means no date.

Later on, if things have moved on a bit, it would be possible to say you had no money and if they offered to pay, then you could go. It would be right, to be making clear that later when you have money again, you expect to return the favour. Even if one person does end up paying more of the time, it's important that the other person at least offers and is genuine in that offer.

It's like all things....if you have the money you can afford them and if not....sadly you have to go without until you have the money.

And I find it odd that people who have zero money think a £50 meal is nothing. Perhaps this is why they have no money.....little sense of the value of money perhaps? How about going on a cheaper date - just a drink......there are loads of other options which can be cheaper.

riceuten · 25/09/2016 18:44

If you declined a date and didn't suggest a date when you did have money, that could be an issue. He may just think you're "just not that into him", rather than brassic

expatinscotland · 25/09/2016 18:44

'I'm sure if a lady went on a date and the guy turned up with no money then 99% of woman would never call a second date so i don't think it should be any different vice versa.'

I actually went on a date where this happened. A first date (we'd met online). He had ordered an expensive starter, steak main course, dessert, Irish coffee. Then he told me he'd forgotten his wallet. But he had his keys and phone. I laughed and laughed. 'Better phone a friend then.' He was actually astonished I wasn't going to pay for his meal. I paid for what I ate and drank and left. Fucking chancer.

LouisvilleLlama · 25/09/2016 18:49

Expat but women do the same and get away with it most of the time, I'd love to do it and see how many women would be willing to pay for a whole date. It's just my opinion but the only reason I think most men do it is because it's been drilled into them that they must and it's shameful if you don't

Nicky978 · 25/09/2016 18:51

He probably would pay if he asked you, but you should take something just in case.. could be embarrassing! Borrow some or wait until you have a bit!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 25/09/2016 18:51

I think you've done the right thing, OP. Too soon to talk about money. No need to get yourself into debt. Reschedule for a time when you'll have money (and start saving to have a cushion for times like this).

I also wouldn't think much of a man who didn't offer to pay on a proper date. If it's a first coffee or something, not so much.

The problem with raging feminists is they are so busy not allowing anyone to tell them what to do, they haven't stopped to examine their own bossy, belittling behaviour in telling other women exactly what they should be doing. I have absolutely no problem with some women thinking men should pay and others thinking they shouldn't. It's called diversity. Something we should be affirming.

Phalenopsisgirl · 25/09/2016 18:54

I do think if he asked you out on 'a date' he should pick up the tab but I, like you would never go without money because a-you can't be sure he'll pay and b- if I realised I didn't fancy going out with him again I would insist on going Dutch as there would be no opportunity for next time to be my treat. I don't think you should lie about other commitments, just be honest, then if he still insists on a drink/meal somewhere within walking distance on him then he obviously is keen and that shouldn't be rebuffed.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2016 18:59

'Expat but women do the same and get away with it most of the time, I'd love to do it and see how many women would be willing to pay for a whole date.'

Do they? Just say no the way I did.

mathanxiety · 25/09/2016 19:00

LOL at someone supporting 'diversity' and casting aspersions on that pack of meanies, the 'raging feminists' [hiss-boo].

I am 51 and have declined dates at a time when I was flat stony broke. I have urged my DDs, three of whom are adults now, to always go dutch.

There are far too many men out there who have the idea that buying a young woman dinner means she is his for the rest of the night.

MrsHathaway · 25/09/2016 19:01

he obviously is keen and that shouldn't be rebuffed

You can rebuff anyone, even if he's a philanthropic billionaire with a solid gold cock and a penchant for romcoms. If you're not keen then you can always say no thanks.

mathanxiety · 25/09/2016 19:02

Plus, how do you get home if you decide you want to get out of there, without money?

Tobeemoree · 25/09/2016 19:05

HRTFT in it's entirety. But; no. You are responsible for your own safety. Whether that is environment, situation or circumstances. Not to mention (and this isn't the smallest consideration) being in an equal situation to the person you're with. I would prefer not to impose on someone, and in that I agree with the OP.

bunnyfuller · 25/09/2016 19:09

Why not just say you're a bit hard up for the next couple of days and suggest a nice walk instead?

Phalenopsisgirl · 25/09/2016 19:11

If he still wanted to go out even though he was aware she wasn't able to pay her share, then I would call that keen. I'm not suggesting op has an obligation to go on a date with every man who can afford to take her out! I though we had already established she would like to go but couldn't afford it.

LouisvilleLlama · 25/09/2016 19:14

Do they? Just say no the way I did

I've heard horror stories from friends about women making a scene when a friend has thought the date went terrible and they didn't feel like paying for he whole date, as well as getting judged. The default in society seems that it's ok for women not to pay, men not so much.

Look at this thread over 100 replies and I'd say 2-3 mentions of the woman paying for the whole date, some are shocked they should even consider paying their half. It's common among men but doesn't even come Into women's thinking as a possibility

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