Going on a date with NO money?

[HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld]

My friend thinks it is acceptable to go on a date with 0 in my pocket.

I have a new guy in my life and he has invited me out tonight, I literally have 0 in my account until Monday so I declined. Whilst I believe that if a guy invites you out he should pay I wouldn't ever leave the house without money, you just don't know what will happen.

She is telling me I am being stupid and I will lose him if I keep declining dates, its only been twice.

What do you think about this?

harshbuttrue - ha, funny you should say that, DS1 is not quite 17, but 14, and he just took a girl to the cinema this afternoon and paid - though it's NOT a date of course . So we'll see how that pans out.

There are actually a lot of men who can get offended if you offer to pay too often and DH was one of them. I know loads of men like this - obviously they would not appeal to everyone though!

Whilst I believe that if a guy invites you out he should pay

Are we back in the 1950s? Or do you ask men out and then you are the one who pays?

If men are expected to pay every time they go out with someone, then that almost justifies the pay gap. Yuck!

But you could still have honestly said you didn't have any money, unless this is early on in your dating and you might want to take a taxi to get away.

I earn a lot more than my DH, over the years that has fluctuated. We've been together since school and neither of us had much money. I'd have stayed in a lot if we hadn't had a fair attitude. I have a ds and the idea he should pay more than a his partner is depressing.

Harsh I'm interested in the answer to that question too. Should we be giving more money to our male DC to balance out this antiquated idea?

There is something about the man paying 100% and an expectation of sex. I'm genuinely surprised that people think this is OK. Mind you I don't think it's for the man to deign to propose either. My DH and I are well suited.

Mojito& - I don't think you can say it's generational - I'm considerably older than you but would always expect (and have always expected) to pay my way. Doesn't necessarily mean going halves on every purchase, but if one treats one time then the other treats the next - or one drives, the other gets the parking. One pays to go in somewhere the other gets the coffees / snacks / whatever treats, and so forth.
My dc do the same.

I believe what I believe that is why.

Better make sure the lucky fellow who gets to accompany you "believes" the same thing, could lead to some embarrassing encounters otherwise.

I believe what I believe that is why

Ok Chicken Little

I believe what I believe that is why.

Have you ever considered a career in law? You make your arguement so well. I'm totally convinced.

It pays well too.

Well actually he does believe that thankfully for me.

he does earn more than me.

on another note, You wont change my opinion either, I don't understand why people come here with their opinions trying to force it on others, its MY opinion.

In some European countries it's illegal to go out without money.

Can we see some reference to which country made up this law?

Not sure what the issue is then OP.

He thinks he should pay.

You think he should pay.

Borrow a tenner for an emergency taxi (or ask him to sub you) and go on the date.

Not sure why you are hand-wringing on MN about it.

I know it's old fashioned but when I was a young woman in the early 80s where I lived , most the girls my age worked in shops and the boys we dated had jobs in car factories and the local pit, most earned at least 4x what we got and so they paid. They were more than embarrassed if you offered to pay. I know times have changed but this is what happened

CrazyName not what you are hand-wringing on this thread about

The 'going out without money' law might be nestled in here. No idea if this list is true but I kind of hope it is.

Alabama

"It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church."

www.truthin7minutes.com/weird-laws/

I always thought that the person who suggests the date should expect to pay, however if I was asked on a date I would take money and offer to pay my share. Partly because I think its the right thing to do and also because if the date is terrible there is no bad feeling if one person paid and then got a knockback for a second date.

I spend a lot of time in Switzerland and my Swiss boss has told me the thing about it not being legal to be out without money - it's a vagrancy law. The police don't go around making "ordinary" people turn out their pockets, but it's a 'useful' law if they want to move on homeless people from a particular street corner
I don't have the inclination to google research it now, but several Swiss colleagues have discussed it before.

As to the people who think men should pay because of the gender pay gap... I best call my fiancé for a refund of last night. I paid for theatre tickets for 5, and he paid for interval drinks for 2. My take home is about 3x his. But - he should pay, on account of his penis

I've heard the "mustn't go out without money" thing before, with reference to the Queen being the only person who goes out without money and can therefore have a neat little handbag for her hanky and lipstick.

I wouldn't go on a date or night out with no money in my pocket even if I thought it wouldn't cost me anything. As pps have said, you never know when you'll need a taxi or similar.

Please expand OP, I'm interested in how this works.

So you (and he) think he should pay. Is that because he earns more? Or is it because he has a penis?

If you earned more, would you pay?

What if there was no penis involved - would the highest earner pay or is it split 50/50 because there's no implied chance of sex? So you and your pal go out for dinner and a catch-up, does the higher earner pay? Or because neither has a penis would you just sit there awkwardly all night staring at the bill? Or would you offer to do the dishes in the restaurant, like a good little woman?

Can't believe there are people who would borrow money, use a credit card or go into overdraft for a date.

most men do have more spare cash though.
women who have children and are single parents are often limited to disposal income due to paying most of there income taking care of there children.
Men who have children and are the NRP don't have to pay the day to day costs of having children live with them and the few I know pay minimum child support and have the rest of there income for themselves.
They are also not limited on what hours/jobs they do because of childcare.
An unskilled male can get jobs on building sites etc and earn a good wage whereas an unskilled female worker will probably end up in retail or care work which is female dominated but crap pay.
I guess it boils down to if the man does earn more should he mostly pay on dates?

Why are people giving this OP such a hard time. She hasn't even gone on the date with no money

What is there to expand on? Some men expect to pay on dates - yes newsflash!! It's not about expecting sex (necessarily). It's a gesture and they do it because they believe it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

But if you want to split the bill nobody's stopping you. Find a man that expects that and have fun.

I was young in the 80s. I went out with men who earned more than me. I always paid my way.

My daughters (early twenties) never assume their higher earning partners will pay for them on nights out.

I always make sure they have an extra tenner for emergency taxi, as I always had a fiver back in the day for the same.

Before mobiles, I always had the right money for phone boxes too, in case I had to call taxi etc.

It's about being safe, your own person, deciding when you want to leave.
It's independence.

I wouldn't without at least an emergency can fare and having told him upfront that could we leave it until next week because I'm skint. If he offers to pay fair enough but I would not want to go out with zero cash.

"In some European countries it's illegal to go out without money."

Laws are made, not 'made up'. I don't know in which country it was made first, but I know it's the law in France and Belgium and a poster has mentioned Switzerland. The reason I mentioned it is because it's good practice to always have a little bit of money on you, then you don't have to be one of these people begging for the bus fare home or going to the police because you're stuck.

Would not leave the house now without money, leaves you wayyyy too vulnerable. I would also prefer to pay on a first date so he doesn't think you owe him anything.