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Original poster

Going on a date with NO money?

174 replies

HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 24/09/2016 16:01

My friend thinks it is acceptable to go on a date with 0 in my pocket.

I have a new guy in my life and he has invited me out tonight, I literally have 0 in my account until Monday so I declined. Whilst I believe that if a guy invites you out he should pay I wouldn't ever leave the house without money, you just don't know what will happen.

She is telling me I am being stupid and I will lose him if I keep declining dates, its only been twice.

What do you think about this?

OP posts:
Atenco · 24/09/2016 19:54

Definitely not a generational thing, in my case it is a feminist thing. I never agreed with the pay gap and when it became easier for women to earn as much as men, I didn't think it was fair to keep on expecting them to pay. And I'm in my mid-sixties.

You either want equality or you don't.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/09/2016 19:55

"Illegal to go out without money?? How would that be enforced?"

Lots of laws aren't enforced on a daily basis, littering, for example, but I suppose that if you asked a police officer for help because you had no money for the bus home you'd get a telling off for breaking the law in the first place.

Gwenhwyfar · 24/09/2016 19:57

"Er, No. No law exists re: going out without money."

Er. I said in SOME countries.

Trills · 24/09/2016 19:57

I believe what I believe that is why.

You don't sound like a very thoughtful person.

You are at least a more practical person than your friend.

IloveJudgeJudy · 24/09/2016 20:24

In France in the 80s and still is current, I think, a law that you can't go out penniless and Germany, too. Like Cabrinha said, it's vagrancy laws. I think there may be the same kind of law here, too, just not really used.

Original poster
HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 24/09/2016 21:37

AyeAmarok
Read very carefully:
You will NEVER change my opinion on this and I will NOT get into an argument with you over it. It is MY opinion, get over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 24/09/2016 21:40

Trills
Neither do you.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 24/09/2016 21:44

Well I actually don't think a guy paying for you when he invites you out is anything to do with equality.

If you go out for dinner with a guy and pay, have sex with him and he does not call you ever again, does it make you feel better that you paid for his dinner to use you?
Either way the guy still used you.

I don't see the relevance of someone paying for dinner making you feel dominate over them, it sounds childish and insecure.

OP posts:
Trills · 24/09/2016 21:44

Thanks for your opinion.

Going on a date with NO money?
Paddingtonthebear · 24/09/2016 21:46

Very unwise to go out without any money. Anything could happen.

I think you did the right thing, if he only asked today then your excuse of having other plans is more than feasible.

I would message tomorrow, if you like him, and suggest a drink one night next week?

Floggingmolly · 24/09/2016 21:50

Op, if you've already established that this guy is going to cover all your expenses tonight and is happy to do so (I'd love to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation), what exactly is your question?
Will it look bad to have an empty purse that will not see the light of day no matter what happens to be in it??
You're a bit of a parasite really. No shame.

AyeAmarok · 24/09/2016 22:11

But, but, but, I wanted to broaden my mind!

I'm not trying to change your 1950's opinion, I want to understand it. To do that I need someone to break it down into its parts of construction, eg penis/no penis, earnings level and disclosure of such, offer of sex in return, invitation v suggestion of meet-up, etc.

Help me understand.

(as an aside, your post to me gave me a total flashback to childhood of my mother answering my "whyyyyy can't I?" question with "Watch my lips: because I said so".)

Madinche1sea · 24/09/2016 22:31

Aye - don't worry about it too much. It's generally nothing to do with earnings or expectations of sex. Some men just see it as good manners.

That type clearly wouldn't appeal to you, but each to their own.

AyeAmarok · 24/09/2016 22:39

Good manners to offer.

Very, very bad manners to accept it, every time, and never reciprocate.

Men like manners as much as women do.

AyeAmarok · 24/09/2016 22:41

Of course, some men like you to show your good manners by giving them the sex that they have bought.

You're right, that type doesn't appeal to me.

Madinche1sea · 24/09/2016 22:50

But the OP didn't even go on the date and people are calling her a parasite! Confused

It's been a while, but I don't remember ever feeling obliged to have sex, just because someone had paid for dinner. Even if a man did expect it - so what?

AyeAmarok · 24/09/2016 23:07

She only didn't go because she wouldn't be able to get home if something went wrong and she wanted to make an escape. Not because it's extremely bad manners to turn up for a date with neither the means nor intention of contributing a single penny.

I also notice that the suggestion of PPs that OP asks him to go out another night next week has been ignored - probably because then OP would have asked him and then she might have to pay as the inviter! Grin

mumofone1234 · 24/09/2016 23:14

Exactly Madeinche1sea.

Why would you feel obligated to have sex with someone just because they paid?Confused. I am not a prostitute.

I am quite a high earner so tend to earn more than the guys I date. But I would rather do cheap/free things than go dutch on a first date. You will laugh when I say I am a feminist Grin. I actually am, but I have noticed that in dating you just can't change how the sexes are wired. I have given in and realised that it only works when you allow a man to be the pursuer.

TheStoic · 24/09/2016 23:40

It's so heartwarming to see the passion about men's rights equality here.

I'm sure men are equally up in arms about the pay gap. Oh wait.

OP, nobody should go out without money, purely for safety reasons. You've done the right thing. But tell him why so he understands and knows you're still interested.

mumofone1234 · 25/09/2016 00:17

Stoic Grin

Dieu · 25/09/2016 00:28

Couldn't you just have suggested a meal at your place, or if that's too soon, a picnic in the park or coffee out?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 25/09/2016 01:07

I'm sure men are equally up in arms about the pay gap. Oh wait.

Pay gap or earnings gap?

AmeliaJack · 25/09/2016 02:35

I have given in and realised that it only works when you allow a man to be the pursuer

Mumofone dear lord who are these men you've been seeing? I know no men like this!

My Mum (who dated in the 1960s) brought me up (dating in the 1990s) to always pay my way as well as having emergency taxi money in a corner of my hand bag.

None of my male friends would expect to always pay.

Atenco · 25/09/2016 04:21

I'm sure men are equally up in arms about the pay gap

The type of men I hang out with are.

BlancheBlue · 25/09/2016 08:35

I have given in and realised that it only works when you allow a man to be the pursuer.

FFS this thread is like the 50s again.