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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

999 replies

PrizeyPrize · 20/09/2016 20:17

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 26/09/2016 08:47

Do trying to set up to meet Carguy on Friday firstly tricky due to both are jobs and lives one single night we are both free in a two week period (though that slightly appeals not having someone around all the time). So having narrowed down the day we are both struggling to suggest an location, so I have bitten the bullet and suggested a pub between us and maybe suggested dinner- after all we both have to eat. Is a 'date' where you actually get to talk very old fashioned now?

Hueandcry · 26/09/2016 09:17

I've done it. Deleted everything. The last straw was being 'superliked' by someone who lives 100 miles away & had a profile pic of his shoes FFS

MrsLannister · 26/09/2016 09:21

Hi ladies I've been following for a long time now, I was on several threads back (not a regular poster but I got lots of fab advice) and I just wanted to tell you my story to give you all a little bit of hope that these bloody sites can sometimes work!

I had been single for five years (five years!!!) and not a single sniff of a guy even glancing at me in real life. I did the whole 'it must be me, there must be something wrong with me' shebang but eventually decided to chase romance and get online dating.

I experienced everything you guys are going through, rude messages, people ghosting, cancelling dates, everything! I met a guy a few times and he ghosted me after I delivered the moose burgers after a few dates and I was thoroughly pissed off and demoralised. I deleted pof and decided to develop a new attitude. I registered on tinder after some good advice on here about guys only being able to message after they had matched with you and decided to treat it as a pen pal situation. I was bored in the evenings and I thought if nothing else it was someone to chat to during my lonely evenings when dc was in bed...

I didn't have a lot of matches on tinder but got talking to mr computer who worked away and I thought 'well...it's someone to chat to, he can be my pen pal'

It transpired that I was the only match that bothered speaking to him and we have been dating ever since. He is thoroughly wonderful and I honestly, honestly never thought I'd find anyone like him. A few months down the line he has met dc and they get on like a house on fire and we are going on our first holiday together on Friday!!

I hope this (very long!) post gives you all hope that there are decent guys out there, and I hope you don't think I'm rubbing it in or anything.although I had to go through crap situations it was worth it in the end. I know you'll all get there too!

Dieu · 26/09/2016 10:00

So happy for you MrsL. Result!! Smile Star

loobyloo1234 · 26/09/2016 10:15

Morning all

Hope everyone is ok Smile

So no OLD for me this weekend, mad and busy weekend. But I met a guy Sat night ... lovely, handsome, full of compliments ... messaged me all day yesterday ... BUT is 7 years younger than me FFS Hmm I must be really immature, I only ever attract guys that are far too young for me in RL Blush

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 10:18

Morning all, after another weekend of no action I'm hitting up some folks on okstupid.

I've got beardyguy who wants to see me on Saturday, I'm trying to get him to meet for a quick coffee as I'm loathe to commit to my weekend due to my recent experience with achy body guy.

Then there's clever guy, seems nice enough sent a pleasant first message so I'll see what comes of it and Walesguy who lives rather far away but I eventually want to move to Wales so am going to treat him as a penpal as mrsl did and pick his brains on Wales and what it's like to live there.

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 10:23

looby
Morning, I totally get what you mean, the last guy I snogged on a night out was 20, I'm 34. Last year's me didn't care and was well up for pulling youngsters but I don't want to anymore hence the reason it's cracking on for nearly year and I've got 1 snog on my action list but I don't want a one night stand, been there and done that plenty so I'll wait and hopefully it's not going to go much past a year.

I digress, do you like this guy? How old is he? 7 years doesn't have to be that big of an age gap. I guess it depends how much you like him Vs what you want.

Keep us posted

Destinysdaughter · 26/09/2016 11:28

MrsL thanks for your story, glad it's worked out for you! Think the idea of treating someone as a pen pal and just someone to chat to in the evening is a good one as it takes the pressure off. Might try that.

I'm meeting someone new tomorrow. Seems nice enough so far, similar age, professional job, polite. Will see if we ' click ' when we meet...

loobyloo1234 · 26/09/2016 12:12

I'm 33 Roo ... Blush

He's text me again today asking me out for a drink this week. He knows I'm old ... go or not to go? I guess there's no harm in it is there?

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 12:21

So he's 26? I say go for it Smile

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 12:22

You're not old BTW!!!!!

Topknob · 26/09/2016 12:25

Mrfridaynight got in touch to say he had to work and was very sorry. Knowing about his work and where it is this is plausible.
We are texting still at the moment.
He lives a 10 min walk from my house as well. One more fuck up and I will block him.

The mrlocal who lives 3 mins from my house was going to meet me for coffee this morning. He is actually 27 and I am 39 so I wasn't that keen.
However after syncing fb with my contacts Wink I have discovered he is in a relationship apparently with a young woman in a nearby town and they have a child.
He has been calling and texting all morning.
do I explain why I am not replying or just block

One other is mrnice, he works in my town and lives in the town next to mine.
He is nice, has a job which to me means he will probably be a lovely person.
We have msg for a day or so.

Texfactor · 26/09/2016 12:27

Oh god, go for it Looby
I would!
I jumped ship from Ok Stupid after giving Owl-guy my email address & he bloody well emailed Wink
He's been a pen pal for a few weeks now but might meet up next week. He's ten years older but I don't care about that - he seems pretty lovely so let's see....

Mrsfluff · 26/09/2016 12:28

MrsL that's lovely to hear Smile

How long, on average, do you all chat on line/text with blokes, before meeting?

Texfactor · 26/09/2016 12:30

Top

have discovered he is in a relationship apparently with a young woman in a nearby town and they have a child

What a total shit!

PamelaFlitton31 · 26/09/2016 12:31

Hi all - I've been lurking but have de-lurked to post this which I found this morning
vimeo.com/183372429?utm_source=Emerald%20Street&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=7568194_20160926%20%5BES-DS%5D%20Mon&dm_i=25MN,4I7NM,GBZSUL,GNTRQ,1

I'm not OLD at the moment but met my ex-p on Match. We were together for 4 years & although has now ended we had some great times and I don't regret meeting him at all.

Having said that I am reluctant to try it again - it's too soon for me anyway but the idea of meeting new people and either liking them or not liking them (don't know which is worse) makes me feel tired!

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 12:47

top What an absolute arsehole!! I'd block him immediately.

mrsf I don't know what the general consensus on here is but personally I'd rather swap numbers pretty much straight away then arrange a date within a couple of days. I can't be arsed chatting to someone for ages online before meeting them as I think you can build up a false picture and be disappointed when you do meet. I'd much rather do a click test and meet in person.

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 12:48

Tex Go for it. You've got nothing to lose and 10 years is acceptable imo

Topknob · 26/09/2016 12:49

tex
I know !

roo
I have just now blocked him. I didn't send a message saying why either.

loobyloo1234 · 26/09/2016 13:03

Welcome Pamela

I have discovered he is in a relationship apparently with a young woman in a nearby town and they have a child.

Top I would've text him to tell him why. It might panic him enough not to mess his poor girlfriend around the twat Hmm

RooDaisy · 26/09/2016 13:16

Good on you top, like looby says it might teach him a lesson. Total twat. Thank god you found out now

Mrsfluff · 26/09/2016 16:25

Hmm, I think that might be the way to go in future Roo. The 2 guys I'm in contact with both come across well in writing, but I'd like to have sussed them out in person by now.............although the flirting is fun Blush

Top he sounds vile Angry

Destinysdaughter · 26/09/2016 18:08

Personally I like to meet face to face fairly quickly too. Stops you building up a false pic of what they are like in your mind. Also some guys seem to just want to message. If they won't meet you then it's a sign they are probably not serious.

Mrsfluff · 26/09/2016 21:32

Thanks Destiny, that's definitely someting to consider.

Well me and Mr Flirty have been messaging lots today, with the messages getting progressively flirty. Then he rang and we actually had a really nice chat. Call was cut short, so he's ringing later. I'm hoping we'll make plans to meet............fingers crossed!!

InvoluntaryCelibacy · 26/09/2016 23:53

Hey place marking here and also I have a quick question. I'm sorry I haven't read your previous posts but I intend to get stuck in i'm new to OLD (sort of)

You know if someone asks you a stupid question i.e. 'Why are you single?' Right at the beginning of a conversation, what do you do?

This has just happened to me and I've blocked them. Is that a bit harsh? I've got a few conversations going and my reasoning is that I don't think anything good will come from a person who is so forthright and, i think, disrespectful

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