Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

OK bold fail - how on earth do you do it??

You aren't. It will happen. OLD really sucks at times though. Which sites are you using?

I used Eharmony and had a relationship of a year then one of 5-6 months. Both turned out lying cheaters.

Match was just grim.

Met someone on Tinder who seemed decent but seems to have ghosted me now after saying he wanted to see me again. I really liked him. :(

Hue - * before and after the words/sentence

Roo - I hear you. Im cynical as hell too. But you know how it is. If you have a late night, or go to the gym etc, it only starts hitting you later the next day? I know I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt but I would give him one more chance at least? you can blame me if he messes up again

Queen - Ghosters are the worst. But you aren't alone. I was ghosted yesterday but that wasn't the first time tbh. You'll find many of us have been there. He may get back in touch, he may not. So as I said yday, onto the next one ... don't give up hope

Looby
My usual harsh approach hasn't worked this far and I came on for a different perspective so I'll give him another chance. I'm going to get him to come to me though, my town, rather than meeting half way.

I'll message him now and report back tomorrow. I'll also read the rest of the thread so I can offer my (harsh) opinion

Its been a few weeks now. He is in a very busy job.

He said he wanted to see me again. We got on blah blah.

On the subject of ghosting. I'd be inclined to be the grown up and just text a 'been nice knowing you but this isn't for me/I've met someone else/you were shit in bed' just shuts the door, but that's just my opinion. The ghosting is just so spineless, disrespectful and immature. I don't know how it's become a 'thing'.

Someone recommended Elite Singles to me today, anyone have experience of it? It's rather pricey but might filter out the fuckboys.
I'm also interested in 'my single friend'. Anyone used that one before?

Brilliant article here for anyone after some bedtime reading http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

He was kinda shit in bed. But I guess the first couple of times are never gonna be that good anyway. it takes practice.

he is one of those perplexing ones that kept suggesting all the meetings an things to do in advance and then just vanishes.

I think people like that enjoy the small element of control they can exercise, by keeping people hanging on and wondering. It's woefully inadequate!

He did seem a little inadequate. He was mid thirties and never had a relationship last longer than 6 months.

I already had a 3 year relationship under my belt by the time I was 23.

Exactly Dieu so that's why a well worded, polite, 'see ya/fuck you' text works for me. Tells them this is nonsense, I'm not hanging around for this shit, closes the door and you move on. No grey areas.

I cant be bothered to do even that. the chances he will contact me again are remote. We did have fun together though.

Great article prizey, what an eye opener and a depressing read! The bit about the unsolicited dick pics made me laugh- the guy was convinced women would love them.

Have date 3 tomorrow with Mrcricket. I had to chase him to see if it was still on. Seems it is but really, is a bit of enthusiasm too much to ask for. It's odd, he seems very keen in person yet there's been no momentum between dates at all. It's been 6 weeks since our first date and they've been so spaced out it feels almost like starting afresh each time. No other irons on the horizon unfortunately. GSM is slim pickings. Which site shall I try next? Was thinking Tinder but not sure I want to give a green light to Mr unavailables. Seems I'm more than capable of doing that anyway!

Sometimes I think OLD has made it too easy for men. They don't have to work hard any more at meeting women and so don't value it or us.

Also too much choice. A playa's heaven!

Yes destiny I completely agree with you. The article prizey linked to says as much. They don't need to make any effort as it's very easy for them to get NSA sex pretty much whenever they want. Depressing. I'm sure there must be genuine guys out there who want more of a connection/ a relationship but it seems it will be very difficult to find them.

Date night today !

It is also my birthday....mooseburgers guaranteed ???

I have just temporarily suspended my Match account. Was on 6 weeks and that felt long enough! Just got a bit scunnered with the whole thing (Scottish speak for fed up) and the thought of spending another weekend on there was a tad depressing! Time to have a break, take stock, focus on real life, hopefully return to it feeling a bit more positive and invigorated. I have a fairly obsessive 'all or nothing' personality type, so this works better for me than trying and failing to abstain. I did message the guys I was chatting with just to explain, out of politeness, although there isn't anyone with whom I feel a great connection with. And letting them know means that I will stay disciplined about keeping off!
In truth, I badly wanted to hear from one particular guy again, but I don't think it was going to happen. It is liberating to be taking a break, although I shall miss it in a way, even if I'm not particularly enjoying it right now. It is strangely addictive, but not really in a way that is good for me!

Does anyone have any suggestions of 'how' to go back, when the time comes? (I'm thinking this will be in a week or so). Maybe some OLD literature that I could read, in order to make the most of it in future, and be a bit emotionally tougher about the whole thing? Think I'll also have a think about tweaking my profile slightly (to say no sleazeballs allowed!) and have more of a variety of photos, rather than just the glam ones!

Any pointers or thoughts would be appreciated, oh wise ones

dieu no advice I'm afraid but I'm wondering if I should do the same. It's only been just under 3 months but am feeling very disheartened.

Well today's news- I've been stood up! No explanation, nada. So that's 2 days in a row dates have disappeared on me and no other irons in the fire. Totally f'd off with men! I know it's them and not me but it is hard to not let it affect my self esteem.

Dieu

No advice here either. I was wondering if you've tried any other sites. I paid for match a long time ago and didn't find it to be any better than the free ones. I wonder if it's changed?

Clawdeen

That's shit!! What happened.
It's defo them and not you and if they behave like this before you've met them, try and think that they've done you a favour by showing their true colours this early on.

I've arranged to give achy body guy another chance and we made plans to meet at 3pm today but I'm waiting for him to confirm. I'm giving him till 1.30pm

To those thinking of giving up; I was just on the verge of doing just that. I decided to give it just one last, final go and now I've found someone nice. You really don't know who'll message you next.

cock
Congratulations!! That's great news. I'm slightly jealous aswell. I know people who've joined up for a trial and are now married with kids to the first person they messaged. Gives me slight hope every time I dip in and out.

I hope he doesn't let you down Roo ... let us know how you get on

Thanks. I just mentioned it to provide hope. I've taken breaks myself, vowed never to go on again too. You truly never know. As an aside, don't be the woman that won't message men first; this time, she messaged me. Sometimes men won't message you first because they're fed up and disillusioned at being ignored for the twentieth time. It doesn't mean that they don't like you.
Fortune favours the brave.

I'm defo not shy about messaging someone first! It's 2016

So achy body hasn't been in touch. I've just whatsapped him and said, "So, you've bottled this date as well then????!!!"
And deleted his number.

Cock womble!!!

You'd be surprised! So many women put on Tinder and POF that they won't message first 'because I'm an old fashioned girl'. Whatever that means.

I've just had a reply saying that he's waiting to be paid?!! WTAF