Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

How did we get infiltrated by an OW? I thought this was the safe thread

Evening all ... seeing Toyboy tomorrow night ... I'm flogging this dead horse in the hope he finally makes a move? We get on so well, damn it ... make a bloody move

I'm talking to a few people on Tinder aswell. I made the bold move of messaging first, and anyone who didnt reply within 24 hours was cut Harsh or fair?

Fair, looby.:) We must have standards.

Could you make a move on toyboy rather than waiting? Have a little whisky and jump him, maybe?

Fair!

Let's keep the Shy ones in a lovely little box of no snogging is sooo much hotter than letches
Not that I am having any kind of teenage snogging dreams. Not me

Remind me how to get rid of someone nicely? Conversing with lawyer guy and not really feeling it (esp. after viewing extra photos- shallowness alert) but he's asking me out. And Cheeseman is suggesting a date.:)

I would probably say it's been nice to talk to you but I don't think there is the right chemistry/common ground. Then wish them luck

Thanks, myuser.:)

Hello ladies, can I join in and ask for advice please. Am new to this online dating, but have been single for a good number of years. Have 2 separate dates pending, both with men who seem lovely. Thing is, I'm quite overweight. My profile pics are both from chest up and while it's clear from my face that I'm not a stick insect, you can't see my body in either pic. (In my defence, one of the pics I added was one of me sitting down, which was full length, but it ended up getting cropped to head shot size). Anyway, I'm wondering do I raise this issue before I meet the men. In a kind of "btw, if you're hoping for perfection you'll be disappointed " jokey kind of way?? I don't want the awkwardness of them driving a distance, walking in, being immediately disappointed but having to stay out of politeness. Or do I assume they can see from my face that it's jolly and round rather than lean and taut. My confidence is low and I'm not sure what to do. Thanks for any advice.

Hi sammy. There are gorgeous people inside and out in all shapes and sizes and I think the key is to really work on your confidence, hold your head high and just go for it. These guys obviously think you're attractive or they wouldn't have agreed to a date. I wouldn't try and talk them out of it by saying you're no oil painting. You ARE an oil painting. A beautiful voluptuous, curvy oil painting. One of my good friends has been overweight enough to have a stomach bypass in the past and met her (slim, as it happens) forever bloke via OLD before the op- she's attractive, he knows it and they seem really happy together.

I think you should try and upload a gorgeous full length pic and make it clear that you have a lovely curvy body. We can all feel a bit insecure before a date and it doesn't really help if we're worried that our pictures don't represent us fully/accurately- there's some discussion about that lower down the thread, I think. Also, did you fill in the bit which asks about your body shape/size? There's often a box which asks if you're slim or athletic or average or curvy or carrying a few extra pounds. I think it's a good idea to be honest within the profile if possible to avoid feeling any more nervous than normal when you meet in person and to alert people who are physically attracted to your body type that you are available and fabulous.

Thanks sumo. I think you're right about putting up a full length pic, will have to dig one out as there's not too many in existence, I usually avoid the camera. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that, but I don't think many men have the likes of me as their number one choice!

Bet you're far more gorgeous than you think. Can you get some friends to take some good pics to boost your confidence and reel in the worshippers?

Obviously there's a cultural prejudice in favour of skinniness but there is lots of stuff out there on t'internet suggesting that many real men like flesh on a woman. I reckon you will weed out the ones who don't if you get some good pictures.

You also definitely need to remember that practically everyone has some insecurities about their body/feelings/past relationship history that's going to have to be faced at some point in a dating process that goes anywhere. I like my body in clothes at the moment but not so much naked, especially my stomach, which the evil children have stretched up to the max. I will have to get over that or moose burgers will never be on the agenda!

( Not that it seems anywhere near the agenda yet. Mr Cheese is playing hard to get on whether he wants to meet tonight despite me enticing him with stories of my friend's cat's love of cheesy wotsits. )

Sammy, don't fee under pressure. If you get on very well with the men, they will like you, no matter what! To me the inside is much more important than the outside.

Good luck xxx

Could you make a move on toyboy rather than waiting?

sumoweeble ... I could but this is the guy that i'm not that sure I fancy? I like him. We get on but i'm not sure about the physical attraction. I thought if he took control, it'd make him more appealing?

Sammy - a few pages back, someone posted what kind of pics you should be putting up ... I really agree with them. Have a hunt to find it. I think the problem is that we all want to show the best pics of us, but we also have to be realistic aswell?

Ikwym, looby.

Cheeseman has bailed. Think he wasaid enjoying the chat but not really serious re meeting up/got a better offer. Oh well.

Hello all, can I please join on to your thread?
I've just getting back into dating and have no clue what I'm doing

I think I have had a mini row with Mr Shy over a difference of opinion that to me, is actually very serious and important. I don't really know what to think about it right now.
Basically I was telling him something and his opinion on it wasn't very woman friendly and I am not sure how to interpret it (via text) because if that is what he thinks about women then I don't want to be with someone like that

But I may be being over cautious, he had half a story etc

Can you call him on it, myuser? Check out what he meant? I hate it when that happens. During my last date the bloke morphed into a racist before my very eyes. I called him on it, found him prepared to listen but hideously ignorant. A total turn off, obviously. But better out than in, perhaps?

I did but not aggressively just a confused face and that I did not think it was a good thing to say

Hello twolinesplease all are welcome

Hello,can I join you all?! I've been OLD for a couple of years,mostly Ok Cupid and POf but really haven't met anyone right.

I'm thinking I may finally be in the right place for a relationship and those two sites are looking way too familiar! So was thinking of trying Guardian soulmates. I ve had a quick look and there's at least 3 guys who live locally who seem nice and are active online. Anyone else tried this site?

Sounds like a good call him on it to me, myuser. Really hope it's a communication error/misunderstanding.

Thank you curlylox
I've known of mr shy for a brief while and took the plunge and Invited him out to an event that included other friends and that went well. We've been texting most days since but he didn't ask for a second date. So I did...
The response was a cryptic and non committal
I'm mortified that I stuck my neck out I wish I had if waited to be asked now... what response do I give and I'll have to face him before the weeks out (we both regularly go to the same special interest club)?

Aww. That's tough twolines.:( I guess you just have to front it out. Maybe he's playing hard to get or maybe not wanting to take things further but if the latter it'd be nice if he had the balls to say so, especially seeing as you know him in rl.

Thanks sumo it looks like I've got bigger balls than him
I'll have to grin and bare it. I daren't text him again surely I'll look to desperate ?
I'm trying to build myself up to OLD maybe you MN can help me. I've joint POF before but got so put off when I saw a friends husband and a relative on there with shockingly deceitful profiles

I'd leave it tbh. If he surprises you and gets in touch then it's a bonus.

I'm finding my attempts at online dating pretty soul destroying at the moment, tbh. Loads of sewage to wade through, very few diamonds out there, easy to mistake a polished piece of shit for a precious stone, lots of wasted effort. Not sure if I even want a relationship sometimes or if I like most men as people. And if I don't, why would I want a relationship with one or they with me? God- really negative stuff. Sorry two. Think I'd better step away from the computer and have an early night! There's wise advice and some nice success stories on these threads and if you can follow rule 2 it could be worth giving it a go.:)