Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I need you all to tell me to give my head a wobble. Met a guy on a night out,he is quite a bit older than me and told me almost immediately that he had a gf. However he wants to meet up for a drink and I am very tempted. This is a bad idea right?

Yes. Very bad idea unless you're all polyamorous and up for it. Or you are ok with casual sex and the strong probability that a commited relationship will not develop. Everyone (apart from him, probably) will end up hurt if you expect commitment love and happiness as well as sex from him. But nothing wrong with wanting casual sex, of course! The fact that he is seeking it whilst with a girlfriend who presumably thinks he's faithful and monogamous may speak volumes about his character though...

Following everyone's progress with great interest....
Things seem to be picking up!!
vintagegirl why would you even bother to go there? That way madness lies.
(Says she, deeply ensconced in OI corner with Mr Wildly Unsuitable...)
As you were. :)

Yes I would like some casual sex! But yes I know what I am like and I do get emotionally attached. He was at pains to point out he doesn't live with gf when I questioned him on it but did acknowledge that he should not be wanting to meet up with me. I guess I am just curious what it would be like to have sex with someone other than dh after 22 years.

Forme - Mr Interesting does indeed sound very interesting!! Welcome to the OI corner - I've been rereading Mr Tall's messages this morning

sumo - you have a fab sense of humour!! How could Mr Cheese resist

Louisa- date and kissing sound good. If he's a good guy, he'll be happy to go at you pace.

Vintage - step away from Mr Creep!!

Well Mr Tall continues to message and is wickedly funny/flirty. There's lots of chatter aw well, about general stuff, so feel like we're getting to know each other. He's commented that my shoulders look nice in one of my profile pics - obviously needs glasses I said he may not fancy me in person, but he has no concerns, as he likes my mind too..............my God I'm worried I'm going to give him moose burgers the moment I meet him

My story.

10 years of marriage for a good year we lived together although we were separated (ish). In the mean time I met somebody on Ashley Madison. A city boy married with two children. We fell in love, great chemistry we went on for about 8 months, we had plans BUT as soon as I started to challenge him on him leaving his wife he run away. Result: he went on holiday with his family and the pictures of the 4 of them together are GREAT. You can see the love .

That relationship has been a confidence booster for me: I began to dress up, put make up, high heels, hot lingerie. Great shagging, luxurious hotel rooms, great restaurants and an uber back for me at the end of every night.

Needless to say I got really upset when we split up and I still think about him and I bloody use him as a benchmark every time I date somebody. Because of him, I got really choosy, I know what I want (intelligent, great job, handsome, tall, charming, smart). In one word : HIM less the wife.

After the split I signed up on POF, OKStupid, Tinder and Bumble. I developed a thick skin and I am very ruthless.

I didn’t go as far as 3-4 dates. I swipe left on 90% of the pictures of Tinder, Bumble is better but I find that mums don’t get much attention, OKstupid and pof are quite grim. Lots of messages from blokes who are depressing. Pictures are horrible, they don’t write messages properly. Am I a snob???

Thinking of treating myself with eHarmony or Match. Any views? What about Guardian Soulmates?

I am sick of this men screening. HELP!

Vintage - ditto what Mrsfluff said. And you will find someone else to have sex quite easily if my experiences are anything to go by, with who isn't attached.

Mrsfluff that made me laugh! Burgers at first sight

Louisa, glad you had a lovely evening. Hopefully the next date will move things the way you want them to go.

Mr Interesting is away with work this week but has been emailing me photos of where he is. Not sure if he'll be back by Saturday but I hope so as I have a child free afternoon which could well see a delivery of moose burgers

I just love the thread! A guy just sent me a message through OKStupid. An interesting profile description but one picture from far far away. I asked a picture of him from a decent distance and he is bloody ugly. Do they think we are stupid?

lilyblue82 You were the OW! Ashley Maddison is where you go shopping when you are shopping for another woman's husband. It doesn't sound like you developed a thick skin and got ruthless AFTER the split. It sounds like you had those character traits already.

Perhaps some others will be less judges than me but your attitude towards another woman's husband/family makes my bloody foot itch! Help you? No thanks.

Forme - he's 6'4" and has green eyes, I'm not sure how I'm going to resist!! I hope you find Saturday afternoon is a moose burger-fest!! Not something I say to other women very often.

Lily - I don't want to be harsh, but my husband cheated on me and it was the end of my 20 year marriage. Your man was not a good man, certainly not someone against which to measure other men. Perhaps you need to consider why you were prepared to settle for such a relationship, so that you can find better next time? I'm on Match and finding it OK, but it appears that paying to use it hasn't weeded out all the weirdos.

Does anyone here have experience of 100mph to zero in the space of a few hours?

Had a date last Friday night (11 days ago) with what seemed like a really nice guy, we clicked, he seemed ultra keen, the only red flag was the speed he was going, talking get about future dates, weekends away etc etc. Messaged me loads before and after, a second date on the Sunday, it seemed too good to be true, just my type, easy company, lots of snogging. Made a plan to get together again on Sunday just gone but by Tuesday his messages tailed off and by Friday he had gone the full quiet on me. Weird.

I suppose there are several reasons this might have happened, I might have been gazumped, he may have been still married despite telling me he was divorced. He even added me on Facebook so possibly not married 😂

I have since dumped him off Facebook and organised some new dates but what was that all about? Anyone had the same thing happen? It's confusing.

Tsonly - that's shit, has he not been in touch at all? Another example of why those of us in OI corner could be heading for a fall. They can't ALL be like that though...,

MrsF - 6'4!!

Tsonly, my first and very recent experience was like that. I was planning on not moving things any further forward, so wasn't overly worried. Had I have been keen though, I would have been disappointed.

Yup Forme and I'm 6'0", so he sounds ideal ( and all in proportion hopefully )

Goodness Lilyblue, I'm not sure what to say.

This is an OLD thread full of women, and you can bet your last penny a good proportion of us have been cheated on (myself included). What are you hoping to achieve by posting what come across as a rather arrogant attitude towards married women?

And as for him being your benchmark now - set the bar a whole lot higher than a cheating toad.

Lily my ex left DCs and me overnight 9 months ago to be with OW. Men who can lie and cheat, when they could be upfront, aren't worth having. I would never knowingly be the OW.

Waaaaaaaah I appear to have been dumped. Today. On a text message. "It's not you, it's me". I'm trying to take it in my stride. It was v early days. In fact I thought i had the brakes on until today when he tricked me into telling him I really like him.

The 100-0 is just one of those odd ones, I've had a few and they are the ones who keep popping back up constantly. They like an array of women on the back burner while they keep their options open so they don't quite tell you anything solid, enough to get you interested then sad, then back again and repeat over and over. Don't waste your time

Lily I am not sure any of us on this thread are going to be able to help you with your dating dilemma. We all seem to be looking for a nice, single man who treats people nicely even if he ain't no Brad Pitt

Slowly that's shit! How did he trick you?

Nope not heard from him at all, I stopped stressing about it by mid afternoon on Saturday so haven't been listening out for the ping but it was just plain weird! I was just starting to get sucked in by his keenness and almost certainly would have slept with him on Sunday if it had gone ahead (3rd date) so I should be grateful really and he missed out! But now I wonder how much of what he said was lies. I think it's knocked my confidence a bit.

I bet you £10 he's back in 2 weeks! With a oh hello? How are you at 11pm one night

Hi all,
All irons have gone cold. I feel like I'm going to to be on my own forever. Mr friendzone, really wants a date with me, despite him not having any job.

I think I'm still in love with mr. No commitment. I know he's running scared.
What the. Actual fuck is wrong with me.

Rule 14.
Rule 14.
Rule 14.

Mr Geordie and I have been texting and I joked about kissing etc and he said that he is shy and wasn't sure I wanted him to kiss me.
He said now that I know it's ok il be full of them ...it's crazy because in person he is funny and confident..never in a million years would I of thought that

Thank God I am not the only one!!

10 years of marriage, last 3 years of my marriage were hell (he had an affair and he didn't care less about me and the kids). It's finally over and I have been left with no confidence, so self esteem and thinking that I am ugly (although people find me attractive). I signed up on POF, OKCupid. Very few dates as I try to select with the chatting. Last one was last week. The guy I went out with disappeared saying that he is very busy. Before him, many disappeared. Is it me? Is it because they are free websites? Are people more committed if you pay???

aw, that sucks, slowly. And evil. And tsonly. :( You have taken the risk and lived life though and dared to look for love. And that must count for something. Do it again! There must be worthy ones out there. Somewhere...

Thanks, mrsfluff.:) Just wish I could find someone who shared said soh. Sometimes all feels so demoralising and like hard work. Cheese man says he doesn't have dog called Grommit and doesn't like any of my fave cheeses as they're too smelly. Not sure whether this is a brush off...

Mr Tall sounds seriously phwoooar!

I like the sound of your guy, Louisa. Sounds like you're getting on really well and hopefully the shy holding back will add to sexual tension when you move into the snogging zone and beyond.