Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

louisa That sounds lovely! You fancy him and he's nice and likes you and is not pushy! Yay!

Dieu - if you don't get much from their pics and the personality isn't winning you over I wouldn't bother. Some people can be a bit 'on the cusp' of being attractive and then better in the flesh, but usually the groundwork is there! And dating is knackering/expensive! Hang on for someone you like or get looking tonight!

Kitten my iron (I thought after over 2 mths was really my BF) is very good at texting, but he's going away soon and I'll rarely see him...so he'll just be a penpal. It's horrible as I think more could have developed if we'd just had a year together. If he visits infrequently now I risk becoming a FWB and I'm looking for more. Plus I'd struggle to be romantic with more than one iron at a time. So I'd feel guilty dating other men unless I end things now.

I know he wants me to wait but, like you, I don't mind seeing my cat in evenings when DCs asleep but nice to actually see a man too!

Forme I wouldn't say if I was seeing two men to the two men. If they asked I'd say I have other friends. Unless things got physical, but that's just because I hold onto guilt. In truth, if no committment has been made than no promises can be broken.

So I had date 5 with Mr Shy. I got tipsy and snogged him. I had to do it! Afterwards we were both like 'ok that had to happen as it was getting weird it hadn't'
We did not have mooseburgers but I really wanted to and there was much passionate snogging to be had.
I feel like I have to pinch myself or there is a catch? Have I really met this perfect man?

Myuser He sounds lovely! There doesn't have to be a catch! But it's always good to consider that there could be one, as long as you don't let it hold you back or self-sabotage (which it doesn't sound like you are doing)

I feel the same way about One-date guy even though we've had one date and it seems ridiculous. Do you think it's possible to 'just know'. Or are they the fateful effing words before he reveals himself to be a tosser?! You are on date 5 though and that's a decent amount of time and commitment so no tosser signs there!

Can anyone explain mooseburgers? Is it a euphemism for sex?!

One-date is away with work till next week but we've been messaging non stop and I NEED TO STOP THINKING IDIOTIC LOVED UP THOUGHTS!

lilac Could you do long distance or is that a logistical nightmare?

I'm trying to stop myself from having to just knowing feeling but I get the feeling he thinks he just knows as well . And it's like we knew before we kissed anyway.

I just think I know. And it's fucking scaring me. We are just so in tune and each time I see him I see a bit more of his personality and thoughts and feelings that I like. But I have made such terrible man choices in my past that I doubt myself and my decisions pretty much all the time. I'm scared I am missing something that I should be able to see that could be an issue. He's not perfect don't get me wrong I do not have him on a pedestal it's just he's just... amazing.

Oh crap

So fed up with this lark, last night had a date and he was gorgeous looking, tall, a really respectful and courteous and pleasant enough, just really, really boring....I don't think I laughed during the whole date, it was so tedious. I tried to lighten it up and cracked a couple of funnies, nothing. Obviously that's the lack of even an atom of chemistry.....exhausted with it all, it's hard work!

Hang in there prizey - a handsome frog is still a frog.

Thanks UpYer....ok I'll hang a while longer, you are right. I realised last night that if I didn't fancy a guy but got on with him, I'd go on a second date, but if I fancied him but didn't get on with him there is no way I'd go on a second date. Last night really taught me that personality really outshines physical attributes and this is where OLD is flawed I guess.

Can I just say my E-harmony matches are like a criminal line up, all of whom are all a million miles away from where I live and older than my age preferences.
Going to try Elite Singles now on a recommendation from a friend.
BTW - All dating sites have a 14 day cooling down period which they don't shout about (they have to by law) after which they give you a full refund.

It is important to have that personality connection and it's one thing I hate about OLD that it's hard to know if it's there.

One thing playing on my mind about MrShy is worrying whether he is over his marriage breakdown.
He seems calm and respectful of her to me but I did get him to say more last night because I got the impression he is still angry with his ex about some things. And he is. I don't know exactly what as I didn't want to pry. I think he doesn't like her that much but won't actually say it, he's angry about stuff that happened at the end of their marriage perhaps and it's only been a year . And he is still legally married.
He's ended up with a big financial burden also but he seems to have a sensible grip on this.

I'm not trying to talk myself out of it but he is not exactly in the best position in some ways but he seems sensible and also I should not get ahead of myself as none of this affects me and I won't allow it to become my problem

Good evening
I had a tea/coffee date with Mr Beard today - my first experience of OLD.
He was lovely, not my 'usual' type at all, but as one of my friends noted, that is possibly a good thing!
We chatted for about 2 hours and got on really well....I am not really sure what happens next? We said goodbye in the pouring rain and both said it was lovely to meet each other etc. but there was no mention of texting or meeting again, arranging to do it again. I have NO idea how to read the situation, whether this means he's not interested in another date etc.
PLease may I ask your opinion too about getting in touch. Should I text, say thank you or ask if he'd like to meet again, or wait a bit...??
I have been on the dating site, mooching about, and he is online.
Very confused about next step and totally out of my comfort zone!
Hope you are all having a good weekend.

It's totally fine to send a thank you text and gague his reaction

You are both still OLD after the first date that's quite normal IMO. I wouldn't stop going on there after one date I don't think it's a bad sign

Thank you myusername
May I ask re text - not sure whether to send a thank you/lovely to meet you etc or whether to say it would be lovely to see him again (or wait for him to hopefully say that!!)
Apologies for sounding like a teenager - hard to believe I am 43!
everyone seems a lot more sussed about this on here

I usually say
Hi, great meeting you earlier, I enjoyed it. Let me know if you fancy a drink/coffee/meal (choose something) again some time? Hope you have e a great weekend

Thank you - that's a good message!
I think I'll send it tomorrow, feels a bit late now I think.

Hi everyone! May I join your thread please?! I'm ready to put myself back out there and move on.... although I didn't realise that until today! A new man had started at my work and I felt interested.... something I've not felt for another man apart from my ex in a long time! Can't tell you how pleased I am to be feeling something interest for someone else! But, I've no idea now how this stuff works anymore, and unhelpfully We're on a time limit as we will only work a few more shifts together, then will end up working at completely different times and won't see him again potentially for months so I feel like I need to do something. But what?! We worked together for hours today and it was enjoyable, chatting and joking around etc. How the hell do people pursue things like this.... how do you suss out if someone is interested?! Then what?! I fear the suggestion will be just to 'ask him out' but that makes me feel queasy (I sound about 15... im definitely not, I'm just a bit rusty!) I am so sorry if I've posted in the wrong place, please do tell me to go away if I have! Otherwise, some advice would be very gratefully received, thank you!

Message has been sent....fingers crossed!
Hi mightjustbe, I'm new here too and totally befuddled/feeling about 15 too. Could you arrange it that a couple of people from work are going out for a drink & ask if he'd like to come too?

I think you it must consider the complications with dating a colleague. Is it ok at your work? What happens if things go sour would it make you feel like you have to leave?
Because if any of these things are an issue it might get in the way as in he might say no for these reasons. I wouldn't date a colleague even if they were Tom Hardy because of what it could mean for my career and personal happiness but you might have an entirely different job where it doesn't matter.

That's a good point myusername
I couldn't date a colleague due to my work environment and job role; other colleagues have, but it was not looked on well at all.

Thank you so much for your replies! The issue with being colleagues wouldn't be a problem at all ....the job I'm in where I've met him is my casual, part time job on the side, and it's not the kind of environment where it would be an issue. (If it were my main job then no, would not even consider it as that's my 'professional' side and wouldn't be appropriate) so I can see why that would be a good point to raise! We won't be working at the same time after next week anyway.

In that case just ask him outright if he wants to go for a drink. Say it's a shame you won't be working together much in the future and you think he is good company. Then judge his reaction
Do you know he's single?

Might, I like Myuser'said suggestion.

I've been away for the weekend. Mr Nice hasn't been in touch much, which I think is good - I really didn't feel there was any longterm possibility. So, as I messaged last, I'm going to see if he makes contact.

I have been messaging Mr Tall, who is local, seems polite/funny and is 3 years younger than me. I've asked if he would like to meet for a drink.

Then there's Mr Gosport- I messaged him thinking he lived half an hour away, but it's actually 2 hours. So, so, funny, similar senses of humour and we message lots. Where's it going to go though!?!

Mrsfluff- I'm having one of those where is it going moments too.
Hope mr tall fancies a drink..shame the mr gosport lives 2 hours away.

Tomorrow will be the 3rd date with (mr Geordie)he is funny,we get on so well,text all day every day since our first date last Sunday.
He hasn't made a move except for a peck..no rude messages or anything..so I think does he even fancy me?
He is the one always asking for dates etc.
is it odd he hasn't tried it on?
He was joking around saying your deffo a keeper and he messages good night and good morning etc

Mrsfluff

Distance doesn't have to be an issue - it depends on circumstances. I've had two relationships where we lived at least 3 hours from each other when we first met. I went on to Matty the first and had an LTR with the second.

MrSexyVoice is still in touch and we had quite a laugh over messaging last night. I really do like him but there's the issue of his progressive illness. I'm not all that phased by it but he is.

Louisa - it sounds as though he's keen, but respectful? Which is probably a nice change, but a bit of a shock, when compared to the obvious types that seem to be out there.

Banty - I do kind of hope distance doesn't have to be an issue. He works away a lot in the week, but that is sometimes not that far from me. He has a teenager who stays weekends, but not sure if it's every. We might not even fancy each other in the flesh, but not living nearby makes that harder to gauge. I might ask him where he thinks all this chatting is leading, does he think we'll actually meet?!?