Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Let him be for now ThisIs, sounds like he's just busy moving!
He's given out all the right signs so keep it casual. If you see him ask him about his move.

Thanks Myusername. Good common sense is always a good thing in this dating malarkey.

banty
I have had a few odd messages and when I have read profiles they just don't seem 'right'
below is an example from one - it just reads oddly...and I have had 4/5 messages just saying 'hello dear' from men with a photo and no info on their profile...
I have also chatted with some really lovely guys too which is proving to be great fun - and no unsolicited pics either!
What sites does everyone else use of would you recommend?

Here's the example:

I work as a journalist reporter, and travels a lot, am a single parent, with a son of 17yrs old,I love to go to the beach at my free time. That's little about me for now. Lastly I look forward to meeting a life partner here.
Hmm trying to make out the best in it, I work full time, u also get lost in the books, love to go for a walk with my dog.

Evening all, lots to catch up on here.

I'm seeing Mr Nice tomorrow evening and have also struck up a conversation with someone on Match, who seems nice/funny.

Hyggelit

Those are messages from 'love interests' whose only interest is to get you to hand over money.

mrs how nice to have midweek date

Hygge I read elsewhere on this thread to treat those messages like spam mail - I felt bad at first just deleting them but then men that I have sent messages to have done the same so I guess it's all part of Rule 2. I'm only on POF at the moment and it's pretty slim pickings, not sure how it compares to paid sites.

I've got one first meet lined up for Thursday after work - get this (you'll probably all scream RED FLAG or bullshit) but he asked if I'd prefer the South of France or Whistler skiing but it's all said in jest and he's the first one really to spark my interest intellectually (not that I'm that high brow). Plus he's recently moved to the area to care for his dad who has dementia.

I've only been OLD for a month and already I'm so cynical I don't believe anything any of them say, not a nice way to be, but then you think
"what if it's true" (the caring for Dad bit, not the other crap) - the only way to find out is to meet quickly I think.

Also have a second date on saturday, and I'm struggling to know what to call him. Mr Hurt I think is most fitting, although I don't think that bodes well....

Forme, it's less date, more going to his for a catch up (hot sex!), before I'm away for the weekend

If he seems nice, you should give him a chance. There are a lot of arses on there, but there must be some decent ones, like we are. Good luck!

Thank you banty and forme, that kind of confirms what I thought.
I started with quite a healthy dose of cynicism which is increasing daily!
Quite slim pickings on OKC too, I wasn't sure if there would be less of the spammers on a paid site.
forme, I hope he is genuine - and a good skier!
I have a date on Saturday afternoon, he's been really lovely so far and I was encouraged as he gave me his number + said to feel free to share it with a friend if I wanted to. Fingers crossed for us all

Mrs that's the sort of date I want

That's what I keep thinking - there must be some genuine ones in amongst the rest so my optimistic nature leads me to carry on...

I'm chatting to a guy who honestly thinks he's irresistible He's only out for "fun" I hate this because I want fun but not with a random man looking for a shag. I've had "fun" mercilessly taking the piss and resisting completely

Forme - it's bloody lovely, I shan't be able to concentrate at work!! I always tend to be very positive as well, but I think it's better than the alternative

Catty - that sounds like a lot of fun!!

Hi all, I'm new to the thread and to OLD.
Have only started OLD 3 weeks ago - have had a few dates and one guy who seemed promising then he just went quiet after the 4th date, probably because I was acting like I would if it was normal dating - someone at work says there are different rules for OLD dates
I have been using tinder and happn but am having lots of guys that just want to hook up despite saying in my profile that I don't want hook ups
Also at what point (and how) do I find out what they want - a friend has told me not to ask what they are looking for until I'm sure we have a chemistry but this has led to a couple of dates with time wasters. Should I ask them in the first few messages what they are looking for?
OLD is complex!
TIA

Morning all

So I saw the RL Toyboy last night ... he came to mine. I just don't think I'm feeling it. FFS. He's a lovely guy, but he made no moves ... he text me after saying he was awks because he doesn't know how I feel about him ... standard response as I am so guarded but Jesus, it's such hard work. I just want someone to take control. Regardless of age. I think I'm going to have to sack him off. The awkwardness coupled with me not being sure I find him attractive is hard work

So disappointing

Back to OLD I go? Christ ... I think I am officially un-dateable

PS good luck Louisa

And HADtoHaveaRantAtThisStupidity - I wouldn't ask anyone what their intentions are personally as it becomes clear after a date or two ... maybe just go with the flow and don't ask unless you really aren't sure?

Hi I think I'll be rejoining this thread soon. I have been happily seeing my first iron 'Mr Walker' for over 2 months, but think I'll have to end it.

I knew when we met that he could have periods working away (Mon-Fri and periods abroad for 3-9 mths). Whenever I asked when he'd need to work away he put me off and talked as though it was a year or so away. Now he says early Nov he'll be away and I'll probably only see him once or twice a month over the next year. He also said that he hadn't told any of his friends and family about me. We've seen each other 2-3 times a week and he knows that I've spoken with my friends and family. I'd even suggested we meet each other's DCs as had been talking in terms of holidays in the future.

So, as he knew 2 months ago that he was away in 3 months time. I'm feeling as though I've either been unreasonable or been misled and that he's probably just seen this as fun while I thought it was more

Sorry for the moan!
Just wondered if I'm expecting too much too soon from relationship that was started on OLD?

Sounds a bit shitty to me lilac - like he's misled you a little? It's totally up to you but once or twice a month for a year when you've only been together a couple of months? Not sure I would like that too much. Depends how much you like him I guess ... and whether there will definitely be a future after that year that you're effectively putting your life on hold for him?

Lilacpink40 sounds as if he faked a future to get what he wanted in the present. Very common. If he'd told you the truth you probably wouldn't have become involved with him and he knew this, hence not introducing you to his family and friends (knew it wasn't a long term thing). Sorry.

Loobyloo I'm afraid I would have just jumped on him. I find that with most men you simply have to make it plainly obvious in words and deed unfortunately. I agree it's not great; there's nothing like a keen and eager man to get you in the mood.

Ifihadmytimeagain - I know i know ... normally I would too. BUT i'm not sure I fancy him enough though? Not in the can't keep my hands off him way anyway. Which worries me Maybe I should see him one more time? He's definitely more keen than me though ... for someone so young, he's the one panicking about where it's going i thought the young guys would guarantee less pressure to commit

Loodyloo maybe he senses your hesitation. Have you kissed him yet? that's the clincher for me. I can usually tell by the kiss and the touch if I fancy them or not. If he leaves you cold after this or you're still undecided then you have your answer far better to move on and find someone whose clothes you want to rip off

So I finally met my Mr Unavailable from Tinder today. He's gorgeous & lovely too, a rare combination. BUT he made it very clear he's not in a position to see me just now with his Mum being in hospice & close to the end. Bugger! If anything it made me like him more that he wasn't prepared to string me along when he knows he has nothing to offer just now & for the foreseeable. Gutted though

No Ifihadmytimeagain ... not a proper one anyway I don't know. I know I'm not the easiest person to read but I really would still expect him to take the lead ...

I'm going to dip my toe back into OLD and just see what happens with the Toyboy and OLD I guess? Does that make me a bad person?

How often do you text guys your "dating"? I don't want to seem too clingy

I've met mr. Friend zone. He seems nice, I can't sense any spark, do I meet up with him again? I don't won't to waste anyone's time.

On another note. I saw non commitment (the guy that dumped me) in town today. I Was walking into the book store meet mr. friendzone;
I wondered if it was him,
I looked harder,
He clocked me,
Then he tried to change direction, which he couldn't as he was walking down the stairs, and turned his back.

I just carried on.

What do I do about mr.friendzone guy?

Louisa I try not to text too much tbh ... I don't want to get attached ...

Evil See my posts above I think I'll probably see him again ... it'll be the 5th date though? If no spark, I think I'm going to have to sack it off. I was hoping it would happen in time? Maybe give him one more chance?

I wondered were the OLD thread went!!

Well.... started chatting to a guy on match a month ago and finally met last week. We have so much in common and he's really nice (seems too nice ) have met a few times and far on well. Stayed over last night as well .

He's not the kind of guy that I would normally go for and my head keeps telling me this! Ridiculous isn't it! So we may actually have a 'thing' going on - very nervous as 1st relationship post domestic abuse marriage breakup but hopeful!!