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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

999 replies

PrizeyPrize · 20/09/2016 20:17

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
Kittencatkins123 · 10/10/2016 22:19

Newbie here, been on one date with a lovely guy and trying not to get carried away! We are texting all day and have planned date two but MUST NOT INVEST! Any strategies/advice gratefully received! Has been a long time since I met anyone decent so I think I'm a bit overexcited Smile

Kittencatkins123 · 10/10/2016 22:26

Also would you keep meeting up with other people or do you think that's confusing? I always did before (multi-date) but was thinking not to but then maybe that's silly after one date!

Mrsfluff · 10/10/2016 22:30

Hygg- I'd probably offer to swap numbers, but I'm quite new at this.

Ain't - I wouldn't message him again. Chances are, the message got through, but for whatever reason he's not reading it. I wouldn't give him anymore headspace.

Baklava - I'm sorry to hear there wasn't any chemistry. As for ex's fried - what a shit!! Angry

Kitten - no advice from me, I'm an over investor too!!

Well me and Mr Nice are still messaging, with plans to meet up, but nothing yet agreed. Have also been chatting to someone on Match who's swiftly got the messages to sex and underwear - nothing shocks me now!!

Hueandcry · 10/10/2016 22:36

Thanks slowly some good advice & yes I think you're right about more irons. Good to hear you've got to the point of not checking old - there's hope for the rest of us yet!!

Kittencatkins123 · 10/10/2016 22:38

Mrs - ah well we can over invest together Wink

My colleague at work was telling me she regularly got unsolicited dick pics! Like as a first message! (On POF)

Mrsfluff · 10/10/2016 22:54

I had dick pics from a guy..........me and my friends were quite impressed Wink

AintThatSomething · 10/10/2016 23:00

I have sent a message. If he doesn't read this or reply at least I have tried. Confused HmmI have also sent some to a couple of other blokes while I was at it Wink

I think I might need to join you in the over investor's corner...

Kittencatkins123 · 10/10/2016 23:19

Plenty of chairs, wine and nibbles at OI corner aint Grin

Maybe if we just keep our excitement online we won't let it spill over to real life?

Slowlyslowly · 11/10/2016 10:29

Great I'm pulling up a chair in OI corner too. I thought it was just me Grin

BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 10:47

I'll pull up a chair in the OI corner too.

MrSexyVoice has his hotel booked and will be arriving on Sunday. We're going on a date in the city. I'm trying to not get too excited...

Myusernameismyusername · 11/10/2016 10:54

Even good looking guys don't get me excited anymore when they go in for sex chat it makes me cringe. I think I have become like a character from Pride and Prejudice, all turned on by not having a bloody clue what he thinks or what is going to happen next?

The overly sexual ones just seem to be like going to McDonalds IMO. You know what you will get upfront and afterwards think hmm well it was ok not the best thing I have ever eaten.

I have this guy really trying to get me turned on with all this banter and sexy flirting and he's cute too - but when he texts me I just think Hmm
It's not sexy? What am I missing?

Forme2016 · 11/10/2016 10:54

Room for another in OI corner? At least we're in good company!

My MrTallgent hasn't read my message yet, maybe he doesn't use messenger after all Confused don't want to pay for Match just be able to send him a message!

Forme2016 · 11/10/2016 11:00

Myuser - love the McDonald's analogy! Re the sexy banter I don't think you're missing anything, he is missing your signals that you're not finding his approach remotely appealing (assuming you're not responding in kind given your P&P reference!)

BaklavaBalaclava · 11/10/2016 11:05

Lol myuser - I too have turned into a massive prude since starting OLD.

After 5 messages someone sent me the msg 'so, what kind of man do you usually go for? and I took massive umbrage.

Mind you, as I told him off and he did the online equivalent of shrugging, he's no loss...

But I think it's not too long before I start saying things like:

'la Sir, you are too too impertinent'

Actually, I may see if I an set POF up to send that out automatically, like an out of office reply...

misszp · 11/10/2016 11:36

Can I join this thread, having posted and lurked on the old ones :)

Also need to take a seat in OI corner, I can bring the wine, and copious amounts of dodgy date gossip!

Totally agree with User and the MacDonalds theory, you know what you're getting, its cheap and a little nasty, but sometimes you can't resist Blush. I have also outgrown the typical good looking guys and their flirt type talk.

RE POF - I had one message me asking if I wanted to 'sit on his 8.5 inch' with the aubergine emojii following it. What a romantic eh.

I have a couple of RL and OD irons. One is OL and is a friend of a friend. I saw him out in the distance the other week, but not to speak to, so did the old 'definitely saw you out!' type message.Cue lots of conversation and he is SO pretty to look at, but having since seen him in a photo standing next to another mutual friend, I believe he is shorter than me. Gutted. I can't help it, I just like someone taller! Do I pursue it and meet him anyway?

BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 11:38

Oh Iser, your McD analogy made me laugh.

As to why it leaves you cold? You are more than a sex-object, have depth and want to be treated like a human being?

Myusernameismyusername · 11/10/2016 11:49

PMSL

This was me lately:

Him: what are you up to?
Me: going shopping, you?
Him: oooh what for? A sexy negligee would suit you. Or I could put it on for you!
Me: I bought some broccoli

I just can't get into it

Myusernameismyusername · 11/10/2016 11:59

I don't care about height that much I don't think it's an issue but I understand it is for some. I literally could name you 800 things worse than being a bit short

Forme2016 · 11/10/2016 12:01

Ha ha! I had one last week, we were talking about yoga and it very quickly turned to "what's your fave position?"

I probably didn't help as I replied "downward dog" Blush

BaklavaBalaclava · 11/10/2016 12:25

If it weren't for the 'no dating the thread' rule, I think I'd go online dating with you, Myuser

Your messaging is much more my cup of tea than the ones I've been getting...

Myusernameismyusername · 11/10/2016 12:58

Ooh look at me pulling in the thread!

I conclude I do have an alternative SOH so it's unlikely I will find a lot of men attractive in this way. I'm in real danger of sounding like a man hating bitch because all I want to do is be sarcastic. The more sarcastic I am the more outlandish they become.

I genuinely do not understand how it's sexually exciting to do these things with a stranger as to me it's scary and risky.

I've had some pretty crappy sexual experiences with these types of men who try to push you into more and more porno sex. If they have no boundaries with a stranger then they probably won't with you in bed

Hyggeligt · 11/10/2016 14:08

HI All
I have cancelled Mr Italian as something just felt odd, can't quite describe it.
Now I feel really guilty as he was messaging me quite a lot (probably what felt a bit odd tbh)
I am going to see Mr DJ on Saturday though :)
Also, I am getting some really strange messages, bad spelling, and sentences not quite making sense and I am assuming some of these are false profiles (naiive here!!) Has anyone else experienced this?
I am on OK cupid and am considering not staying on there much longer; any recommendations as to which sites you have found to be good?

Laughed a lot at McDonald's analogy - perfect!
Many thanks

ThisIsTheRightTime · 11/10/2016 14:11

I'm a bit of a fan of MyUserName's messaging too! wink

Most of my OLD contacts have succumbed to the dick pics and dirty talk so very quickly. Indeed, nothing shocks me although I'm willing to venture into the world of stats by saying that the younger ones are much more docile and the older ones become more agressive when I dare tell them they've overstepped the mark.

I'd love some advice from you, please; I'm definitely sitting in the OI corner and I'm struggling a little.

I've been going to a bar in the city centre where I live for a number of months now; the barmen have always been so lovely with me and there's one particular one whom I've fancied from afar for a while (he's younger wink ).

A fortnight ago one of them got married in Normandy (three hours away from where I live) and I was invited to the wedding which I went to with two other friends. Anyway, the night of the wedding the barman I've had my eye on confesses that he'd been looking forward to coming to the wedding as he knew that I'd be there, that he had feelings for me and had been happy at the thought of us getting to know each other. I was touched and surprised because somehow my sixth sense had told me that there was something between us. The conversation which ensued, cut short, because my friends needed to drive me to the B&B at 3am, was wonderful. He genuinely seemed to care about getting to know me and we talked about all sorts. He always remains very respectful towards me.

The next day we saw each other again; my friends said that he spent the majority of the lunch trying to catch my eye and was lurking with intent. We talked again but the conversation was less free-flowing as we were exhausted (hung over) and our friends were winking and around us iyswim!

A week later I return to the bar with a friend and we sat outside with dozens of others. My barman, who always stays behind the bar, came out once only and that was to serve my drinks and he was all shy. The next day he sends me a friend request on Facebook. I wrote him a message telling him I'd like to talk with him again one day if he agreed. He immediately wrote back 'I'd be delighted. We can have a drink together next week,' and then he wrote 'I'll let you know''.

So, next week has come and I still have no reply from him. Granted, I saw on FB he moved flats yesterday (he'd told me about it at the wedding) so I guess he's been very busy with moving and work.

My question to you is this: what would you do in my shoes? Would you switch off and stop hoping (as much as possible) that he'd contact you or just stay calm and trust that if it's meant to be he'll get off his arse and send that message? And would any of you write a message on FB congratulating him on his new apartment?

Sorry, if I seem completely pathetic and ridiculous.

BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 14:43

Hyggelit

Can you post an example?

Louisajohnson224 · 11/10/2016 15:10

Me again ..I'm going out with this guy on thursday for food.
I seen him Sunday and we had such a laugh but no kissing or anything.
He texts a lot goodnight etc ..I'm nervous tho incase I freeze when he try's to kiss me..if he try's to kiss me.
I suggested a meal near the sea front ..I thought after it would be nice to walk along the beach (maybe a kiss and cuddle ) after Sunday's date there was lots of people around and it was awkward.

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