Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Thanks MrsF

Catching up a bit.
hue I know you want to give mr unavailable a chance, and it's up to you, but I suspect the best thing might be one or two more irons. Thing is we can talk ourselves into things being more than they are. But it wouldn't hurt to spell out that you want to meet him (when he has time).
blank I feel/felt same as you. You need to work on your self image and self esteem. The right guy won't worry about what you think your imperfections are, unless they make you unhappy enough to be real issues. Your pics just need to look like you. I mistakenly put glam photos up the first time I did old, and ended up in a 'relationship' that confirmed I wasn't good enough and put me back a lot.
mrsFluff yay!
looby he didn't deserve you anyway
baklava, labrador good luck!
banty there's some great 'red flag' stuff on baggage reclaim, and esteemology.
roo
I've stopped checking old. Too scared to delete, but I've met a man I really like. We've had a few long dates, inc moose burgers , and I'm a teeny bit smitten. Trying not to rush, and I don't think he would anyway. I keep having to remind myself I'm supposed to be going slow. And making sure I spend my alone time doing exciting things for me, so I don't obsess over him

Aw, Slowly, that sounds lovely

Thanks slowly
That is lovely and I now exactly what you mean. It's nice falling for someone so enjoy it xx

*know

roo -I'm sorry to hear about your nan.
mrsfluffy - yay!!!!
slowly- yay!
Waves to new people!
Friend zoned guy really wants to meet me, we chatted on the phone for about 10 minutes. He seemed OK, and it's a nice feeling that a guy does want me.
I'm still attached to no kids guy, and I'm trying my hardest to forget him by moving on. It's not easy. Any tips would be gratefully acted upon.

Evil

Tips to move on, well with one ex when he moved abroad (we are friends on FB) and when I saw he was doing exactly the same to a new GF (emotionally unavailable etc - they've since ended) I realised he was charm personified but not a settling down kind not yet anyway. He has a new dog now!

Another ex (well non starter but we were in touch a lot, may post story here soon), I was sort of obsessed with him prompted by his communication with me, i was obsessed with whatsapp and what it meant, then I read a few articles (you can search online) which made it crystal clear why he wasn't available etc on whatsapp! So just archived his chats.... And deleted the contact. So then he's there if I want to check up, but I also know he's no good. I CBA with deciphering whatsapp ticks and playing games at my age! Hope this helps.

Also hate to say Evil I don't know your whole backstory but he may have wanted his own kids, may not have been sure about taking yours on etc. all his "issues" nothing to do with you!

It seems mr friend zone, wants to meet me for several hours.
:)

Oh what a fun night I've had ..just got home
We literally laughed all night,I fancy him too
He text me saying he wants to say me again ...
He was so normal ..I'm so surprised

Hello all, fantastic news for a lot of you with good dates over the weekend

Can I have advice from all you in the know? A real hottie who is also quite intelligent messaged me yesterday. We chatted a bit and then I nicely said I had to go as was going out and I would like to chat again, he did too . I sent him one fairly late last night and he sent me a nice one this morning and we chatted again for a bit. I ended it again, all good- we were both needing to go and do stuff. So, do I send him one tonight, or wait for him to send me one. We both had some work to do tonight for next week. I a sitting on my fingers but don't know whether it is too eager to message him first? or not since I stopped the message chain each time? I don't want to scare him off but equally, don't want him to think I am not interested. And how long is it likely to take for him to ask for a number?

Can you tell I am new to all this....

Moving on tips; new irons
And do nice stuff for you. Things that you always wanted to do and never got round to; read a book watch a film, visit somewhere, connect with friends etc. Just have fun and work out what you like. When I remember to do this I remember that although it's nice to have someone special, it's not essential.
ain'tthat I was doing this last week Friend reminded me that it's ok/nice to be excited. If you want to message him, message him. I get my knickers in a twist about "am I too much" etc, to the point where I don't message and they think I'm not interested, but actually, if it turns out I am too much that's just the way it is just be yourself

Thanks Slowly I have messaged him this mornign and he replied right away. Must be less invested. He could be fat, fifty and have 5 extra stone compared to his pictures.

Thank you also for this thread, I have been reading a while and picking up tips

Roo Mrsfluff

The Toyboy is keen ... he is lovely. Really sweet. No games, and he's always asking when he's going to see me again. I've been scarred in previous relationships though so my guard is as high as the Great Wall of China

I'm going to go with it ... I've come off OLD for now anyway

And Roo - the other RL guy, just kind of fizzled out. Hard enough trying to text one person let alone two buses, why do they all come at once

So, I have done a reverse image search, and it turns out the hottie is actually really a hottie because he has used pictures of some model. FFS!!

I am not sure After whether just to see if he messages back and then mention that I am watching a film the said person is in, or whether to delete him, or what. Decisions....

Can I please have opinions on a message I want to send? (sorry for long post)

Bit of background - I've been lurking here for a few weeks as I've recently ventured into OLD after the end of my 24 yr relationship - similar to others, not been with anyone else since 18 etc.so pretty terrified of the whole thing.
Anyway - I've met three men so far (via POF), two non-starters (but nice guys) and one who I am going to meet again, date tbc.
I had a look on Match today via the free "browse" option and came across the profile of a guy I used to work with, always thought he was lovely in a professional/platonic way but now I am interested in him for other reasons
I've composed this message - does it hit the right note without sounding too stalker-ish? We have mutual FB friends.
"Hi XXX, I hope you're well and that you don't mind me contacting you like this. Not sure you'll remember me but I used to work in xxxx team. I've recently joined Match and happened to come across your profile. I don't know if you're still looking to date but I thought nothing ventured, nothing gained, and a message via Facebook is slightly more personal than via match!. Anyway, if you'd like to get in touch it would be great to hear from you"

What do you think? Do I send it?

Yes send it forme. Nothing to lose

Great message forme, please let us know how you get on

Good evening
I have been asked out by two different guys--excited & nauseatingly nervous at once-I haven't been on a date for 16 years...
Seeing one on Saturday afternoon for coffee date Mr Beard & arranging other Mr Italian at the mo....eeekkkkkkk.....
Can I ask your opinion re number-should I offer my number now to Mr Beard as we've arranged to meet, or wait til nearer the time.
I feel like I have forgotten how to be a grown up.

Sent it - eeeek!

Thank you for your replies catty and Hygge

That sounds like a great email forme, good luck and keep us posted

My latest question- this time on match- There was a guy I really liked the look of, he had set me as a favourite and I emailed him. It is sitting in his in box not read (I have done the upgrade thing and he has too) so should be able to read it. He has looked at my profile a few times since. Do I send another message (since he hasn't read it and it maybe has got lost?), if he had read and ignored I wouldn't send again as would presume he isn't interested, or just leave it? Message was sent on 7th. Have I got anything to lose by sending again? apart from looking like a nutter?

Sorry for the ramble, new and not good at this...

Hello all

Date update - Mr Accidental online flirting with a work colleague was lovely and sweet, but no chemistry, as they say.

No other irons, due to being rubbish at multitasking, and the grim came and found me this weekend on POF...

Also - saw ex-dp's best mate on there - I know his wife is 8 months pregnant. Really made me sad about the whole thing... (OLD not ex-DP!)

Ooooh forme I like your message. Let us know what he says

Baklava thats awful Have they definitely not split up?