Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Right, I will just go ahead. I feel like a complete beginner at this.

First of all I am 32 and about 2 stone overweight. I don't feel like I have a very attractive face profile picture of me anywhere. I feel like I am already too old and fat, so what's the point?

Second, I did send a message to someone and this is the reply I had back:

Hello,
Sorry for not replying sooner. I've been moving house over the last weeek, and access to the internet has been fairly sporadic. It's always good to meet a fellow [author] fan (I also enjoyed that book though it's a long time since I read it. I remember thinking that the second half was better than the first, but I'm not sure I trust my memory on that! Hope you're enjoying it...) Have you read [other relevant] It is an interesting read, if a little heavy for the themes.
I hope the Soulmates experience is going well for you. To be honest, I'm quite keen not to do the distance thing for a bit, but I've met some really nice people through the site (Guardian readers - of course!) and I hope that it works out for you.
Best wishes,
S

I removed identifying details - just in case. We have a lot of interest in common but I live in Bath and he lives somewhere near Oxford. I can't decide whether I should reply encouraging him to stay in touch or just leave it unanswered. Unless anyone can word a better reply than my current "thanks, no worries, all the best"

Sorry to sound so despondent. The last person I met through this really wasted my time, so I know I need to toughen up.

Arghhhhhhhh! Just arghhhhhh!
I'm so fed up with 'ok stupid'
Just when I feel like a half decent bloke has come along and I spend time chatting to them they ghost me! Twice in the last few days! Two different guys... Both chatting away... Then the next day, a simple 'how ya doing today' message & NOTHING! I'm so over it.
Shall I take the tinder plunge? I'm nearly 40... Any Tinder fans out there?

I'm curious about Tinder too!! But also slightly eeek about the whole thing. Is it mostly a hook up site? Actually maybe that's the answer to my needs

Oh, God. I keep thinking about that guy I dated. He won't leave my head, sometimes it takes all my will power not to call him/find him. It's been a good 2 weeks, and this feeling won't go. I did love him, before he went, and he did phone me up and tell me he was falling for me.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Evil
I don't know what went on but if you feel you should then just do it!
Lime just discovered you need a FB account for Tinder & I gave up Facebook years ago so that's the end of Tinder for me.
Why are there so many ghosters out there? So frustrating

If you cant do tinder have you tried Happn or Bumble? I've met one guy from each - both nice guys. No spark but they were genuine good guys. Its worth a look.

Apparently you need FB for bumble too! Haven't heard of the other one you mentioned there, I'll take a look :)

tex- your the only one who has said this. Everyone tells me it gets better, I may not be crying my eyes out, but the feeling is still there.

Evil, I don't know what happened though! Was he a bastard?

Happn needs a FB account too! :(

I think I used FB for bumble but not happn - there might be alternative options. Have you tried all the others? You dont need FB for POF or Guardian Soulmates - though they've not got tinderish swipey technology.....

Tex- the only reason why we spilt, is because he didn't want kids. However he works with kids, and is ok with other people's kids.

Everything else was fine.

Evil, they sounds like an impossible situation.
Sorry to hear that.
Are you OLD-ing?
I just spent ages doing Guardian soulmates profile then discovered that to put your photo on it's over £30 a month! That's more than my water bill

I just had a ghoster come back. I full on asked him why he ghosted me... no response haha. I think he is so stupid he didn't even remember he had done it! Then suddenly he sends me a snapchat because he realised who I was and still had my number.
I actually really enjoyed making him feel uncomfortable about it

evil sorry if my asking about this had made it hard for you but thank you for sharing your story it's certainly made me proceed with caution and actually keep a hold on any thoughts of things going anywhere with my tinder date. We are on date 3 tomorrow but I'm not seeing it as anything other than fun now.

Are you still on touch with your man? Did you keep in contact even as friends? any idea how he is feeling? maybe he misses you too

myusername
That's funny!
I'm so bored of the ghosting-it's worse than a fucking haunted house!

Well, the meal went well..........I've just got home!! We had 3 sides of moose burgers

Last- the last time he spoke to me was when he left me. I've left a txt and emotional message (garbage) on his phone, and nothing. I know he checked our what's app convocation on Wednesday.
Still no contact.

I'd love to be his friend, but nothing.

What is a moose burger?

Mrs fluff that's impressive - chuffed for you

Thanks Hue, I was quite impressed

Evil, moose burgers is sex

Go mrs fluff that's most impressive, high five to you lady!
Wish I could get my date to chill out a bit and let go of his damn rules! Never met such an uptight guy. If he wasn't so hot I'd probably be bored but I'm seeing his 5 date rule as a challenge....
evil how can you tell he checked your whatsapp convo? I didn't know you could do that but I need to know how! God it's really sucky for you and I'm quite cross on your behalf because why the actual fuck would he carry on dating someone for 6 whole months if he knew he didn't want that set up of kids etc?

Morning all

blankpieceofpaper Not sure why no one has come back to you on your post. That message sounds quite final. I wouldn't contact him again - onto the next one

Evil I would message again ... then at least you know either way? Right?

So I went out last night, and bumped into my ex who turned out he had a girlfriend and since got engaged to It was shit. Can't stop thinking about him now gaaahhhh! I avoided eye contact and ran out the door pretty much ha! So mature. I have no interest in him, but I did really like him ... ffs

last- I'm not angry, (This is the thing that bugs my best friend). I just feel I'm waiting, for him to come through the door.

At the top is says; last seen ..... . It's by the picture of who you are talking to.