Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Mr Nice has young kids and reading the last posts, it does kind of worry me. I wasn't looking to meet anyone with littlies, as my own daughter is 16, so I'm all done with having to arrange life around her quite so much. I'm not sure it'll go very far with him, but just wanted to enjoy spending some time with him and get back out there. So I think just enjoy it for now send see what happens?

Hi all. I've been lurking and do post sometimes just after a bit of advice I've been chatting to a guy on pof for about a week and had our first phone conversation last night supposed to be a quick chat ended up being an hour and a half. He's seems really nice open caring all that but has said a few things that make me watchful mostly if I'm on pof he messages something like enjoying chatting to all these men. I mentioned how I used to fancy my boss a long time ago he said oh I'll have to wonder if you still do. Anyway tonight I had a notification on pof went on to check almost straight away he messaged saying you are mine. I called him on it and said he comes across a bit possessive and jealous and he said no no I'm just joking. Red flag??

MrShy update who I have been on 3 dates with and he hasn't Tried to kiss me.

He's currently out in the town I live in
I was out with a friend but we decided it was not ok to gatecrash uninvited so I went home with her earlier.
He's drunk now and I have made all of the flirty suggestions he can 'pop' over and he's reciprocated until I have said ok I'm going to bed and now he says he is too drunk. Which is fine but OMG I have not had sex for about 18 months and this no contact dating is making me crazy

Also since that post my breath was taken away by a message OLD from a guy I was seeing a year ago who I know I was addicted to sex wise and I went NC because I felt that he was so addictive and dangerous for me, so I feel ultimately weird and conflicted suddenly and miss him horribly but also hate him.

You know That starving song in the charts by Hailee Steinfield - he's that guy

Fuck my life

Addition it must be 18 months ago I saw him and he was the last person I had sex with if my posts don't make sense haha

catty MASSIVE RED FLAG

move along, this isn't the one you're looking for

I can't remember whether it was this thread or somewhere else I saw this but there's a Buddhist theory that the person you are meant to be with won't make your heart race. That's your body naturally being wary, it's the "fight or flight" adrenalin response and it's basically your body preparing for battle or to escape with a big surge of adrenalin. "The one" will make you feel calm and not jittery- so watch out for the ones who automatically make your heart flutter, steer well clear! I'm trying to teach myself about this and the last couple of guys I've really liked I had terrible butterflies about- they were Bad News though. And my body knew it before my brain did, obviously. Trying to learn to trust my own judgement, if my heart races and I start getting all "shit does he like me? Am I too old for him? Is he going to mind my mum tum and saggy boobs?"! Then I should really just move on. Hard though when we're taught that heart racing is a sign of attraction!

Just thought it was interesting based on some our stories here.

Meeting my mrRealLife today for coffee. We have talked every day this week on the phone and he is truly lovely. But not one ounce of cheekiness/flirt from him, I feel like I've been put in the friend zone. Unless he really is that rare breed of gentleman and is just waiting to unleash a torrent of filth on me after we've been on a few dates. He's asked me to a black tie do next weekend too which I'm looking forward to!

Happy Saturday everyone xx

So yeah catty I think you need to ditch him, fast! X

Sick that's quite an interesting theory and foes make some sense. I also worry about what I look like naked, but I'm trying to tell myself that if I'm getting nsked with them, then I'll feel comfortable? Only being with 1 person for the last 20 years certainly doesnt help with my nerves I hope coffee goes well for you.

I'm meeting Mr Nice this afternoon, he's getting flirty, but nicely and without any pressure. He's also asked if we can do something this evening, which I feel quite comfortable about. I think I might get a snog

Sick that's how I feel with MrShy and if I am honest he is becoming less and less attractive to me now. Being 'nice' only goes so far if there isn't any romance or flirting and I am totally losing interest and my confidence. I now feel like I am just a background option to MrShy and really wondering if I should bother going out with him again. I think what pissed me off was him saying 'god I'm so tempted to come see you right now' etc etc with no intention of actually doing it or meaning it. I wouldn't have gone so far as to invite him over if he hadn't responded that he was interested. But maybe i am being too hard on him about it?

I won't go back to the bad one. I text my best friend about it also and she will ensure that I hold my nerve with getting rid of him again.

I just blocked a guy who messaged me whose tag line was 'f* I'm always horny'

Gross

myusername ooo he sounds a delight! Ha ha at least he's honest about his intentions that's a plus perhaps??

Yeah can't really be pissed off with him for it!

Just wanted to pop on to say to catty, a man who is basically stalking you on PoF and saying you are his when you haven't even met?

As others have said, massive red flag, DO NOT get involved with this man, he has ishooos...!😱

Haven't had chance to catch up on thread yet, so apologies, but just popped on to tell you all that E-harmony have 'free communication' event until Tuesday. Still can't see their photos but you can read profiles and communicate with matches that have been psychometrically matched to you.

Hi all you are all right. He messaged at 1:30 this morning saying hello I said something like why are you up so late he said driving to yours so you can sneak me in. He knows the town I live in but not where but it did worry me a bit, I said don't bother I'm going to sleep and he hasn't replied. I'm going to have to tell him it's not going to work and honestly I'm a bit nervous of doing it.

Catty he sounds like a complete head case to be perfectly frank. Block on the site & block on your phone. Do not feel nervous telling him you are not comfortable, he's invaded your personal space and you owe him nothing, not even an explanation.

catty you don't owe him ANYTHING. Just a "it's been fun chatting but I've changed my mind, this won't work. Good luck."

And block block block. He sounds like an ass.

mrsfluff I am in the same boat as you! Was with my husband since I was 19, now I'm 40, we split in January. Dating has been like therapy for me as I've learned so much about myself. And I've only been toying with it, I'm not looking for another relationship, just distraction and fun with someone distracting and fun!

Right off to do my hair as have coffee date with MrRealLife soon! Eek!

Good lord Sick, we are very similar - my marriage broke down in January as well. I do think I'd like a relationship, but am happy for distraction and fun for now 😉

Have fun, I'm just waiting to meet Mr Nice for coffee 😃

Woo MrsFluff (I think I've appointed myself your cheer section, hope that's OK!)

I like that theory Sick - I will try to remember it.

myuser - sounds tricky - read what Sick said - stress reactions are no fun! You deserve someone who you can relax with

Thanks Baklava Coffee went well, so going out to eat tonight. He's very easy company, but I don't know that I see it going anywhere really - we're so different and at very different stages in our lives.

Ooh some dates going on today good luck mrs fluff and also sick n span looking forward to the updates!
catty I agree with the others, block and don't feel guilty at all, it's very red flaggy
Well another thing I wanted opinions on, just because I've never had it happen before and am interested in your experiences is this...
The guy I've had a couple of dates with told me he has a minimum 5 dates rule before sex. Most blokes can't wait to get you in the sack, and I also don't like to date someone for a month/6 weeks and have it built up to a massive deal only to find out you are not at all compatible in this area!
I'm wondering why he is asking to take things slowly and in his words "get to know someone properly" first. My initial thoughts is that he's got some kind of issue there that he's trying to delay me finding out like premature ejaculation or a micro penis! Am I reading into this too much? But obviously him saying no not yet is making him seem WAY more attractive

Hello I was part of this sort of thread ages ago under another name. Can I please join you with some annoying questions? And post a message I would like some advice on how to reply to? I am giving this another go after something which petered out a while back.

Happy to read all these updates. I'm in a dilemma over my Mr unavailable from Tinder. We've been messaging all week but no hint of a date. I did ask him but his Mum is in a hospice so sounds like all His spare time is spent there. Do I hang around & wait til he has some free time or give up. No other irons ATM so nothing to lose but just not sure whatcto do. I feel at least if we met I'd have a better idea if it was worth pursuing. Any advice?