Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I've been reading this thread with interest and it's persuaded me to give OLD a shot as I'm finding all of the stories both fascinating and a bit

Thought I'd dip a toe in without giving too much away so put bare minimum details and no photos on Match which means I can see profiles.....and then I spotted someone I know from the same (small) town and someone from work and I'm running scared!! Tell me I'm being irrational!! There's bound to be people on there I know and that's ok isn't it??! For some reason that makes me uncomfortable

Oh Lime, I see people I know all the time. Even went on a 'practise date' with one of them. Haha.
I am getting lots of messages late at night 11-12ish (if I'm still awake) - ....bored drunk blokes back from the pub. Had a lovely chat with one at midnight last night (I'd been out & it was like chatting at an imaginary bar! Haha) then today... Nothing from him at all !

Tex - loving the imaginary bar . Blokes are strange aren't they, the chatting and then the vanishing, what's that all about?!

Honestly totally panicked when I saw an acquaintance, felt like he could actually see me in real life!! Building up the courage to put up photos now, might do it tomorrow night after some wine

Oh Baklava, that's a little bit funny If you were both flirting, that means you were both interested? It might be worth fronting it out in real life?

Phone chat actually went really well, very chatty and not at all awkward. I could definitely hear his Yorkshire roots! I'm off today, so we're going to message some more and make plans to meet. My only hesitancy is that he has 2 young children. He sounds like a lovely Dad, but young kids wasn't something I wanted to factor in to my life really. I think I'll meet him and see how we get on and take it from there.

Hi Tess Don't lose hope ... what sites are you on?

Lime Aargh, I panic when I see someone I know ... I never match to them for fear of it being a joke to them I really wish you could set a radius far enough out that you probably won't know them

Glad the phone chat went well MrsFluff - exciting about an actual meet up!

Yes, we've arranged a meeting to discuss the work thing we were talking about on the phone at work yesterday unaware that we were doing silly flirting at night! I reckon it'll be easy to slide into a friendly colleague relationship if there's no spark (flirting was silly convo's rather than sexy, iykwim).

But I need to get out of my cycle of before the meeting!

That all sounds good Baklava

It looks like I'm meeting Mr Nice for coffee......today!!! Eek!

Hi again all, I've posted a few times in the last week but never get any response. Thought I'd try again!

Mrs fluff good luck with your coffee date today, if it's already happened how did it go?

If anyone has any experience of my current situation I'd love to hear any thoughts advice! Had 2 dates with a guy, were both on our 40's loads of chemistry and he's asked to see me again so seems keen. Loads of messaging and phone calls etc. My concern is that he has no children and says he never wanted them, he just says it wasn't something that ever interested him. But I have 4! My youngest is only just turning 4, he's with me all he time as his father is a knob and doesn't see him so we very much come as a package. How the fuck is that supposed to work with a man who doesn't want, and I assume that means like, kids? I can just date him, be casual and see where it goes as it unfolds no expectations but I tend to be one of these stupid women who fall hard and fast. I don't know if I'm being really stupid dating this man, he says it's fine and he usually date women with kids because then there is no pressure on it to be a baby daddy so he seems ok with it but that's fine in theory, the reality is I can't go out for days or weekends away, I can't do spontaneous and actually I'm very limited with what I can do date wise! I can see me getting hurt here, he'll say it's fine, I'll believe him then 3 months in as I start to have feelings for him he'll suddenly announce it's too complicated and hard work! WWYD please and thank you!

lastnickname - I don't have kids so not sure I'm the best person to comment but didn't want to read and run. My first response is to give it a go and have no expectations, just have fun but I'm the same as you, in that I fall easily for guys and then get hurt. If you are already concerned about being able to make time together then maybe best to consider it one to put in the "just too difficult box".

Why don't you go for date 3 and if you're both keen then have a proper chat about your concerns and be realistic about things

Thanks for the reply lime.
I was thinking of doing that, we have a coffee date Sunday so depending on how that goes, if we both still feel keen then I guess I'll have to risk putting him off and/or sounding over invested by asking him bluntly for a chat about it. I just don't want to come over all heavy with someone I've just met!

I know what you mean, don't want it to sound like you're picking the church!! Maybe casual mentions if you're talking about next dates, drop in that spontaneity is difficult, is he ok with that, etc etc but you've maybe done that and he's said its fine. It's a difficult one

Gah it's so hard at this age and stage! I usually date men with kids of their own, said I'd not really consider a man who hadn't got children just because they don't understand how they are not going to be your priority or the restrictions of it. I only thought I'd meet this guy for one quick drink because he's very local to me and I wasn't expecting to like him. But he's lovely and also hot! After the first and second dates I expected not to see him again and assumed he might not ask but he seems pretty interested. I guess all I can do is remember it's very early days and go with the flow

Quick update - afternoon drink went well, we're meeting again tomorrow!! Mr Nice is very nice

That's a good start to the weekend Mrsfluff

mrsfluff I am the same re hard & fast- it's hard isn't it! My way of getting over that is if things start petering out or I think there's a major bump in the road looming then get swiping/chatting to others...never failed me yet

Great news mrs fluff!
What's on the agenda for tomorrow's date?

Woo! go mrsfluff

Have a lovely date...

I've got to work till midnight, will try to spend the time actually working instead of messing around on the internet with boys...

last- I dated a guy like this for 6 months. Other kids weren't a problem, he worked as a teacher. 6 months down the line he told me he didn't want kids, and bolted out the door. Haven't heard from him since.
Yes I know it doesn't make sense, but I've been left pondering that.

Mrs how exciting!
Last I say be wary ... I'd avoid because I'm like you, have a habit of falling for the unsuitable ones. But if you're keeping it all light and casual then where's the harm?

I've had a couple of messages from InvoluntaryCelibacy's Ben from upthread. No suggestion of a photoshoot yet but I'll keep you posted

Still got my three from the deep south seeming keen. One appears to be absolutely stinking rich and super keen, one hasn't progressed beyond sporadic funny messages (fine with me) and one I spoke to on the phone earlier and he seemed v nice. He regularly works about an hour away from me and is also relocating further north soon which sounds promising.

I'm looking forward to updates on everyone's weekend dates!!

Is anyone having problems with tinder? I can't seem to log on.

last I would just go with the flow too...

evileater no tinder Is fine for me.

.labrador good you have 3 on the go seem to be "normal".

Can't think of nicknames I gave but widower seems nice and was smiling I.e. Told me i'd put a smile on his face re possible trip to another city he's not been to yet.

Italian stallion (new nickname) I think I'm not sure I fancy him but got date planned for Sunday.

A flirty and younger tinder prospect (8 years younger) seems to think of me as Goddess material

Thanks ladies I'll just try my best to treat it as casual and take it one date at a time. But evil 6 months in is in relationship terratory so you must have been hurt and pissed off!!

Nice to see some promising updates!

I have two dates tomorrow! One is very (possibly too) tall, quick-witted and artsy; the other seems kind, cute and maths-smart. They have the same name and have both suggested cocktails... In my defence, I only have one day a week I can date!

Please can someone cheer me up?

Been feeling down all week. Last year when I spent my weekends alone sleeping and ironing I was happy. Now I've been out and broken my celibacy I realise there's more to life than watching tv on your own.

I need to get a grip!

last- I was/am hurt. When he broke up with me, I could see it hurt him. We both had strong feelings for each other, we both really clicked, he met my sister, my work friends, even my best friend. We did a trip to bath, on my birthday, he bought me a wonderful dress. We both loved each other's flaws. I truly cared for him, when he was ill I sent him a care package.

He dumped me, because of not wanting kids. Why do you date a single mum? Just because your not the biological dad, he still would have been a dad all but in name. I know some girl tried to trick him into staying, by saying she was pregnant, but that's not me. I told him, it would be nice, but it would have to be planned and everything right. For fuck sake, I stayed a different guy for 8/9 years who wanted a kid but didn't think he could have them.

Personally I think he's scared of commitment. Kids are the ultimate commitment.