Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Aww Welsh thats a nice message ... you're brave. As soon as I feel like I'm being ghosted, I tend to block. It then makes me feel like I have the upper hand weirdly

I agree Welsh, great message, let us know if he gets back to you 👏

Great message, Welsh
I'm thinking of sending something similar ... In the beginning there were a couple of good'uns who I might have let slip through the net...thought some more crackers might appear. How wrong I was.....

Welsh That's a great message, strikes the exact right note! Here's hoping he comes back soon

Prizey That's a great idea, might try that. Haven't dared brave Tinder yet, I've heard some horror stories but Match isn't doing the job and at least Tinder is free so ....

Just had a new record, got checked out by a 19 year old and a 50 year old within minutes of each other. I clearly have a wide appeal

Lol Labrador you are really rocking that multi-generational magnetism

I've been a popular person it seems.
Lots of guys saying how beautiful I am, and they seem to have a common theme. They all lack thier own teeth! Yuk.

I've got three guys talking to me.
1, he's been friend zoned as he suggested me to catch a train to his place over an hour away! And I've never met the guy. He's providing great heart break advice.

2, he has his own business, and seems really nice. He's texting me pretty much every nite. Hopefully we can meet on Friday. Older than me

3, only just older. Not too far away. He also seems interested me.

Evil - intrigued/horrified by how you know they lack their own teeth. Do photos show an absence of teeth or the obvious presence of false teeth? Or are they selling themselves by saying that they don't have teeth?

They all lack their own teeth? They sound lovely

I had a date last week and had sex which I wanted to do at the time but feel really emotional now. I keep thinking I'm awful at sex and I'm annoying. It's knocked my confidence even though he was pleasant enough. I just want to cry.

Anyway! I've come to the conclusion I definitely don't want anymore one night stands. I don't even know if I want a relationship. What do I want?!?

Oh mother I know exactly how you feel. ONS just aren't for me, so I recently discovered. At least you've found that out now. You know what you are looking for now so just consider it a learning curve and don't worry, most people have had a ONS at some point or other.

Oh...well I should say maybe you don't know what you are looking for but you know a ONS isn't it! Maybe casual dating, exclusive FWB? What are all these terms anyway???

New here - Hi! Although I'm on a few sites and apps I'm just window shopping at the moment as I'm not feeling superhot for a number of reasons... But re ONS, for me it could seem like a good idea but afterwards whether I really liked them or not I'd end up feeling a bit rejected. I think its the oxytocin delivering a bit of bonding, or also being reminded of sex you've had before that felt more loving and meaningful. Whatever it made me feel a bit more lonely so I stopped and only really bother after a few dates and feeling a bit more confident in the person. Ultimately for me sex works best in a relationship.

Yes prizey that's what I want an exclusive Fwb!! Is that having my cake and eating it though?

I know exactly what you mean garlic I wouldnt want a relationship with the ons but I still feel upset. I think it's the false intimacy too. We kind of acted like we were in a relationship and then had sex. But we actually had no feelings.

Then mother at least you can put a label on what it is you are after, I think loads of men would want the same. In reality I think this is how all relationships should start out. If eventually you (both) fall in love with then obviously it goes one step further, but essentially all relationships should start as friends (with benefits). It's just the getting him to be exclusive that's the tricky part

I've heard back from MrHipster! He sent me a lovely message basically saying that there has been some RL development with a friend and it felt wrong to lead me on - he was really glad I messaged and said that basically it was just crappy timing as he thought I was lovely but he was coming off Tinder to give this RL thing a chance. I was really grateful for his honesty, and we've connected on FB so we don't loses touch and to chat as friends because we just get on really well.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit gutted but I feel so much better not thinking I got ghosted or that I did something wrong or wasn't likeable, and I think I'll make a fine friend out of him - and if his romance doesn't work out who knows??

So glad I sent the message, thanks for the hand holding x

That's lovely Welsh - well done for taking control and knowing where you stand. Onwards and upwards, eh? I'm glad that it's not just me that struggles with multiple irons...

Hey roo - he said very firmly that it was his turn to make the effort and suggest a date. I thought straight away that he just wanted to ghost his way out. I think mutual ignoring is the way forward...

Exclusive FWB sounds like my last relationship - which lasted 6 years... Now I want to date an actual grown up (but it would be nice to find a grown up who has his own teeth...)

Mrsfluff If I knew how to stop I would, believe me!

Welsh That's great that you're keeping in touch, must have been the just-right message

No new developments here. Lots of the usual interest from the far south of the country and a lovely looking older man with a foot fetish who wanted me to send him pictures of my feet (with socks on - how weird is that??)

Apart from that I got nothing.

Mother- I really understand where you are coming from. There is nothing wrong in wanting a loving and caring relealtionship. No matter how much my sex drive is screaming, to me a loving and caring relealtionship comes first. My approach, invest in a good rabbit.

UPDATE
Well guy one, (the friend zoned one) is coming up on the train to meet me. After a lot of persistent, I've relented. At lest if I see this guy for a cup of tea, (no pun/innuendo) I can see he's just friend material.

Guy 2, No confirmation of meeting. Still seems nice.
Guy 3, nothing.

It seems my popularity has subsided. On another note it seems my ex BF is over me. He has a new picture on tinder, and he's back on what's app.

Evil Don't rule this guy out, you never know if sparks will fly when you are face to face. Sorry to hear about your ex too. I found out today that my ex is seeing a 20 year old. He's 38.

Another new record this evening, winked at by a 68 year old.

I'm definitely taking a break from Match.

Lab- sorry to hear that.

I'm still struggling getting over the exBF, the only reason we did work was on account of our views on kids. I possibly wanted one, he was against. It's a terrible shame, we both really liked each other and fitted each other really well. That's 6 months out the window. Why the fuck do you date a single mum, if you don't want kids!

Well I'm no closer to a date!! He said yes, but then avoided discussing it further. I messaged today, suggesting a drink/coffee on Friday, in the day. He messaged 3 times, but ignored my question. So I outright asked and no, he couldn't do it as it's last non work day before he works the weekend - but no other suggestion. So, I told him I'd leave the ball in his court, as a girls confidence could only take so much

What is generall opinion of black and white photos? And messaging first?

Is this where I'm going wrong?

If I like the look of them, I get and message - they have 2 choices
I've been messaging a nice chap all evening and I contacted him first.

What happens when, you see the same guys on OLD?

Evil that's a pretty important point to differ on, I say be pleased it was only 6 months. Onwards and upwards! Ref black & white photos, beware. They can be ridiculously flattering and make a 6/10 look like a solid 8. And messaging first has never worked for me, it seems to scare the men I've contacted! I just think well, if that scares you there's no way you could handle me in real life!!

mrs messaging first obviously isn't having the same effect for you, bravo!