Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

You probably worked out that should have been 'not interested' 😆

I had a coffee date today and it was very pleasant and he was attractive, lovely and chatty and interesting, but I felt no flirtation vibes on either side - maybe I'm expecting too much for a first (and sober!) date? Should there be sparks?

Have fun Topknob!

quarter sounds good for a first date! I wouldn't necessarily worry about a spark.

top good luck, hope it's fun!

What's your thought on guys who ask to meet up for a coffee in their first message?

I do like a bit of messaging back and forth to build up some sort of rapport. However I've had 3 guys in a row asking to meet either in the first or second message. I guess meeting is the only way to know but it feels a bid odd to me ( though everything feels odd in the world of OLD ). I think I'm biased by the fact that I'd arranged to meet one such guy last week and then got ghosted ( although I guess that could have happened even with more messaging 'rapport'!).

Good point Clawdeen, what are the usual time scales for being asked out or invited for a coffee etc?
In the first message conversation, after a couple of days etc?
And who would 'usually' do the asking?
Apologies for the relentless questions...

Ok, another question- what's the deal with wattsapp ??
Just been asked if I'm on it, but that means giving my phone number...?
Is this usual? (Blushing at my own naiivity here)...

I sometimes think a lot of these issues would be at least partially solved by having a phone conversation. I don't really like talking on the phone with a stranger but it can help you get a better idea of what the person is like without having to actually meet them. There's not really any short cuts in dating, it does take time to get to know someone and although you might think. OLD should circumvent ( is that a word? It's late ), it doesn't really. Try to have an open mind and take what pp say with a pinch of salt. I've met some lovely men but also met a lot of fuckwits and timewasters. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with and remember you're not obliged to reply to any messages. Someone once said to regard them the same way you would spam mail, you don't reply to that would you...?

On POF, started chatting to a guy, who I found out lives 54 miles away one way. He thinks it's too far but sounds so lovely. We are still chatting, he is afraid we will meet and like each other then get fed up of the traveling. My circs mean I can't meet him much anyway. Do you think I should give up with him, is he just trying to say he's not that into me???

Morning all!
Quarter date sounds like it went well, I think the spark thing isn't always necessary, there are slow burners and there are people you fancy the pants off (the latter IME, doesn't end well)
angel how long would the journey take, it doesn sound like he's trying to put you off for some reason so tread carefully
Hygg yes you would need to give out your phone number for whatsapp, if you are uncomfortable with this, then ask him what is wrong with the site messaging system for the time being?
topknob good luck, how did it go? toilet up date!!
clawdeen I'd say the first message for asking out for coffee, isn't necessarily a red flag, personally I prefer a bit of back and forth to see if humours match, personal circumstances would work etc, but then some people like to discuss this on the date. What ever you feel comfortable with.
destiny I like the 'spam' mail analogy, wish there was a decent spam folder which would work.
So date last night with MrBolt, was very nice. Lovely guy, chatted effortlessly, he's good looking, interesting, funny, cute and very sweet. I felt really comfortable with him. He is also very keen (in a non-leery way). Problem being I'm not sure if there was any attraction for me, he's shorter and smaller frame than my ideal, and I find that issue a big one to get over, but other than that I'm sure he has all the makings of a great potential boyfriend. Need to take heed of my own advice to Quarter re slow burner. I'll go on another date, see what happens. He has already given me options on what I'd like to do for next date, told you he was keen

It sounds like some nice dates have been happening this weekend 😃

I was asked out for a drink in a first message and found it too direct!! However, I've not actually met anyone yet

Last night I heard from the it her chap I'd been messaging - he's back from his break today, so I'm hoping hell be in touch and that we'll arrange to meet. Otherwise I'll move on. Had a look on Match yesterday, but nobody was particularly floating my boat!!

Hi Prizeyprize, thank you for the reply. Did you mean it sounds as he is trying to put me off?? or doesn't? It would take 1hr 20 mins. He started putting obstacles in the way even before anything took place. Saying once he realised where I was he had second thoughts. I don't get it. He still chats to me though, do you think I should give up on that one?? I am so rubbish with dating and choosing men tbh as have picked a few wrong uns in the past. One I unfortunately married......

Angel, tbh, that would be a longer journey then I would want to do. I'd also worry that even if you hit it off, it will always be a hurdle.

I suppose so. Trouble is there are no singe men where I live, I have to look further afield.
I don't mind travelling, but apparently he has done it before and told me I would get fed up of it...well at least give the chance to find out. Blooming men!!!!!

Lol, he's already telling you what you'll think and he hasn't even met you yet!!

Exactly!!!! at least give me the chance to make my own mind up. Mind you, I have dismissed someone on tinder because he was quite far away, but I didn't have childcare then, now I do, typical isn't it....

Yes it is typical!! My daughter is 16, so no childcare worries for me, I just need a date to go on

Angel sorry there was a rogue 'n' after does. I think he is trying to put you off, so I predict you'd be making all the effort.

I see, prizeyprize. Yep another one bites the dust. He is the only one I remotely liked through a lot of scrolling and he liked me. I am fed up of men just wanting a quick bunk up and then disappearing. I am the prize!!!!!! I like that one.

Prizey give him a chance you never know.
Carguy and I are arranging another date we both have ridiculously stupid jobs that mean logistics are tricky.

is that for me lonecat?? I think its him not willing to give me a chance. Probably a lucky escape.

So re the all men marry bitches book, which bits work. I am terrible, If I like someone I want to chat to them all the time, via text, WhatsApp etc. Is that so wrong.

Thank you lone. Yes I will give him a chance, even though the initial spark wasn't there for me last night, I enjoy his company and he is such a sweet guy, you never know do you?

prizey I would go on another date now. I totally understand where you're coming from, but you never know. I think the guy's confidence has alot to do with it. I went on 2 dates with a shorter guy and he kept going on and on about the height difference and calling himself a midget. It was really off putting.

I'm 5'9" and would ideally like a taller guy as it just makes me feel more feminine. However, after a few months of OLD and encountering so many twats, I would take a shorter non-twat any day!! I dated a guy earlier this year who was about 5'6". After the first 2 dates, I was moaning to my friends 'he's so short and slim, I probably weigh more than him, I couldn't ever fancy him'. Date 3 and we had moose burgers and they were probably the best I've ever had!! My friends couldn't stop laughing at my about turn but actually the height difference made no difference in bed! Shame he ended up being a complete twat though!

Well I went, he was nice enough but just nothing from me.

I get you Claw, I'm 6'0" and have spent 20 years with someone just a shade shorter than you. My Match search criteria is very basic, but they do at least need to be tall

Thanks claw I've always dated/married shorter guys, but since I recently dated a taller guy nice guy, crappy boyfriend and realised how attracted I was to that broad shoulder/tall guy thing, fancied him so much even though he had nothing else going in his favour. Need to have a word with myself and stop being silly.
Oh no top what wasn't right for you?

I've gone back on POF because I think mr Shy has me in the friend zone.

Anyway the first guy who has chatted to me is quite irritating but I can't put my finger on why? He seems like he is rambling on talking and I have only replied once and he told me he thinks we would get on as I am smart and his only other date was a dull woman