Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I really think it would help you to talk to someone, perhaps your GP?

I think your deep feelings of rejection are not really related to this man but it's opened up a wound. A man can't fix that. Finding a man won't magic all those feelings away for you.

Been there, done that. No real help.

I've had alot of this lately. One and off guys and it does make me wonder if it is just me.

You sound quite down. I don't know you in real life or how you are when you date but people want a connection and positive feelings, I think if they get the impression they need to be a white knight to save you from unhappiness (like rapunzel in a tower) it might be a scary task for them.
Also everything I suggest you could try or do, you have an answer as to why you can't do it. You do need to be in a more positive frame of mind when dating because it's bloody hard. You need a thick skin. I've been single for years. I'm not sure I've ever been in love. I've suffered from horrible depression that is worse in the winter. But the only person who can make changes for me is ME. I also have learnt to enjoy being single. Now I feel I am ready to meet someone who compliments my life.
I think you might need to look at how you come across and what kinds of men you are attracted to (emotionally unavailable men?) and how you can make your life better for you, and in turn better for someone else to want to join you in it

No Im not like that on dates.

With this last guy, he remarked I was really funny and cool and we got on well. If anything he was a bit of a moaner.

He said I was actually quite hyper and funny to be with.

I was ok with him and then it was only when I realised he had fucked off that I felt down again.

But I never conveyed that or that I wanted anything from him.

Morning all, please can I have some advice? Solo, things have been getting very hot and heavy, on text, with the chap I'm due to meet tomorrow. Last night we started making arrangements to meet - I suggested somewhere in the middle of us, he suggested somewhere closes to him - so that if we get on we could go back to his for sex. I said no, a public place only, as we've not met before.

He then asks if I'm driving - yes - so perhaps we can go for a drive in my car, watch the sunset on the downs and then see what happens. I'm quite sure I know what he expects to happen!!!!!

I really wasn't thinking it would be long term and was quite open to it being a bit of a fling - but not the first time we meet!! He's too full on for me, like a dog in heat!

So I need to tell him I don't want to meet, block his number and block him on Match - but what do I say? Any advice please? (Sorry this is long)

Hi mrs fluff
Hope you're ok
If you feel uncomfortable with this (I would!) just be honest
I was getting bored of waiting for arrangements to be made & said something like 'I've enjoyed our fleeting pen pal moments but it sounds like we both want different things' then block & move on..
( Amend as appropriate)

Just say I think we want different things, sorry, then block! He's got a bloody cheek!

fluff

I have a similar situation with mrfridaynight.
I would just send a message and say you want different things and then block.

Mrlovely and myself are meant to be going out tonight
Still deciding where to go.

Any suggestions?

top go somewhere you can talk, I find cinema isn't a good idea,

fluff block its not worth the hassle, if he is only after a hook up and that's not what your looking for then its not worth trying to make it something it isn't.

As for my dating life......well.....Ive been messaging a few people, decided to cut off a few old flings mainly because they either got too attached to me or me to them and the feeling wasn't mutual.

I have a date partially arranged for next Thursday as I am in their local area at a former works drinks/meal (because my old work still loves me enough to invite me) and thought I could meet up with them after, however this in itself brings an issue in the fact that one of my long term flings lives very close by and I am likely to run in to him, but we are still on speaking terms (not that we have really spoken for a number of months) but I do wonder if I should forewarn him of my intentions (before one of his friends tells him)

Ive also been speaking on and off with a police officer for a year or so and he has asked me out on a date (eeeekkkkk) I figured we get on well so if nothing else we can be good friends.

I have also returned to my friend with benefits, but not been having benefits if that makes sense, we have been friends for 3years and it seems sad to just erase each other from our lives. I missed our late night and early morning chats, and when I lost my job he was one of only 3 people to offer me help if I needed it

Have a great time top
Good luck fluff
our you sound like you've got the hang of this!
I'm fed up with it today. I have 3rd date in dairy this weekend. No venue. No time. I was v excited. So excited I haven't even been on my old apps all week. Some strange conversations this week; a couple of times he alluded to thinking we were v different (as in incompatible I read), and when I called him on it he told me to chill out and enjoy it. I guess I'm trying to avoid one off shag. Although it wouldn't be the end of the world I'd be disappointed. I know I'm not the best judge of a mans intentions.
No other irons (well possibly one but he probably thinks I'm ignoring him). I think I'm over invested as I just couldn't help myself popping onto his profile, and see he's 'online now'. One of the things that bugged me about him at the start is that he seems to be permanently on the bloody site.
Tried to do the whole concurrent thing at the start but I'm not good at it. I only get one child free evening/day a week, and I need to meet them before I can open up. I think I'm just venting. Bleurghhh.

I haven't heard back yet this morning, so we'll see if anything gets arranged.

It is very frustrating no knowing slowly, have you suggested anything to him?

slowly I am able to do the concurrent thing it doesn't bother me until we are at a stage of being intimate.

Ive been online dating on and off for a while (about 4 years) so my skin is a lot thicker and my rose tinted glasses have been well and truly smashed, but we all get in too deep sometimes (coughs, mrhackney, cough) just go with the flow, however if he is already making excuses as to why a relationship wouldn't work it does sound like he only wants a friends with benefits situation at most and doesn't see you as a potential girlfriend, which is fine if that's what you are looking for but if not then I would get out now before you become too emotionally invested

Ver nervous and slightly excited by date with carguy tonight going to nice pub to eat. Though he has been at work since 4.30am this morning so is likely to be pretty tired by 8pm this evening.

can I join the club please. I have signed up to POF and Completelyfreedating.com Have received several interested emails, but a bit scared to respond. One of them has told me he is in love with me already...and we have only had chitter chatter! At 51 this is a scary new world to me. I have had 2 relationships. One who I was with for 28 years from school and the other I met in 2012 and ended when he moved towns this year. I have never met anyone online before and a little wary so this thread is great for me to read everyones experiences and hopefully have my own to share x

Hi all!

I dip in and out of these threads all the time! But before I divulge too much and whilst I catch up (only on page 3!!), what is the opinion on dating a friend of your ex(who you were with 6 years, but was a bit of an ass)? Not close friend, but associated through work and a few other mutual friends.

username that was really good advice.

Queen she's right, you know. I have been disproportionally down over a guy with whom it didn't work out. We had one date and it was weeks ago! In my head, I know I'm being irrational. I hardly knew him after all. There has to be a deeper issue, and it's up to me to figure it out, so that I won't have this time and time again.

The guy who rejected you is only part of the problem. You are responsible for your reaction to how he has treated you, if that makes sense.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to block him on Match, text him that it's not working for me.....or something like that....and then block his number.

I will wait to hear from the other chap over the weekend and then I will have another look through Match, but this time a little wiser I think.

looby how did it go with younger guy. I hope everyone has a lovely date filled weekend

Not heard a thing...not happening I guess.

I replied to his text from last night at 7.30 this morning. Should I send another text asking if he is still on for tonight?

top Argh, they are such dicks! Personally I wouldn't bother. But it's up to you.

Oh now I am super nervous carguy has just phoned to confirm our date.

I won't bother actually.

I am the prize....I need to remember that!

lone

Good luck !

Good luck Lone, have fun!

Top, yes you are

It's not so much rejection, I can handle that.

it is the lies. I like you. We must see each other again, I'll call you this weekend and then nothing.....if they have no intention why say it.