Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

He was awful. And older than that guy and never had a serious GF -I was his longest. Then last time I saw him he loved to tell me his current girlfriend was longer and better than me. Then tried to have sex with me. Then told me more horrible things about myself.

I get what you mean - it was normal stuff but clearly he's not normal and just wanted a totally vacuous easy life where he could pretend you didn't mean anything? The moment you tell people like this 'normal' things it's shattering their bizarre illusions.

Dear god myuser I would love to plant a boot up the arse of the guy that said that to you, and indeed any woman. Thank jeebus you got away from him!! 😡
Good advice there from you to Queen. I joined a few MeetUp groups when I had bad doldrums- they help!! Chin up Queen. I know it's hard but we'll come through - and hey! At least you're not feckin 46 like me!! 🙄😣

I get what you mean - it was normal stuff but clearly he's not normal and just wanted a totally vacuous easy life where he could pretend you didn't mean anything? The moment you tell people like this 'normal' things it's shattering their bizarre illusions.

I dont know. The thing is, he told me a whole raft about himself too. Things that raised a few eyebrows from me. But I am non judging or anything. I thought he was cool as he was open too.

It has been a few weeks now. Longer than the last vanish.

he has probably gone now huh.

He's shit in bed and I had to make all the effort to make it even semi enjoyable which is possibly why he hates me so much - he could tell I was over compensating!

Does that help

Ugh he sounds even worse than I thought Queen.

He is clearly an idiot

I know Myusername but we did get on very well together. Always laughing.

he acknowledged it. he said we REALLY should meet again. Emphasis on the really. We get on so well and you are SO cool he said.

Fuck.

He said some very kind things about me. Listed in order the things about me he liked the best.

my hair, my beautiful eyes and then my gorgeous figure. His words.

He paid lovely compliments to my style of dress saying ti was beautiful and classical.

it was nice to feel appreciated. he said he would text and then he said no I'll call and I'll see you soon.......

Prizey date being set up right now, suggested by him. 8 years is fine that is where I am looking as being in my 40s all the men my age are looking for younger models,

But he doesn't want to truely do that. He has a megaton of issues about himself that he is probably unaware of and says all kinds of things to women he doesn't mean. He may have other women or other stuff in his life which are more important. It doesn't mean you did anything or said anything wrong. I think his feedback to you was horrible, given the circumstances of him sharing things too.
I think his actions should be judged and not his words. Words can mean any old shit. It what you DO that matters and he's an idiot. I have declared him that. And I think you just need to reconnect with friends and yourself to have some fun and rediscover your positivity and then get yourself back out there.
Dwelling on it won't change or solve anything it just makes you feel worse.

Queen basically he sounds shallow. He liked your exterior not your interior which is the most important part!

other stuff in his life which are more important.

yeah. married to his job. Junior dr.

he had to abandon one of our dates as he had to go back in as a patient wasnt doing well.

he literally works so much.

He said I was so cool though and we got on really well and we should meet again.

How many times did you go out?

Um hardto tell. Date 1 ended up extending into three days. Then he vanished.

then saw him once again.

he also remarked when we met again that we spent ALOT of time together when we first met. Well he asked for it. maybe he didnt want to get drawn in too quick.

He really doesn't sound like he wants what you want

What do you think I want?

I am not a possessive person and never have been.

I went along with him asking me out but i hesitated when he asked me again so quick.

I never chased him or implied I wanted anything from him.

It sounds like you want to settle down as you are lonely and time is running out and he is a man beginning the start of a very long and arduous doctor training career with horrendous hours and commitments who has never had a long term girlfriend who critiqued your dating style then has ignored you on multiple occasions despite promising you he wanted to date you?

I just don't think he sounds like the man for you.

queen it sounds to me that he's just not that into you. Sorry to be blunt but I think as a pp said, it would be better for you to focus on making yourself happy than allow some guy who isn't making any effort to determine how you feel about yourself.

I know that's a lot harder said than done when you're lonely but you're worth so much more.

Well he isnt beginning it. He on the home run. He is 35. He has 18 months or less left of specialist training.

I don't know what to say. You have only met him twice and he hasn't treated you very well. I work in the NHS and unless they are on call, junior doctors don't get called in for their patients - there is an on call rota for that. And on call doctors can't go out on dates because they are covering the whole hospital. So I'm not sure he is being honest.

Four times. We met on the friday. Then he asked me again for the Saturday and again for the Sunday. All him asking.

Then the last time. I was there when he got the call. I heard him take it. Someone he had operated on was having complications.

I wasnt bothered about him at all but then just started thinking of him for some reason.

Do you think he faked that to get rid of me? Seems a bit calculated after asking me out for drinks. I was going home that night anyway.

What do you want from him? If you want to find out what's going on then you have to be up front and ask him. I just think after only a few dates and his job which he clearly takes very seriously it might not be the answer you want to hear but it's better than being unhappy waiting to hear from him. I still think you should chalk this up as experience and move on

Did he drink? If yes then he's faking. It's completely illegal for starts.
Yes I don't think that sounds right. He's not some private surgeon he's a registrar, who doesn't have his own caseload he works under a consultant. On call is on a rota and the on call surgical registrar would be bleeped to go to any complications unless he's prepped the nurses before hand which would be odd on a weekend anyway. I mean it makes him sound caring and all but also mega important doesn't it?

I dont know that is the thing.

the first time he vanished after spending a weekend with me at his instigation, I was disappointed and didnt get it but then thought oh well.

Only for him to come back and start asking me out again. I saw him again and I really wasnt bothered after his I'm not looking for anything serious but I really like and we should meet again and I'm not dating anymore speech.

Clearly not as he's only lasted 6 months in a relationship before and now wonder.

I just wanted to meet up occasionally or just talk sometimes. New friend or something. We laughed alot together.

I'm not waiting to hear from him per se. Just having a low point and wonder why they fuck around like this.