Surely I can decide my own bedtime?!

[OliveOrTwist]

Last night, my OH announces that he is going to bed at 10pm. I say goodnight, and I'll be up later. 10pm is too early for me.

5 minutes later I hear 'OLIVEEEEEEEEE bathrooms free'. I ignore him. I don't need the bathroom so why do I care?

A couple of minutes later 'OLIVE ITS BED TIME COME ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING'
Me: 'I'm not tired yet. I'll be up in a bit'
He is quite clearly getting irate about this and has started name calling so I go up to keep him quiet, I think I'll read my kindle in bed.

When I get into bed I apparently took far too long coming upstairs, and I've ruined his early night He then moans at me for using my phone to set the alarm. I didn't even bother using my kindle after that.

So do you think I AIBU? I always assumed that people went to bed when they were ready but perhaps couples do coincide bedtimes and I am being a dick about this? I need your wisdom MN!

There needs to be more information to make anything other than generalized wild guesses. It could be a sign of controlling tendencies - I've seen exactly this in one couple I knew. He pretty much dictated bed time and went in a huff if she didn't comply. He also insisted they were pretty much joined at the hip in most other aspects of their lives. Rarely went out socializing separately, she had limited opportunity to engage with non-mutual friends, he was always there when she visited her family, that sort of thing. He probably thought he was just being attentive when in fact he was being suffocating and controlling. Does this ring any bells OP?
Alternatively, it could be that he was in the mood for a bit of romance. If that's the case he needs to realise that his approach is immature. His partner knows he's going to bed, she also knows that romantic things can happen in bed, if she was in the mood for romance she would have joined him. If she wasn't in the mood that's her free will. He could have tried being romantic to encourage her into the mood, but again her free will will be the deciding factor. Ordering someone to bed is about as romantic as "brace yourself, I'm coming in!"

He called you names? Seriously? He sounds like a knob.

I go to bed around quite early, watch Netflix/read a book for a bit and then go to sleep between 10 and 11pm. DH comes through between 12 and 1am because he is a freak only seems to need a small amount of sleep. I can't imagine telling him to drop whatever he was doing because it's "bedtime"!

Separate rooms.

Bliss.

OH and I have different needs for sleep and sleep habits.

Lovely to have my own space and peace to sleep when I want.

I find people who share a bedtime without a specified reason nookie very strange.

Maybe he's been reading the woo thread on here and was too scared to be upstairs on his own

Wow how old is he, 3! What a dick. Mabey he wanted some sex who knows.

My partner's previous girlfriend insisted that if one went to bed they both had to go. It was ok for one to be sleeping whilst the other one read a book watched TV.

Mind you she also had the cushions all carefully arranged in a precise manner

Do you wake him up when you go to bed after him?

'He is quite clearly getting irate about this and has started name calling so I go up to keep him quiet, I think I'll read my kindle in bed.'

I seriously hope you don't have kids with this person, because what a prick!

Couldn't deal with someone who tried to control me like this. Or who called me names.

Perhaps she meant he kept calling her name.

True, but either way, it's 3-year-old behaviour from an adult.

PikaPikaPikachu

PikaPikaPikachu hungry, try a sandwich lol

he wants you on a leash so you have to follow where ever he goes

I would insist on separate bedrooms in order to firmly establish my personal boundaries

it depends do you spend a lot of time complaining that you are tired and can't get up in the mornings?
as my OH does so i send him to bed.

Actually drooling! Yes please with chocolate spread on

'yes of course you decide your own bedtime.

And you need to tell him exactly that. He doesn't get to order you to go to bed. That's not how two adults in a relationship interact.'

This.

My DH has NEVER assumed that just because he's tired and wants to go to bed, I should fall in with the plans. Nor vice versa - because we are both grown ups and can decide for ourselves. I can't even imagine him saying 'it's bedtime, what are you doing?' unless it was to one of the children when they were school-age. We both stay up quite late anyway.
I like to potter quietly in the kitchen and listen to the radio last thing, and he does his own pre-bedtime pottering as well. I wander up to bed when I'm tired and so does he - it varies which of us goes first.
Being chivvied up to go to bed would seriously get on my nerves!

PikaPikaPikachu

My husband goes to bed at about 12.30 am whereas I rarely go before 3 am. He's never complained and why would he? He has the bed to himself and can get to sleep in peace whereas I suffer from insomnia and have lots of aches and pains which make it difficult for me to stay completely still when I go to bed however hard I try (we haven't got the room for separate beds, which would be the ideal solution).

how long have you been together?

When I saw the thread title I assumed it was going to have been written by a 15/16 year old

Very strange!

Is this the first time it happened?

so are you making a noise, putting lightson etc when you come to bed and waking him up?