Surely I can decide my own bedtime?!

[OliveOrTwist]

Last night, my OH announces that he is going to bed at 10pm. I say goodnight, and I'll be up later. 10pm is too early for me.

5 minutes later I hear 'OLIVEEEEEEEEE bathrooms free'. I ignore him. I don't need the bathroom so why do I care?

A couple of minutes later 'OLIVE ITS BED TIME COME ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING'
Me: 'I'm not tired yet. I'll be up in a bit'
He is quite clearly getting irate about this and has started name calling so I go up to keep him quiet, I think I'll read my kindle in bed.

When I get into bed I apparently took far too long coming upstairs, and I've ruined his early night He then moans at me for using my phone to set the alarm. I didn't even bother using my kindle after that.

So do you think I AIBU? I always assumed that people went to bed when they were ready but perhaps couples do coincide bedtimes and I am being a dick about this? I need your wisdom MN!

We used to go to bed at the same time and now we never ever do - DH always goes first, precisely at 10. He generally comments that I shouldn't stay up too late as I'll be tired; I may or may not call him an old git at these times

Never name-calling though. Who does he think he is?

If I'm not ready to go to bed at the same time I sleep in the spare room, otherwise I'd wake him up when I went to bed. No one likes to be woken up.
Usually we go to bed at the same time but I need less sleep so I quietly get up an hour or so before him.
My DH claims he takes ages to get to sleep without me being there.....so he's usually a bit pissed off if I don't go to bed with him. His problem, not mine.

TheMaddHugger now if he was waiting upstairs calling my name I wouldn't be hesitating!

I hate it that Hubby stays up so bloody late as there is never a good reason for it - usually telly - but recorded. He will come up around 1, when I have generally just entered sleep zone and he invariably kicks the bed bashes the pillow and yanks the duvet open waking me sufficiently to swear at him and turn over and remember it. I think 11 is fair enough for bedtime. I have to be up at 1/4 to 7 to ensure child is up and ready he then bloody lies in and gets grumpy with me for waking him up etc. So I just send the dog up to lep all over him and laugh myself silly downstairs

Sound's like he was expecting a little more than a bit of shut eye.

And name calling and moaning is sooooooo sexy!

Yanbu.

Not unless there's a massive backstory. For example my aunt got divorced because her dh just never went to bed with her, he would stay up all night probably watching porn and it ruined their marriage.

I like dh to drag me to bed because he snores loudly, if I stayed up later I'd never get to sleep. I will go before him but if I go up after he's snoring loudly.

We tend to go to bed at the same time, but that's just a pattern we fell into. I haven't had a set bedtime since I was 14! What bizzare behaviour

Ugh I would find him suffocating.

Wow I could have written this post. Exact same thing happened in our house last night which resulted in a blazing row until gone midnight

Is your partner controlling in other ways? Mine is and I'm currently in the process of organising my finances so I can leave.
Please don't put up with things like this, it is a slippery slope trust me.

He called you names?

And you gave in to pacify him after that?

Red flag red flag red flag.

What a princess he is.

I think by name calling the OP just means calling for her by name? Not insulting her?

I'm on the fence here. I think it's absolutely fine to go up separately sometimes, but I also think it's nice to make the effort to go up together most of the time.

Your DH was behaving v childishly though.

OLIVE ITS BED TIME COME ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING

He actually said that?

I think you are YABU if you do this everyday. My DH had a habit of staying up til 12am which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't need to be up by 4 and wasn't a light sleeper. Him using the bathroom, pottering around the room, setting his alarm etc really annoyed me. It was eventually resolved after marital counselling because things got so bad I wanted to divorce him.

It depends on the reason he wants you to go to bed. Dh does this to me. He decides to go to bed at 9.30 or 10 and 'encourages' me to go too.

It majorly pisses me off when i'm trying to relax downstairs and he's trying to force me to bed at a time too early for me.

However, with my reasonable head on, I know why he does it. It's because I have form for getting into my book, or mn or a film on TV and then not going to bed until 2am and being a grumpy fucker in the morning. I'm only completely human after 7 hours sleep and he knows that as well as I do. In reality, he's being a grown up about bed time and i'm being the moody teenager whining that i'm not ready, even though I know i'll suffer for it in the morning.

So he's lying in bed shouting and being "irate and name calling" and YOU WENT UP?!

He started swearing at you for not coming to bed? I'd ltb. What else does he do op? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.

. If I go upstairs whilst he is in the shower and get ready for bed then get out a book he will TURN THE LIFHT OFF WHIKST I AM STILL READING as its bedtime and he needs to get up early!

Well yes you are selfish here

If he wants to go to sleep, you can go downstairs and read your book. Bedrooms are for sleeping in.

Why did you go to bed. There would have been many fuck offs from me

Yanbu but perhaps he was trying to get some before he went to sleep.

Yanbu, but....I often go to bed earlier than DH and used to find it difficult when he comes in, faffs about, gets changed because it wakes me up. I am a terrible sleeper and once I'm woken I find it very hard to get back to sleep. This however, was at the beginning of our relationship. Many years later, he knows this about me therefore if he plans on going to bed really late he showers in the other bathroom (far from our bedroom!) changes in there and then just slips into bed. If he wants to read or something then he has to stay up to do that or it'll wake me. Is it possible your DH finds it hard to sleep if you come in an hour later? If so can you get ready for bed somewhere else and just creep in? Sounds sensitive I know, but for me sleep is a very serious issue and anything undisturbed is a bonus.

We always go to bed together, but calling an adult to bed is stupid. I would have stayed up just to make a point and ignored him.

What names did he call you for daring to want to stay up later than he decided?