Fiancé didn't come home last night

[Jemima1985]

My finance went it last night, I dropped him at the pub and 2am he text me saying he was at his mates house and he'll be home soon! He is still not home (it's nearly 10pm) now next night and I'm worried sick. His mum said she saw him with 3 lads at 11.30am and he ran past her house so she thinks he is probably asleep at a mates house sleeping off a hangover. I can't help but worry myself sick and think the worst

We can agree to disagree

How did get in his the house OP whilst you were at work as you locked it all up? Has he got a key you weren't aware of?

I meant no offence in comments about your fiancé I just feel so frustrated when someone is treated so badly by someone who claims to love them.

I agree sleep is in order - you can't think straight with barely any sleep.

Whatever you decide - make no mistake it's your choice - just bare in mind what he has done and is cape able of repeating.

Nina scathing and offensive are your words not mine.

I don't mean to add to the pile on but your posts read like a mother worrying about her unruly child.

This does not seem like an equal relationship in any way.

I think he's too young for you in more ways than one.

Maybe one day when he's older, he won't be such an absolute prick. Maybe he'll always be one.

I don't know why anyone would want to take that risk.

Like I said hee just report if it bothers you. You don't need to derail a thread about it

Just read all of this omg. Get the hell out of this relationship. He WILL do this again. Throw him out and don't look back. Another 9 years you will be 40 and will still be in the same position.

Thanks to posters for the
You are very kind xxx

I agree with you and others OP, have some food, a bath and an early night.

I'm willing to bet serious money he's been on cocaine, as well as the rest. You don't go on 48-hour mind melting benders on weed and beer. Get out while you still can - good luck xx

Get this waste of space out of your life, as soon as you feel able. For you deserve to be treated equally and with kindness, consideration and respect. Without those things there simply cannot be love. You will likely meet someone else, more suited to a happy and settled life, in due course. And until then (or if not) it is far better to travel alone than to be poorly accompanied. It is hard, and it will hurt to end it, but you can do it. There may be doubt, angst, second guessing. You cannot go over it, under it, round it, you have to go through the hurt, the regret, the mourning. And it will be worth it. For a life free from this unnecessary angst and worry, which you will have every time he heads out for an evening with pals. For your self respect and peace of mind. When you are ready, pick yourself up and move on, free from this immature liability. You can do it!

Reading this brings back awful memories for me. The distress of each time my ex went out with his friends, wondering if he would come home.

I know (now) that it was that he preferred times with them instead of the boring girlfriend. I wasn't the same as him and his mates, we were not suited at all. At the time I refused to believe it, and thought we were "meant to be together"

I wouldn't have listened to advice either - but I wish I did!

I understand that some posters might disagree with my decisions but I haven't made any yet and I'm getting slated!

It really doesn't take a genius to already know what your decision will be.

Being selfish and inconsiderate on 1 occasion (judging from what OP said) doesn't make your DP a bad, or horrible person. You know him better than anyone here who's saying "This is just like my ex." etc. You know the good and the bad in your relationship (and to be fair, no marriage is perfect), so just think about your long term happiness, whatever that may be for you.

What I will say OP, is that is you really want to go ahead and marry this man and try to make an even half happy life with him, then you have to learn that it can never be on your terms or even equal terms. It will always be on his.
If you can accept that you won't change him and you think you can learn to stomach a lifetime of what you've just experienced, then go ahead by all means. But you need to be prepared for certain things:

He will expect you to be there for him when he needs it, but not the other way around.

He will need you to always be strong, supportive and dependable and responsible while he is allowed, in fact needs to be the opposite of all of those things.

He will demand the freedom to go where he wants, when he wants with whom he wants, but you will not be allowed those freedoms and will be made to feel guilty for if you take more than a few hours for yourself or do anything that inconveniences him in any way.

All the tough parts of child rearing will be left to you. Don't expect help. Or emotional support when it's tough.

He will continue to expect that you run around after him and mother him, while he can continue to have all the responsibility of a 14 year old and none of the sense.

He will feel an absolute entitlement to spend too much of his money on booze and drugs 'because he works hard' and you must not challenge that, even if you can't pay the gas bill.

If he wants to go out, and stay out, and fall over in someone's garden for the night (or someone's bed for that matter) you will need to learn to sleep through it, take the view that he's a big boy who can look after himself and what you can't see won't hurt you.

You need to lean that sending him endless texts and going into fits of panic and worry about where he is will achieve nothing at all except to heap stress and anxiety onto you and to irritate him and make him believe that you are a boring, controlling g nag and the killer of all his fun.

If you are that desperate to be this man's wife, then in order to not go out of your mind with misery and stress these are the compromises you will have to make. Can you do it? Do you want to?

SausagesAndMashed

The first line of her second post says that he has done it before. It's just that he came home sooner on the previous occasions.

He has done this before and I have been so angry and told him I cannot put up with it. The other times he has surfaced in the afternoon but it's dark and late now!

This is not a man who is ready for marriage and responsibility at the moment.

People are suggesting that he is like their ex and are predicting his future behaviour based on his past. And no, the plural of anecdote isn't data and all that, but it can be a useful predictor when someone is behaving disrespectfully.

And no, no one and no relationship is perfect, but there's perfect and then there's this. He has treated her appallingly.

Wonders if this 'fiancé' has returned home yet....

oh apprently he did but op just slipped it into the convresation casually like nothing had happened

What's that meant to mean Gabs ?

Why the snarkey tones?

It's not obligatory for an op to jump to follow advice within 10 minutes of it being given.

How are you today Jemima ?

becaue she neglected to even say he was back and what was said just said hes asleep

after all the worrying posts of where is he she just seems glad its over and fobbing off what hes done

Wow, Can everyone just give the OP a break!! She sees it, but with the best will in the world, this is not our decision to make.
You have all planted the seeds.
Trees do not grow overnight.
Let her make her decisions in her own time..
No one likes to be bullied on the Internet and this is what you are now doing.

Stay strong OP.

I think it's frustration. Seems every single other thread on here lately is people complaining about their man being lazy, childish,tight, irresponsible, selfish, controlling etc. I wonder if for some, it's preferable to being single.

Personally, I like being single.