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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He hasn't come home

999 replies

NoCapes · 11/09/2016 07:27

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 16:59

6 he's already tried the "I've nowhere to go you can't kick me out on the streets" card
I said pretty much word for word what you said
His mum has a 4 bedroom house and only one child at home Hmm on the streets my arse!

OP posts:
Mix56 · 11/09/2016 17:00

X post

AndieNZ · 11/09/2016 17:01

Rooting for you nocapes.

PLEASE do not back down! Stick to your guns and get rid of him!

MessyBun247 · 11/09/2016 17:02

Go NoCapes!!! The shit is about to hit the fan for him. Dont let him guilt trip you. He does not give a fuck about you or the kids, his actions prove that. You are doing the right thing, stay strong!

ayeokthen · 11/09/2016 17:02

I meant to get him out of the house, it didn't come across right at all.

ayeokthen · 11/09/2016 17:03

Nowhere to go? Not your problem. He had a home, he had a partner and he had the world at his feet. He chose to be so awful that you have no other choice, so it's his problem. Twat.

Mix56 · 11/09/2016 17:04

BTW, this emotional abuse goes in cycles.
He will now be sorry, cry, grovel, say he will change, offer holiday/flowers/ attention. It is the SCRIPT.
I would not fall for it for a second.
You can also tell him you are having STI check tomorrow, & whether its drugs/gambling/gaming/OW you don't give a Toss. You have finished with his sorry joke of a relationship

Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 17:05

We're now communicating through text, seriously how old does he think he is?! Hmm

Now he loves me and he's sorry and "please let's talk tonight when the kids are in bed, surely after 8 years I deserve a chance" Hmm
My reply - "I've nothing more to say, you've had 8 years of second chances and blown them all. It's over. I want you to leave"

...he's still not moved! Argh!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 17:05

Ha x post Mix

OP posts:
PushingThru · 11/09/2016 17:06

Is he texting you this from bed?

Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 17:07

aye don't worry I got what you meant, I laughed Smile

OP posts:
Mix56 · 11/09/2016 17:07

is he mute? do not reply by text. he is not a 16 year old
"It is over," should just about sum it up.

Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 17:08

He is Pushing
He's in bed I'm in the playroom downstairs and we're texting - wtf is my life?!

OP posts:
ayeokthen · 11/09/2016 17:08

I bet he's shitting himself. The phrase "you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it" seems very appropriate in the circumstances! Well done OP, it can't have been easy for you.

ayeokthen · 11/09/2016 17:08

Haha, glad I put it right.

Shayelle · 11/09/2016 17:15

He needs to go!!!!!!

Original poster
NoCapes · 11/09/2016 17:16

I just asked the kids if they want McDonalds for tea, this is how the conversation went after they'd (obviously) said yes -
Me - ok I'll just feed DS2 his tea and then we'll nip out and get it
DS1 - can't Dad get it instead?
Me - well you can ask him but it doesn't look like he's getting out of bed today
DS1 - he's still in bed!?!

They had no idea where he was and hadn't even asked me all day
That's how used to him not being around they are
How fucking sad is that?!

OP posts:
AlfrescoBalconyWanker · 11/09/2016 17:19

Surely he can just bugger off to wherever he spent last night?

EllenRipley · 11/09/2016 17:24

NoCapes I can tell you have fire in your belly, stay strong and resolute because you most definitely have a future without him. The details and the difficulties can and will be worked out... The financial issues can be terrifying but at the very least he's still got three kids to support so he's going to have manage his finances. People do this, get through this and come out the other side ALOT happier and intact. I'm so sorry for your loss. Telling him to leave is the start of a new chapter, best of luck to you X

Funko · 11/09/2016 17:24

Nocapes... I can already tell by your change in tone on messaging you are finding your fire! Well done. Stick at it.

I will warn you though the fire will wane and you may waver. Don't be tempted. You are 1 million percent doing the right thing. Do everything that he wouldn't expect you to right now.

He will use everything he has in his arsenal to try and bring you back into line and fall for one of his usual tricks to make you make up with him. It will be tears next. Mark my words.

X

pontificationcentral · 11/09/2016 17:26

'I'm taking the kids out for an hour. I expect you to be gone when I get back. My legal team will contact you later this week. I have nothing more to say to you.'

CalmItKermitt · 11/09/2016 17:26

Omg seriously chuck water over him!!! Get him out!!!

Mix56 · 11/09/2016 17:31

I would say: the lease is in my name, I am entitled to lock changes & it will be done as soon as I call MY relation tomorrow. There is no point in you delaying. Also there is no grarantee that no one will nick the bin bags that will be on the doorstep.

flowerbombVR · 11/09/2016 17:31

Well done. You are on your way to happiness. Please don't turn back x
Wishing you all the strength to do this x

FlumptyDumpty · 11/09/2016 17:32

Just read the full thread, and have punched the air when you told him to get out!

You will not regret leaving this colossal waste of oxygen. Go NoCapes!