He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

I had a listen and I think it might be better off in a "when you just need to cry it out" type playlist which actually I was considering making at some point...

It sounds like he hasn't grown up and sleeping with someone else.
He doesn't respect you and he neglects you. You shouldn't even feel this way.

Can you try and find a good job, and gradually work on building up your financial situation. Do this for the next several months until you're ready to dump him.

Layer cake, she threw him out several days ago, u need to read the thread

Wow, go girl!!!!! You're being amazing! Stay strong

NoCapes, oops please disregard my message. I read your post on page 1 and accidentally skipped to the last page, not realising there has been some fantastic updates and progress on your part since your first post.
It's great to hear that you're moving on and doing great. It's tough but soon you will look back and not regret having to make this tough decision. I'm a single mum and have raised my children for the past 10 years on my own. I've worked very hard to raise my children with very little help from my exP. I've never claimed any benefits but I'm lucky to have a good career. Having said that, there are days when I feel so defeated, but my children keep me going . All the very best to you xx

Yes, I've just caught up with the posts. So glad she kicked him out. He sounds awful!!

Ooh that play list is epic! Hope your day has gone well capes and the baby is better now.

Capes. He will be in contact soon. be ready. it's the w/e
Give no rapid responses, (golden rule, think, breath, reply)
By email/text. Never reply instantly, ditto , you can leave it hours/days...
who gives a fuck, he can wait.
He will start by demanding access to children. be reasonable, even a judge will give him access. But he CANNOT just have one. (this is for the kids, not for him, they cannot be given unequal access, except for baby at this stage as the baby won't know)
Get his offered access in writing (text/email) determine the times to be picked up & returned & WRITE IT ALL DOWN "& confirm by text...
You agreed to return 2 children at 6pm. they were returned at 8pm.... etc.
This is all to have a legal record of any fuckwittery.
He does not get to come into the house, he can collect for the doorstep.
If he fails on times, there are consequences.

also, if he wants to "talk", do it in a park........ you can walk away. & he won't be in your house refusing to leave.
Believe me.

He will miss you, but tough shit, he clearly doesn't come close to deserving you

Good point, but I don't agree that he misses you. Don't take this the wrong way, Edna, because you're brilliant and anybody sane would love to have you around.

But I don't think he misses you. YOU. He might miss his cushty hotel home, complete with catering and laundry service and hot & cold running children, and his status as a "family man". But you, the person who is wonderful and brilliant and totally worthy of love, he doesn't even see you, let alone have a space in his heart that will be empty for his loss of you.

Downloaded 'now that's what i call twunts 1'
Thanks -skyy

13 followers already 😄

Hope you are doing ok today nocapes

Mix I think you are a little bit psychic, every time you say something is going to happen, it does!
He's texting me. Big lonnnng messages
My mums got all 3 kids and I'm alone and pretty much sitting on my hands to not reply

Salvage I agree, I don't think he misses me atall
That's hard to take tbh but I know you're right

On the plus side the baby is pretty much back to normal except for the inhuman amount of snot he's producing

Can you block his number for a bit?
It means any bulkshit messages can't be retrieved but you have then got control.
Knowing you will not be hearing from him.

Or you could set up the email and tell him to send anything concerning the children to that.

Occupy those hands with MNing and have a dance about :)

Alone time. Right then. Change xp's message tone so it something completely different so you know it's him and not someone else (I had to do that). Then ignore. I expect you want phone on incase mum needs you. That's ok.

Really deep hot bubbly bath. Glass of wine... Music blaring. When was the last time you got a bloody decent long uninterrupted bath with 3 kids around??

Then pyjamas, duvet and a chick flick!

I'm not much into chick flicks but both pitch perfects are the antidote to life in general. Or.... Actually I sometimes find a good weepy film helps me get out some pent up emotion and I always feel better after a good cry at a film.

Use tonight as the first Friday of ME time!

When was the last time you got a bloody decent long uninterrupted bath with 3 kids around??

Funko is a very wise woman indeed. Treat this Me Time as gold.

Funko ok I've changed his tone, put Dirty Dancing on and ordered a takeaway (my local sells mini bottles of wine so got 2 coming)
I'm not allowed a bath until I've stopped bleeding so that's out, I did paint the playroom though (no idea, I just felt the need to do something)

I know you'll all roll your eyes at this, but I don't want to block his number, I actually felt a little bit glad that he'd text me today
I felt like he's just walked away and gone 'ah well' and carried on with his life, so knowing that he was actually thinking about me did make me feel better
I know, it's so bloody sad isn't it 🙈

No, not sad. Just don't reply, OK? Can you promise us that?

I've found it useful to, instead of deleting a person's contact details, to change them to "Twuntface" or similar.

Do not drink wine and text him.
Even abuse.
How can we make sure you don't?

Haha I just thought maybe the wine isn't the best idea!
No I absolutely won't text him, pinky promise

Sit on those hands. DO NOT TEXT. I'm shouting but I know that you will keep your promise anyway.
Enjoy your takeaway and if you have wine, raise a glass to the confident new you and toast your awesomeness. You might also want to raise a glass and call him every name under the sun.

You can't break that pinky promise now

When you get a text, say whatever you need to say out loud, maybe directed at your phone like he's shrunk and is living in it just to get it out of your system... Then put it down, breathe, and carry on (only works when you don't have the kids/they're all asleep obv)

This is the first step of reeling you back in. He's giving you a little bit if the attention you've been craving for years. But really, how much effort does it take to shoot off a couple of texts. So yes, of course you are pleased he's texted. Even if he's out with whoever while he's doing it. Give us the gist of the texts and we'll pick them apart for you ;)