He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

The best comment is very often no comment.good stuff capes!

Its so good to hear you can already see the positive difference that having him no where near your family is making. That's just great and I am sure the children notice it too. Your plan for a night out sounds brilliant too.
When I got a chance to go on mn today my first thought was 'how is nocapes doing today?' So pleased for you you sound amazing!

Well done nocapes!
I know that feeling well... the calm, the organised, the feeling free and yes the better kept house! I've ended a long marriage that was absolutely sucking the life of me (no abuse or bad behaviour as such) and had a 2 year relationship that was at best marred by awful behaviour due to his mental health issues and at worst emotionally abusive. And both times... You know it's the absolute end when you do feel the nothing. When you realise the pointlessness of continuing and form of conversation. And actually after everything you've been through, it's a good thing. It's acceptance and also moving on. It's a good place to be

Yes, I know that feeling, No pressure.
No pressure to hurry for his Lordship, Things get done when they are done.
No extra demands, No extra complications.
Cuts the stress by half

Ive just sat and read every single comment and even cried at a few. You should be so proud of yourself. You and your dc will be so much happier without 'that' around.

Stay strong and enjoy the time with your precious dc that you'll never get back.

The only response to that is 'boo hoo - get the man a tissue'.

Well done Capes. You are doing amazingly.

flower well done you! And Nocapes it took me 2 solid hours to read the thread but my gosh was it worth it!

Been reading all along but had nothing useful to add to the fantastic advice and support you've been getting, I'm another one who thinks you rock though. You not replying to his message today is telling I think, mentally and emotionally you've moved on (even if there is still practical stuff to sort) and that will make this process so much easier on you. My hat is well and truly off to you nocapes, your DC are very lucky to have such a strong and inspirational mum

Capes your update put a massive smile on my face. You rock!

Very very well done.

The other thing is you're not distracted by waiting for the other shoe to drop. That constant thought at the back of your head - no matter what else you're doing. Is he going out?Is he coming back tonight? Id he going to get ratty or demanding? Is he going to say something to upset me/the DC? Is he going to let me down again?

You're getting your own headspace back.

Oh - and I've just noticed the timeline. On Monday you finally got him to leave by sending his stuff round to his mums. So not of his own volition. Asked him to leave you be for a few days. On Wednesday he contacts you. 48 hours is all the time he's willing to give you. So he's totally listened to you on that one.

And even then its about how he is feeling, not you. Not 'I'm sorry about all this -are you ok?' or 'How are the kids?' Just a 'poor me'

Your reaction is totally normal, and very emotionally healthy. Keep it up - you have an amazing life ahead of you :)

Loving coming to see your updates Capes. You're awesome. Clearly this is exactly what you were ready for and you're a shining example to anyone who needs to get out of their relationship. I'm so happy that your house feels happier.
He deserves no reply X just like you deserve all of these hundreds of replies cos you're fricking fantabulous. Xx

^^ Feck speaks wisely.

Apart from that, what a brilliant update, Edna!!! We're always saying things will be better in time, etc, but you've hit the "better" pretty swiftly!

And when you explained your working-through for not replying. I kinda fell in love with you a bit.

Now, here's the important thing: You're still probably going to hit a trough, maybe in the next week or so. So just let it roll over you and remember how brilliantly you're doing.

OK Capes.
Benefits day.
When the kids are sorted, & baby is asleep, get on the phone,
Start by, making a list.
Call the first on the list? CAB ? paper & pen at the ready,take notes.......They will tell you who & what needs calling & how important it is to mark the start date.
Make it happen, make it positive

Morning Capes I've not been on for a couple of days but I've read your updates and I am in awe of you. I'm sorry the wee one has been poorly, hopefully he's on the mend now. Your mum sounds amazing, I'm so glad you have RL support as well as us. Well done blanking his text too, that can't have been easy. The difference in the house is something I remember well, it became more peaceful and my sanctuary once XH had fucked off. You are literally amazing, the hardest part is over now, you have done it!!!!

Morning Capes
Glad the baby is on the mend. As a PP said above, all hoofwanking stumblecunt has done is cry about how he misses you. No worry about how you're coping. Not a mention of his poorly baby. Zip. He's lost his comfy existence & he's devastated....for himself.
Keep on keeping on, you're totes amazing 👊

Oh I didn't even think of that! You're right, it's always about him isn't it?!
Clearly dot miss us that much if you don't even care to ask how we are what a Berk!! ()

Mix I'm on it, I have a list, made up mostly of the fab advice from this thread
First up is ringing the bank and getting a new debit card sent out

Its amazing the impact on a household when one obnoxious person leaves. Even though he wasn't there so much of the time, his disruptive, unsupportive, unsettling presence and mess is felt by all.

Remove the person and - viola! - the whole place quickly finds a new groove and this one is much much more happy and supportive and calm for your family.

you did this Cape!!!

Morning capes
Glad the baby is getting better :)
Good work on making a list and starting on it. He'll probably be more concerned about access to the bank account than access to the dc so be prepared for some reaction.
Hope the sun is shining on you today!

You go gurl ;)
Well done for everything you have already achieved , uve come so far in a short time, it's amazing, there's women all over the world who wish they were as brave as you x

wow, what a fantastic thread, I'm so pleased for you Internet Stranger!

u don't have to suffer 'cause of this jerk

Well done. You need to make a fuck you playlist to blast out :).

Mcalmont and Butler Yes is a good one to start with.

May I add whose sorry now by Connie Francis to the playlist. It's an oldie I know but quite appropriate.