He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Glad you had a good night and that baby is on the mend. Your mum is amazing.
Just for info - it's ALWAYS acceptable to eat cake be it morning, noon or even middle of the night Same goes for chocolate.

Have a good day you are truly inspirational - your kids are very lucky to have such an amazing warrior mum like you .

Re benefits - also contact your water company as there is a scheme for low income families where your water bill is capped at a certain amount (mine is capped at £370 for the year I think), anything over that amount is paid on your behalf by a govt funded scheme.

Think it's called 'watersure' or something.

NoCapes, I've just read your full thread. Another poster who just wanted to say I'm so incredibly proud of you! Reading through is like seeing the scales fall from your eyes. He's done nothing different but you've changed so you're not falling for his crap any more. Amazing that once you know and recognise 'the script', you're no longer manipulated by the words. Stay strong now. You've done the hardest part kicking him out, keep it that way! Your home probably doesn't feel that different because he was there so little anyway. I'm so glad you have such a supportive Mum.

You said a while back the posts help even if they're just words on a screen. We're not though - we're real people, some of whom have been through what you're going through now and know what it like on the other side. Keep going!

Glad some sleep was had and that the little Capelett is on the mend.
Another tricky situation where at one point you felt a bit desperate in trying to cope but which you have come through brilliantly. You so have this lady.

Dear OP

I just wanted to say that I think you are marvellous.

As the daughter of a man who did the staying out all night constantly, I commend your bravery.

My dad told me. He made me the bearer of his secrets and left me with the worst dilemma. I am irreparably damaged by his actions. Do I break my mother's heart if she truly doesn't know or do I shame this beautiful, dignified woman's life by admitting I know what she endured and sacrificed in order to give us a family? She deserves so much better. And he is still bloody doing it. I have no respect left for him. And I hate myself for loving him. Because he is my bloody dad and was my hero.

I am old and broken.

You have chosen to save your children from that legacy.

As I said. You are marvellous.

Congratulations nocapes - the rest of your life awaits!! Just to reiterate above advice especially around the bank a/c. Make sure it can't be emptied by him - my exh did exactly that. I hope LO is better soon xx

Mama capes sounds lovely

Def don't call ex dp

Well done for cancelling things not needed

Def start the claim for benifits as takes a while

Inform council tax as will now get 25% off for single person

Hope baby capes feel better

And you enjoyed with school mum

Capes, I've just been catching up on this thread and high five to you! You go girl! Proof that women are the stronger sex - as if we didn't know.

Hope your baby is well again soon.

I hope you were able to "unload to your rl friend, in-between gorging with cake !
I wondering if your MIL had bothered calling? (You said you didn't speak to her.) Although I doubt she has been given a truthful account of just WHY his stuff is back at hers.
Hoping that bubba is improving.
Go mama & "Watch me fly" capes !

Thanks for the well wishes, I've had a good day today, spoke to my friend who was so lovely and was offering all sorts of help and advice - and she absolutely insisted I have to go out with them when my mum next has the kids for a sleepover

ExP text me today saying he misses us all and a crying face
Now every other time this would've got me and I'd have probably said "I miss you too but..." And got into a conversation about it, mostly just because I wanted to talk to him and I'd not want him to think I just don't love him
This time I said ... Nothing!
I considered doing a 'you should've thought of that' type message but when I really thought about it I just thought - why? What do I really want out of the conversation? And in the end i just thought, nothing, there is nothing that I want him to say. And there's nothing I can say that I haven't said before
So I just said nothing

I realised today how much nicer the house is beginning to feel
It's cleaner & tidier, it just feels lighter and brighter, there's no shouting - literally no-one has raised their voice in 2 days, things are running smoother - getting ready for school is somehow easier, the whole bath time/bedtime routine used to be so so stressful but today it just really wasn't
Everything just feels calm

I actually really think I can do this

GoCapes!

Glad you have had a good day and that you are starting to believe in yourself.

The house is calmer because you are calmer and less stressed and the kids are picking up on that - And it's only going to get better when you've done the admin and general sorting out.

I actually really think you can do this too

You ARE doing it

Good for you! I absolutely understand exactly what you have said about having no reply. You suddenly realise there is no point in going through the cycle again. So glad you have had a good day.

You can so do this!

Of course the atmosphere is less stressed and calm, I remember sensing that when ex left, like a gloomy toxic cloud had disappeared.

You have given hope and strength to so many OP.

How's baby?

I have been following your posts and I am in awe! So brave, I wish I had half of your strength. Good luck for a happy future for you and your kiddi winks

Brilliant!

Ahh capes that's fantastic to read! You'll get a nice little routine without worrying about someone who only messes it up. You absolutely can do this!

Baby is much better thanks Cary he's actually gone down to bed tonight so a definite improvement even if I've already had to settle him twice

I don't even know you, but I am so ridiculously proud of you!!!

I don't even know you, but I am so ridiculously proud of you!!!

Glad he's feeling better, hope you have a good night's sleep too! x

go girl!

he needs no comment coz thats what hes worth

you sound so happy and positive keep going!

You are doing this.
You can do this
You will do this

You flipping rock!!

Whoop whoop

As you are in rented apply for housing benefit too