He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

You may be able to do the council tax online which might be easier than speaking to someone :)

Anyone remember Geoff Capes - the world's strongest man?

Here we have NoCapes, the world's strongest woman

So glad to see you've moved forward with this, Capes. for you, I wish you all the best in your new future. So much good advice on this thread, I can't really add anything, but didn't want to read and run!

Did you tell your relation/landlord that he is out ? think about getting at least a chain on the door. Make sure the doors are locked.
He will start a counter attack soon "it's my right to see my children", as he realises that he really is out on his arse. You need to decide what you are going to say so that you have an answer prepared .
Baby is ill, so he won't want DC3 immediately. However I think you should insist that he takes all his 3 kids together, (after all you manage to care for them alone :o) ultimately this means he will need bottles/nappies/buggy/clothes etc

which he will have to provide clearly

You might feel at times you are backwards instead of forwards...but even if it's only an inch at a time you will be going in the right direction.

My exh was actually a watered down version of your ex but he gave me the gift of freedom after over 30 years when he finally waltzed out of my life with the ow

It was scary. I was worried about money . Had no little ones but I sorted out all my bills. Became far more economical. He was very wasteful and did just fine.

No more unpleasant jibes. No more uncertainty. Just peace and freedom.

That was a horrible, horrible thing he did to you not going to the hospital . Believe me nothing will be as bad as that again.

I hope his mother doesn't make him too comfortable.

If my son did that he wouldn't get his foot in my door.

Onwards and upwards.

This is the order I did the befits thing and it turned out quite well

• messaged child benefit to get payments changed to weekly

• phoned up and cancelled joint tax credits claim, then started a new single claim

• went to council and applied for housing and council tax benefit

• rang to claim for Income Support who forwarded my details to CMS

• had phone call from CMS and arranged a home visit to sort out what they would/could do

Also try the entitledto site (can't link because I'm on mobile) to see everything you can claim for and how much you'll be getting

If you have any more questions/need advice then contact the CAB

You're doing great

Befits = benefits

In the interest in keeping things as smooth and hassle free between you and your ex. It might be a good idea to dig out all paper work related to him (and his bills, especially those you've cancelled the dds for) bundle it up and drop at his parents. He may start racking up non payment charges and that will just be used against you.. Especially where paying for the kids is concerned. It's not feeling sorry for him it's buying you as much 'goodwill' as is sensible to keep the peace and ensure he doesn't harass you any more than he is likely to.

Still vvvvv impressed with all you've done so far 😀

Sorry meant to add, once he is aware things aren't being paid and you've given him the means to resolve it... I.e the paperwork... What he chooses to do then is entirely up to him and his fault if they remain unpaid

Wonder how long it will take him to stop his wages getting paid into your account, he sounds very incompetent tbh.

Thankyou for all the benefit advice, I really didn't know where to start so it really is very helpful

The baby is really poorly and I am really struggling, can't put him down for a second, can't even make him a bottle
I was this close to ringing exP just to hold him for half an hour (not that he probably would but I'm really close to the end of my tether) and my mum let herself in, in her jammies with her hair still wet from her shower and washed and made bottles, brought me a brew, fed the dog and let herself out again
I didn't even ask her to
Bless her

Now I'm sat here with a hysterical baby thinking of all the times I've actually asked him for help and he's said no, and yet someone else would go so far out of their way to help me and I'm getting really pissed off and want to tell him what a twat he is
But I won't
I'll tell you lot instead - what a massive fucking waste of organs that dickwad is

Love your mum Capes.
Hope baby is better soon x

You are so right, even if he was there he would be moaning that his dinner was late, moaning that the baby was screaming, moaning that he was tired & wanted to hear the TV........ or simply go out.
I am so sorry the baby is sick, I hope he has something that will pass by fast. (& the others don't get it)
Keep holding on. Once he goes to sleep, get to bed instantly to get as much rest as possible...

Oh no capes, hope baby is OK and settles for the night.

Op I've been following and I just wanted to say well done.

Poorly baby takes priority now, but it will pass soon I'm sure.

Don't let things overwhelm you, hold your temper where he is concerned - don't give him the satisfaction of contacting him. Let it all out on here if you need to vent.

Things will be up and down and stressful but please just take one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Keep going. You have been amazing. Don't let us down now!!

(Oh, and I really hope you and the baby have a good nights sleep tonight).

Your mum is a legend my ex was like yours, I remember so many occasions he let me down while off pissing about. He wouldn't come home for days and I once had no nappies left and no money, I begged him to please give me some cash or come home just to drop nappies off but in the end it was my beautiful best friend who came with a huge box full, bottle of white and a dominos....a true Angel although o was mortified. I'm 4 years single, from stay at home door mat to happy, own business and sleep well every night knowing no fucker is cheating on me it was so scary and shit at first but I see threads from women married for 30 years just seeing the light and I thank my lucky stars I left.

OP, you are an inspiration. Literally! I'm so sorry about your recent loss though - you're incredibly strong.

Mama Capes is a legend. It's brilliant she so supportive

It's east to see where you get your strength and awesomeness.

With examples of you and your mum, your kids are going to be just fine. As are you, for that matter.

Capes, you are an inspiration.

Oh Jesus. Bloody phone. it is easy to see where you get your strength and awesomeness from*

Dickwad. .
Definitely
You are better off with him elsewhere

Your mum is a ⭐️. I bet she is overjoyed you've kicked him out. I imagine she's spent the last few years biting her tongue. Hope your baby gets better soon.

Sending love and hope baba is better soon.
He would have been no use had he been there.
Yes it's hard when the kids are unwell, but don't kid yourself that he would have made it easier.
Because he really wouldn't have!!

Hope you get some kip tonight.

Capes, your mum is legend!!
Hope baby is right soon.
You're going great guns, eyes forward lass.