He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Go on tax credits website and apply now, so you don't get stuck financially. I'm not sure on other benefits, but think you could apply for income support, given dc3's age, or JSA?
Well done, your doing fab

Yes council tax benefit and take him off electoral role and all utility bills. The DWP are hot on checking names linked to your address when you claim as a LP, make sure nothing of his is registered at your address.

You also may be entitled to dla if your dc has a respiratory problem xx

I agree that you need to start the ball rolling on the benefits front. Maybe today could be find out how day. You've had a hell of a week and it's not surprising it all feels a bit difficult right now. If you get the GP and shopping done try and do something nice for you? I'm worried you'll run out of adrenaline and crash so taking it steady would be good.

Good idea by Giddy finding out day and then get the ball rolling later this week. You can have a look here (hope the clicky works www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/benefits-introduction/what-benefits-can-i-get/ to give you some idea if you can't face a trip to CAB yet.

You're doing amazing - hope baby is better soon

yes it will prob take awhile for money to come through anyway

an they can only backdate to when u start the process

Well done on holding firm! I'm sorry you were vomited on , but you would have been being vomited on anyway with no support from your ex dh anyway :) please do the benefit forms! Think of it as just saving yourself some time in a few weeks when you might hit an emotional low...

De-lurking to say well done Capes . I have just read the whole thread ( should be working oops!) and I am amazed and proud of what you have achieved over the last few days. Never before have I read such shocking stuff about what a person can to another - the bit about him leaving you to go alone to hospital to deliver is just awful - that is not the behaviour of any caring and loving person for your loss. You can do this - keep strong and keep checking in to get the fantastic advice and support you have had from pp.

Think of sorting benefits as supporting your decision and your children.
You've done so very well!

Ok point taken, I will definitely sort the benefits out this week

I've made plans for us to go to my mums for dinner tonight and I'm having coffee with the mum from school I mentioned tomorrow morning after the school run

I've also gone through the bank and cancelled all the direct debits for his car/gym/casino membership etc

I'm trying to be productive and keep busy but with some non scary stuff first

Plus I have a poorly baby who's been sleeping on me a lot today bless him

Ensure that CMS is one of your phone calls today, he may choose to pay voluntarily and be reliable but I'd get the ball rolling formally as again he will then know that you mean it.

Any begging/nasty messages about it's too much, can't afford it - just ignore - shock horror he may have to adjust HIS lifestyle for a change.

You're a doing an awesome job!
Keep going. I remember how daunting it all felt.

Oh, I haven't rtft but I can see your making steps to regain control of your life because he's already left the marriage...in his head!

You deserve much, much better and you know that.

Casino membership? Jeez....
You're doing a great job, keep going OP!

Is that out of a joint account or your account?

So glad you are making social plans!

It's my account dobby we don't have a joint one, just had all the money coming into and bills going out of mine

I'm not prone to emotional over reactions but dammit NoCapes I could scream, cry and squeeze you! Bloody well done, you fully deserve to be a verb!

Mumsnet legend in the making

Far out woman. I have nothing to add but praise, admiration and congratulations. I started reading this thread this morning and have been skim reading it all day. I did not expect you to actually go and reward yourself with kicking his loafing arse out of your house/life.

Cheering wildly for you!!

I'm a single mum of two and work full time. Anyone with your strength, humour and intelligence will thrive now you've got rid of the deadweight holding you back.

You've got this girl.

Ok, good job!

Did you cancel his bank card? If not then you need to protect both the money and your account. If he spent the money and kept in spending you could get hit with an overdraft and bank charges.
Presumably he still thinks you'll get over this nonsense and he'll have his feet back under the table in a week or two but when he gets refused access to the gym or casino he might twig. And then take revenge.

You're doing great.

I would send him a text just advising him that you have cancelled the Direct debit so he can make plans to pay them. The finance will have been taken out for the car at your address, so any letters you get you need to return to sender.
I would also I form council tax so you get the single person reduction.

Have a lovely dinner tonight and enjoy the coffee with your friend tomorrow. Hope your Ds feels better soon, he's lucky to have a mum like you

Yes definitely make moves to separate your finances. You don't want him spending "like a single man"

Skimmed the thread.

Be very proud. You are one amazing lady .
Well done

I haven't posted for a few days - I've just caught up.

You are doing brilliantly.

I'm sorry to hear about your sick little one. I hope he's better soon.