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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He hasn't come home

999 replies

NoCapes · 11/09/2016 07:27

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

OP posts:

Thread gallery

WhingyNinja · 13/09/2016 00:52

Go on love! You've done the right thing for you and your babies :)

Original poster

NoCapes · 13/09/2016 02:27

flowers well done!!
Hope you're ok, stay strong! And do not try to give me the credit for saving your babies - you did that! Be proud of yourself

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 13/09/2016 06:29

whenever I notice a strong woman taking no more shit I'll think "she's doing a capes" seriously, you deserve all the happiness a million times this!!!

myfriendnigel · 13/09/2016 06:40

'Doing a capes' should become an actual expression.brilliant!

isitseptemberyet · 13/09/2016 06:41

Hope you managed some sleep, today is a new day and u r going into it a new, stronger woman who dsnt take no shit ! I am cheering u on xx

Original poster

NoCapes · 13/09/2016 07:48

doing a Capes - Oh my gosh I would love to be a verb

Had a rough night with the baby, need to get him to a doctors today and the realisation that I haven't got a car for these things now is really pissing annoying!
But apart from that nothing feels any different so far, kids haven't even noticed he's not here, haven't mentioned him
The dog has though, she's up and down from the window looking for him every 2 minutes bless her

If I get chance today I'm going to go and put all my clothes into the draws and wardrobe, there was no room for my stuff before because he has sooooo many clothes, now I can actually put my stuff away

OP posts:

Iamdobby63 · 13/09/2016 08:04

I hope the baby is ok, is the doctors very far?

At least after the messages he appears to have done as asked and left, I was concerned you were going to have him refusing to leave and constantly going on at you. Given how he has behaved I don't think you even owe him a conversation to be honest.

Not sure what happens when people separate and there is one car, I take it you can walk the children to school?

Original poster

NoCapes · 13/09/2016 08:21

Yes both school and the doctors are in walking distance (well the doctors is slightly further than I'd like to walk but I'd better get used to it ey!) so it's fine, just annoying

I knew I wouldn't hear from him, he probably won't get in touch now because he'll be waiting for me to try to get in touch with him
So I've just got to make sure I don't this time!

OP posts:

Shakey15000 · 13/09/2016 08:30

Way to go Capes! So pleased to read this

tiredvommachine · 13/09/2016 08:31

KOKO Capes

WhatchaMaCalllit · 13/09/2016 08:31

Keep going Capes - you're doing brilliantly!!!!

Hope your baby starts to feel better soon.

skyyequake · 13/09/2016 08:35

Don't contact him about the children either, he'll use that to make you beg him to come see them (seeing as he seemingly hasn't given a crap about seeing them before)... Just leave it to him

Iamdobby63 · 13/09/2016 08:35

It's good those are in walking distance. When you need to shop could your Mum help out?

Perhaps he realises that he actually has no argument! You will have times that you wobble but when you do come on here, either talk to us or re read your threads.

You have done the right thing no-one would or should put up with this.

ilovelamp82 · 13/09/2016 08:54

Well done NoCapes. You're life and your children's lives are about to get so much happier everyday.

MrsJusticeCunt · 13/09/2016 08:58

Ah, you're such a star NoCapes
I'm definitely adding 'doing a Capes' to my lexicon

notapizzaeater · 13/09/2016 09:10

You're doing fantastic.

I'd start sorting benefits out today in case he stops the bank account

GabsAlot · 13/09/2016 09:13

morning nocapes

hope the baby is ok-can u do shopping online maybe?

myfriendnigel · 13/09/2016 09:18

Sorry the baby is poorly.Not what you need at the minute.
Good that the kids seem ok though.

Original poster

NoCapes · 13/09/2016 09:54

I'm sure my mum would help me out with shopping for a few weeks, I'm going to have to get a car for the winter as DS1 has respiratory problems and is always quite poorly in the winter, he can't be expected to walk everywhere in the cold, he just won't be able to do it
So a car is going to have to be a priority
The last car I had before ExP () insisted we scrap it and get a newer one on finance was only about £700, so I could just get another cheap little runaround
I've got lots of baby stuff I could sell now I know I won't be needing it again and could start saving up the money

I'm putting off sorting benefits, it just feels so final, and it just gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach
I know that's silly, but I really don't want to do it yet
I have money in the bank and child benefit goes in fortnightly, so I have some to be getting on with for now

OP posts:

LMGTFY · 13/09/2016 10:05

Sorting benefits isn't final, why don't you get any forms filled in and handed in as a 'just in case', these things probably take time to come through so at least it could be ready to be paid if you need it. If you don't need it you can cancel the claim. Just make it a mindset thing to get them registered for if the need arises...

Mix56 · 13/09/2016 10:09

Oh Capes, As I understand it, ou really must declare the date the separation happened, & payment will be backdated to that date.
Ring the CAB, at the very least you need to get the correct information.
I would NOT bank on him being reasonable, when he sees how much he has to live on he will say he's not paying YOU, of course it's not for You, its for his children.
Keep strong. You won't be turning back, & once the finance is sorted out you can relax.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 13/09/2016 10:19

Morning capes get the forms filled in as you will need the cash ASAP, they are not known for their speedy processing. I know it seems final but it can also be stopped at any time. It's not set in stone.

Your doing fab X

HughLauriesStubble · 13/09/2016 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buttonmoonb4tea · 13/09/2016 10:27

I second what other mumsnetters have said, it's probably best to make the claims this week in order to get paid in roughly 4-6 weeks. They really can take their times with processing claims. You can claim income support, child benefit, child tax credit, housing benefit and council tax reduction. To claim income support ring the Dwp freephone number on gov.uk. The same applies for child tax credit except that HMRC that processes the claim. For housing benefit and council tax reduction ring you're local council. All of this will mean your children will be entitled to free school meals, free prescription, eye care and dental care for you. Please don't delay. If I've forgotten anything I'll come back to you.

HuckfromScandal · 13/09/2016 10:27

And contact the council.
25% off your council tax is a good saving too! Just a phone call away!

Keep going
You're doing great
We are all behind you

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