He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

WELL DONE!

Have you ever left him before or just threatened to?

You are awesome NoCapes

Well done OP!

NoCapes you are awesome... And what a life you will have with your beautiful children once that hoofwanking bunglecunt is out of it! I'm so sorry you have endured what you have on your own.. All of us ladies that have suffered the devastation of a miscarriage, and those that haven't actually cannot imagine being treated with such coldness when all you needed was to be loved and looked after.. Thinking about they way he treated you makes me want to find him and repeatedly punch him in the nuts and face!

You are worth so much more than he could ever give you.. I'm so glad you are making the changes to have a wonderful life.

Take stock of how amazing you have been today, eat and try to relax if you can and take each day of your brand new life a step at a time.. And take comfort that your children will forever be grateful that they grew up with a happy, loving, cape wearing champ!!! Go girl

You bloody fantastic lady!!!! So so proud!!
Right now do these things... Put chain on door/deadlock if you have one. If not leave keys in door so it can't be opened.

Make sure you've changed all passwords, log out of all devices etc. Switch phone OFF.

Eat! Get kids in bed. Draw the hottest bubbliest bath and have a 🍷

Tomorrow is priority day. Benefits applications. Check all bills and what's in whose name.
Apply for CMS online... Assume an every other weekend arrangement for now and direct pay and can always change it later.

Cancel anything you don't need to save money.
Use top cash back app and see if you can change energy deals etc to save you money and get cash back.

Rearrange house exactly as you want it.

Repeat to EX constantly. We have split. The only thing we need to discuss is child contact and any financials/remaining belongings. Say we can coparent sensibly or go through the courts. This and this only is where you have a choice.... I will not respond to any messages unless on these subjects.

In fact... Get a new email address for all comms. That way if he gets shitty you have the evidence.

v

So proud of you. You have all of mums net behind you and I'm sure if you needed RL support if you posted a rough area many of us, me included would be happy to. Stay strong X

Wow bloody hell op I've just read the thread and I'm well surprised at the outcome! Looks like after eight years you have finally found you again! 🌟🌟

You can't find your mr right if your still dragging round Mr Asshole.

He sounds like my BIL. Sil stayed with him doing this shit for 21 years. In the end he didn't care how she or the kids felt and the worst thing I thought was his family (mil and FIL) completly accepted it and started calling her misrable!!

Fuck that shit.

op dig deep now. The hardest hit is about to begin - but it will be also very very telling.

Late to the thread but want to say well done for staying so strong and not wavering. You'll go up and down over the next few weeks but stand firm. He does not deserve you, is incapable of change as he has proved and you have a bright future to look forward to without him ruining it. The alternative is more of the same crap for years and years. It's a no brainer. Stay strong. Be proud of yourself.

I have read this thread from beginning to end today, and I am in complete awe of you

I've been following from the start and I wish you the best of futures NoCapes; now you are free of the millstone round your neck you can concentrate on and look forward to the better life that you and your children deserve.

what adick u need to chat?

er no dont think so

like i said before ignore all these sorts of texts he just want to get in your head

how patronising

Lets bet on how long he leaves it till he messages you again?y the powers that be.
I would preempt.
Send email, say this is my new email address for any communication re. Children. I will not be replying to any texts.
I am applying for X, Y ,& Z
the on-line calculator says you will be paying me a minimum of X for child maintenance.
This will need to start immediately, & if you default it will all be done automatically. I have rent, elec, water, rates food, school uniform, clubs, to cover to care for & keep a roof over your children's heads. I will need this immediately.
this is not up for discussion.
If you wish to see your children, I suggest you collect them ALL on Saturday 9am, & return them Sunday 4pm.
This of course will need to be elsewhere.
BTW, they haven't even noticed you are not here.... not surprised? me neither.
in the mean time

oopsLets bet on how long he leaves it till he messages you again?
I would preempt.
Send email, say this is my new email address for any communication re. Children. I will not be replying to any texts.
I am applying for X, Y ,& Z
the on-line calculator says you will be paying me a minimum of X for child maintenance.
This will need to start immediately, & if you default it will all be done automatically. I have rent, elec, water, rates food, school uniform, clubs, to cover to care for & keep a roof over your children's heads. I will need this immediately.
this is not up for discussion.
If you wish to see your children, I suggest you collect them ALL on Saturday 9am, & return them Sunday 4pm.
This of course will need to be elsewhere.
BTW, they haven't even noticed you are not here.... not surprised? me neither.
in the mean time

in the mean time, this may screw up your plans for Saturday night, but hey.

Just wanted to add my 'well done' to you nocapes.

It's at times like this that you realise how strong you are. I left my 2nd husband for different reasons but at a time when it seemed impossible to leave (my eldest son was terminally ill). It was the best thing I did but at the time seemed surreal.

You WILL find your way, it WILL be better.

Just wanted to thank you all again
I can't even tell you how much I appreciate every single message, you have all been so so so lovely
I have had more support on here in 2 days from a group of strangers than I have had...in a very long time!
I wouldn't have done this if you weren't all here cheering me on and being angry for me
I am so grateful

And we will remain here for you! Just come on a vent or chat!

I do hope you do something lovely for you this evening even if it's just slob about and watch total trash on the telly 😄

Hear hear. Don't be alone pop in when you have weak moments.

I noticed I'm being used as an example on another thread of how you don't want your life to turn out, how depressing

NoCapes you deserve the support, you are wonderful.. And he is a wank badger.

You are a cape wearing super hero and never forget it.. And never let him forget it either

Funko my evening has consisted of being vomited on so far! Not exactly what I had in mind

Used as an example of how you don't want your life to turn out? Of course, no one should aspire to taking control, changing their life for the better, putting themselves and their kids first, being strong, brave, fierce and determined. Being in the shittest of situations, emotionally abused and abandoned during the worst time of your life and instead of giving up, standing up and saying "fuck it, I'm not being treated like this anymore because I am worth more!" I'd say that's fucking inspirational OP, not something to be sneered at. Why have you been vomited on?

Better vommited in by a DC. than shat on from a height by a dickhead.

Ok, not the most glam of evenings, but the peace you must be feeling.

Stay strong and power yourself.

Saving grace is that the DCs aren't going to be missing him any time soon. By the time they even notice he's gone, you'll be loving your freedom so much you won't even twinge if they ask.

Well done, do not cave when he continues with the script.

I would consider emailing him with proposed contact arrangements, do not get drawn into any other discussions. Just ignore anything that isn't regarding contact. If he doesn't play ball tell him he needs to arrange mediation...

As well as phoning CMS sort out your Tax Credit claim as a single parent too