He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Well done, NoCapes.

You deserve so much more than he will ever give you.

His behaviour around your miscarriage is genuinely shocking.

I am in awe of you. Magnificent.

NoCapes how he treated you with your miscarriage was appalling, but also another notion to hold on to when you're having a wobble - that was his baby too. He is such a cold-hearted bastard that he doesn't even give a shit about losing his own child. My DP is by no means perfect, but he would be absolutely devastated if I had miscarried or did in the future.

You kick him to the curb

He's still saying I'm over reacting and this is unnecessary, he's agreed to not speak but has said he wants to have a chat when I've 'calmed down'

Thankyou all for your lovely words today

I just saw this on Facebook and made me think of this thread. You can send it to him once he pulls that bingo card out op

Just wanted to say that you are an inspiration, OP. Have you had a chance to check your benefits and entitlements yet?

He's still saying I'm over reacting and this is unnecessary, he's agreed to not speak but has said he wants to have a chat when I've 'calmed down'

Well he isn't going to say 'gosh you are so right, I am a cunt' is he? Well, he would if he was in any way sorry for his actions. But he isn't so is suggesting you are hysterical.

What would you chat about exactly? The weather?

You don't have to "chat" with him again - no arguments, you don't have to listen to his crap, you don 't have to listen to another word he says - let's face it you know what he will say, you've heard it all before, it's a bunch of rubbish.

Eventually you will have to be in contact with him re the DC I guess - but personally, you don't have to do anything at all.

What he says doesn't matter anymore. Not one bit. Its what you say and what you want that is important.

I love that you've given him his dirty underwear NoCapes, that's fabulous.

Keeping the PlayStation for the kids was the right thing to do, you can tell him you won it back from him by getting a full house in the cliche bingo if he complains.

It is hard to keep strong, of course you are going to have wobbles. Read back through your thread and hold on to the anger to fortify yourself.

You are amazing. Well done.

Lj I've seen that before, perfect for this

Doreen No he's going to tell her that she's crazy/it's all in her head/he's not that bad or any other number of things to trick her into letting him back

I would seriously consider arranging all contact with his children via the courts. I would not trust him at all to abide by any informal agreement thrashed out between you and he.

Tell him you might have calmed down my about 2020, if he's got his diary handy?

Love that Lj

Yep I know exactly what he will say, I could probably say it all for him, I've heard it approximately 87,000 times before
I haven't even thought about contact with the kids/benefits etc - I will think about that tomorrow, for now I've got a headache and 3 very loud children, I just need to not think for a while

Well done nocapes 🎉🍾🍾🍾🎉🎉
I was reading bits off this out to my dh. As soon as I got to the PlayStation bit he said tell her to keep it for the kids, what twat takes a PlayStation off his own kids.
He also sends his best wishes to you.

Brilliant!! Well done nocapes that is fabulous news! You have made my day!
Not thinking for a while is fine, remember day at a time and eat and drink regularly and look after you now.

Nah Costa she should tell him that if he only wants her when she doesn't need his input to come back when all the kids have left home

I think you're great NoCapes

I've been reading this thread and I'm delighted that you've found the willpower and strength to put yourself first. Well done you!!!

I was watching TV recently and saw this ad for Maltesers and I thought of this thread:

My friend sent me this when my divorce came through. Thought you might like it NoCapes.

De-lurking to wave my pom poms too.

Thank you Lynne's DH

smartie I only realised when I read that that I haven't ate today - whoops!

red that is hilarious!!

I LOVE that ad :)

He won't need the PlayStation in his mothers box room!

Horrified by what you've been through, make sure you get support wherever you need it, losing your beautiful baby is enough to deal with without him putting you through all of this!
Now go have a big glass of wine, put your feet up or have a hot bath and enjoy the first night of the rest of your life. YOUR life. Xxx

You could set up an email address for all arrangements relating to DC, also is very good evidence/trail. If he's unreasonable it is all there.
Also, you have control of when you look at it.

You can talk to him when you're ready, and as pp said, you don't ever have to talk if you don't want to.
Give yourself all the time and space you need.
Start creating the life you want.

What you have done today is massive.
Now rest, take your time, breathe, consolidate, eat.

I've been following this thread with interest and huge respect for you Nocapes! The way he has treated you and your DCs is awful. His recent failure to be a decent human being regarding your miscarriage is truly abhorrent, BUT you got through it all on your own! That just proves you don't need him and you really can cope with the most difficult things in life without him.
Well done for taking action, I think you've found your 'cape' and are ready to fly high above him now!