He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

NoCapes. you are doing so well.

If he thinks that ANYONE would be 'happy' while being left alone to recover from something as traumatic as the loss of your baby so late in pg, well, how can you trust his view on anything?

How you react is up to you. You are NOT over-reacting, and if you were , your feelings, your emotions, you are allowed to react how you feel. He is trying to make your feelings Unimportant, while his are the most important ones.

When push comes to shove, you don't have to justify how you feel or that you want to end the relationship. That you want to end it is enough. You don't have to prove any reasons to him.

How the HELL he could dismiss your feelings (telling you you were 'in a mood' after he stayed out all night) and then think he could leave you alone all day, staying in bed, ignoring his children, when you are recovering from the delivery of your lost baby and managing young kids and a baby, and think he can say 'I love you' remains a mystery. No one treats someone they love like that.

It is emotionally abusive to dismiss your feelings, try and blame you, and guilt trip you.

You deserve someone who actually loves you and treats you well, and you need to have the experience of that to know just how bad, selfish and unkind, his behaviour is.

If ever you are having a wobble then read your post about going to the hospital alone and then having to come back and sort the kids out. It was inhumane of him to allow that to happen.
You owe yourself a life without someone thinking that little of you.
Keep the PlayStation.
What are the plans for him to pick his stuff up? Can you arrange for you and the kids to be out? Or at least make sure your mum is with you so he can't attempt to manipulate you.

Another one here so sad you had to go through that, NoCapes, and furious that he couldn't even be there for you on something like that.

I've just dropped the car off and all his stuff at his mums, I've text him asking not to come to the house or contact me for a few days

Oh and I've kept the PlayStation

Well done.

Your post about your miscarriage was very upsetting and it shouldn't have happened to any woman. Awful. Please believe that other men wouldn't have been like that. He's not typical, there's something really wrong with him.

It will be interesting to see how many times he ignores your request to not contact. Men like that don't give a shit what you want. So I imagine he'll pay no heed to it. Every time he does, imagine him saying "Fuck you, NoCapes, I don't give a shit what you want". Cos regardless of the content of the text, that'll be what he's saying underneath.

not the PlayStation!

Yes very upsetting to hear how he treated you when you had your miscarriage.

Bloody hell. Well done!!🍾👏

Keep going Nocapes. One step at a time. You need somewhere to dump his clothes off as otherwise he'll weedle his way in for one more night - give him more time to break you down.

He keeps the car - you keep the playstation.

And the stash of clothes - thats so he can sneak in from work, and if he thinks there's a chance of you asking him to stop in he can just do a quick change in the utility room and shoot out the door, before you can blink OR when he comes in at an early hour smelling or pot/perfume/sweaty sex he can go have a quick wash and a change and your non the wiser.

TBH it doesn't really matter. It just demonstrates that he plans ahead and he knows that what he wants to do is selfish and mean. But doesn't care. Cos in his head you don;t matter, you are only there for his convenience.

Well done NoCapes, how are you feeling now? You have really been through the mill, been put through the mill by him. I'm so sorry you had to go through your loss by yourself, and had no support. You and your kids will be fine, it'll take time and it will hurt for a while, but you can do this.

Sorry NoCapes I posted on the wrong thread there's one similar! That the fiancé has been a child and I thought the PlayStation would have been a suitable punishment because of how much of a child/ teenager he's been!

Don't mean to mix threads just letting you know in case the PlayStation has some other meaning in the contents of this thread and I seemed an Arse

Amazing! Well done you!!

Well done nocapes, don't fall for the script now

Well done, that's amazing. You're amazing

Just seen your update - well done, so, so well done!

He'll be shocked and furious. He may not leave you be. Or he may start faulting his night time activities. He may go quiet - then get you when the adrenaline wears off.

Be prepared. This may be the hard bit.

And he can see the kids every other weekend. And not in your home. If he asks where - not your problem.

Wow just read this whole thread, I could feel my blood pressure rising at his behaviour. I'm so relieved that you have chucked him out. He is so smug that he thought he could treat you like shit on his shoe and you would just take it forever more, well done for proving him wrong. You need to stay angry. If you feel yourself wobbling think of your children. Your lovely beautiful babies who he treats with such disdain that he doesn't bother spending any time with them, snuggling them into bed, laughing at them splashing around in the bath. And get angry.

Also just fyi you can claim income support until your youngest is 5, with that and tax credits you will manage fine until you are more settled. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and so many options. I'm 10 years older than you and am just about to start my final year of my OU degree whilst at home full time woth my kids. All the best, stay strong.

Well done stay strong. Sure he won't have time for PlayStation as he has to unpack and do his own dirty laundry

im in awe of your strength OP. Youre a good woman!

Good. Get in!

And well done for keeping the play station. He's a wanker. If he ever asks for it 'You'd take the playstation off the kids? Wowsers'.

Well done op...well done.

What an amazing day in the life of NoCapes and her children!

You are so strong. Keep going. And I am so sorry for your loss and being alone to deliver your angel baby you deserve SO much better than this asshole.

So many amazing stories on herefrom women who have been in similar situations. YOU have the power to change your life! You're doing it. Bloody brilliant work lady. Just keep on going!