He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Love is an action.

Talk is cheap.

I wouldn't respond.
When he doesn't get what he wants he might turn nasty.
Just don't engage.
It's difficult enough without getting in the ring with him.
If you don't get in the ring, you can't get hurt.
Stay safe. X

helena he sounds lovely and congratulations on your pregnancy

It is still baffling me that you're all telling me he's abusive - I have never thought for a single second that I am being abused, I just don't feel like it's bad enough to be abuse
But it still isn't good enough to stay any longer of course

Take his bags to his Mother's if you don't want to do anything too 'public', that is probably where he will go anyway initially, just so that he can look like the innocent injured party.

Please, if you are feeling regretful, remember you are feeling sad over what might have been. You are not sad to lose the reality.
Please fast forward 5 years. How do you want your life to be? Not like this I reckon?

hoofwanking stublecunty ways just made me

NoCapes I'm so proud of you!
Attagirl x

MrsJusticeCunt has a great idea. Whingey Twat Bingo is a great way to stay strong by making his last ditch non-effort as ridiculous as it is, and reminding yourself that everything out of his mouth is part of the script.

You've already had the "second chance" and "but I luurrrvvee you!..." crap - do we have more suggestions for stock phrases?

I can throw in:

"You're throwing this all away"
"You'll never find another man"

'You trapped me'

What about the children?

Wow, NoCapes, I cross-posted with your own gems! Woof.

Just another one coming to say how well you are doing op.
Has he not even rung you? Just text? If it were me and I genuinely wanted to save my marriage I think I might, you know, pick up the phone at least.
There are lots of types of abuse. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between someone selfishly taking the Piss and acting in a way that's totally unacceptable or actually doing it on purpose to control you and make you feel so small that they get their own way all the time.
Either way, fuck putting up with that for the rest of your days.

"You're breaking up our family"

"You're not willing to just give me one more chance"

' I promise I won't do this to you ever again' for the bingo.
'I don't know why I did it-it just sort of happened'

Also, agree with the others about him turning nasty when he realises you are serious. If plan A doesn't work (appealing to the romantic soft side), then plan B needs to be initiated (going for the fear and bullying approach).

"Because you're so perfect aren't you?"
"The kids need a dad"
"You've probably got someone new all lined up that's why you're being a(n) "
"I just want us to be a proper family"

"If you weren't so busy with the children I wouldn't have had to go elsewhere for attention".

myfriend no he hasn't really said anything to me in person yesterday or today, just lots and lots of texts
It was possibly so the kids didn't hear anything, but still!

Oh squeegle we've had that one, forgot about that

oh and

"I'm trying to be better but you're not supporting meeee"

I keep thinking of more

"Nothing will ever be good enough for you"

I keep thinking of more

"Nothing will ever be good enough for you"

You don't pay me any attention,
You're ungrateful
Your always complaining
You are ruining the DCs lives.
I go to work all week,
It's your fault. (Hahaha, laughing out loud at this one)

What I would do here is to be waiting at the door when he comes home. Have his car keys and ALL his shite packed up in the car; make him give you the door key in exchange for the car key and then close the door. No tears, no wibbling, just pop that cape on and fucking do it.

Nowhere to stay? Not your problem.

Buzzard we've had a variation of that one - he said "yes I go out a lot but you go to bed early with the baby so I go out to see people"
Yes knobrash, I go to bed with the baby because I'm fucking knackered because I've done every single night waking for 10 months!!...7 years in fact!! So excuse me if I don't have the energy to 'entertain' you all night long, how very rude of me!

Emotional abuse is still abuse.

So proud of you OP, be prepared to wobble a bit but you are absolutely doing the right thing. Honestly, his behaviour towards you is disgusting. Remember he has broken every promise and been given several chances to change.

Did he stay on the couch last night?

There is no right or wrong way to deal with getting him out, sadly there is no crystal ball to tell us which way has the least impact on you. I would probably pack everything, fill the car and text him that all his stuff is in the car and hope he has called his mum or someone to arrange a room.

Stay strong.