He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Best if luck for today, you can do it x

OMG!
Checking back on this thread to see how you are and what a fantastic update!
It's scary doing something different, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Life is going to be so much better,day by day, it will get better. Mark my words!

Take no crap. He doesn't have nowhere to go. We know that or he wouldn't disappear to friend places to chill. He can chill forever now.

Don't get sucked into any dramas about him not having anywhere to go. Clearly, he does have somewhere to go, otherwise where has he been staying out of a night? In any case, not your problem. He can go to a b&b if necessary.

I would tell him that you will leave his stuff on the doorstep by the time he finishes work, and he will need to collect it if he wants to ensure its safety. And not to bother trying to come in, because you will have changed the locks.

Good luck. Today is the start of a much brighter future.

As he is having a new life without the day to day responsibility of looking after and caring for the children I suggest you keep the car. As it is easier for him to get the bus rather than you and the children.

Just read this whole thread and you are an actual superstar op! Well done you, stay strong

I get the wobble, I really do, I had them too, but stay strong NoCapes, I promise it will be ok soon. You and your kids will be free of him dragging you down and you will be able to see that all those horrible things he said about/to you just aren't true. You are amazing, really amazing, you CAN do this.

6 the car is on finance under his name, I actually can't keep it unfortunately

I've filled 2 bin bags already and I've only cleared him out of the utility & kitchen - it may not all fit in the car I think I underestimated how much shit he owns
I found 3 outfits (t-shirts & jeans, one with socks) neatly folded up and stashed in random places in the utility room - I don't even know what to make of that and I'm just trying to power through and pretend I hadn't found what is probably evidence, I didn't even unfold them just shoved them in the bag but I really want to check for make-up/stains

He's texting me now saying he's sorry and he loves me

Well that's a surprise

I wouldn't ask him where he wants his stuff until you are packed. He might suddenly leave work if he finally clicks you are serious. Focus on his essentials first, then everything else. He can have all the rest of his stuff at a later date.

And if you have some energy left, rearrange the furniture or bedroom so it's yours and not the same 😄

NoCapes shall we play 'The Script' bingo?
(You're amazing, BTW, I want to be like you when I eventually grow up )

Ah that's a good point Funko I'll get it all packed first

Crossed post... I wouldn't reply to those texts

Haha MrsJustice I bet I could have a full house by lunchtime

(Ps I don't feel very grown up right now, I want to go to bed and cry - but I won't )

I'm up for bingo

What about " how can you do this to the kids "

Good for you. He really sounds like a compulsive liar. I'm sorry you have been going through this. Sounds like you are taking control back now - hurrah! Stay strong. Don't listen to his Weasel words. He has had ample time to show you his love in the past.

Meh, cry if you like, but make them angry tears full of rage and bile. Crying is fine.
And if you feel like you're about to wobble, come and wobble on us

oh we haven't had that one yet Kr1stina we've had -
I'm sorry
I love you
It was only once ()
I haven't slept with anyone but you
It's just a bad patch
We can work on it
I don't want to lose you
I don't want it to end like this
I know you love me

Still waiting for -
Don't break up the family
I can change
You're not perfect either
You won't cope without me
You need me
No-one else will want you
You'll get over it

...anymore I've forgot?

Reply. Oh dear! How sad! Never mind! Ps your clothes are in the boot of the car. And your car is parked at your mothers Drive said car to his mothers place and post keys through door in envelope with his name on.

Then go home have a long bath, take the baby for a walk and enjoy the rest of your life. Ten years from now he'll still be doing the same shit.

I left an abusive relationship l and six months almost to the day I met for the first time my DH (I took my time to let him in) he is beautiful, funny, loyal, has an amazing job and thinks the sun shines out of my behind. We are due a baby in early November and his family are wonderful, funny, supportive and think we are perfect together. There is life after abuse, because there sure as he'll isn't life during abuse.

Well done capes. Brave lady. It is hard to leave someone esp if have kids with them

You sound very positive in all your recent posts 💐💐💐

You said your mum has his key. Can you speak to her?

Pack his things up and leave on doorstep or wherever he would like them

Very sorry about your mc 💐💓

And maybe there are some mn'ers in your area who can be real Friends and support you - if you want to say which area you are in?

Oh I forgot we've also already had -
You're over reacting

I'm just giving the baby a bottle (hence all my posting) then I'll carry on
I'm not crying yet, if I start I won't stop and I've got too much to do

Of course he's texting you that. It's classic. His life is about to get harder and more uncomfortable, and he'd rather it didn't.

He wasn't showing you much love when he was staying out all night and not even giving you the courtesy of an explanation, was he?

You're doing really well.

Oh just read the post about car is in his name

Yes put all in car and leave for him in there

NoCapes If / when the truth outs, it will be:

She chased me
We never slept together, we only kissed
Ok, we slept together just once
She never meant anything to me
Ok, it was more than once, but it's you I love
I've been depressed
I need to get counselling
We should get counselling
Etc

And the last few that you wrote, you know are bollocks, don't you (apart from the 'you'll get over it'. Because you will get over it, it being him and his hoofwanking stumblecunty ways.