He hasn't come home

[NoCapes]

"D"P goes out a lot, I've started threads on him before, I mean he literally goes out 4/5 times a week
And he goes out every single Saturday night
He always gets in early hours of the morning and he sleeps on the couch
There's been the odd 'emergency' where he comes in at 8/9am-ish (friend was in hospital after a fight etc)
He's come in twice with make up on his t-shirt

Last night he went out and I've just got up with the baby to discover he hasn't come home
His phone is switched off

Will you all give me a shake and tell me the absolute glaringly obvious?...

Badger did you post that on the wrong thread or am I just being a bit thick? I don't know what you mean

Stripped should be stripper. My tablet is a bit uncomfortable with these things it would seem

I think she might have. Stay strong OP.

Point being that touching a stripper is still cheating it just has the added bonus of also being abusive

Oh ok, no I was never ok with the strippers and when I've asked him before to stop going to strip clubs he's said he wasn't ever going to stop
Just another example of how important I am to him ... And also another example of how superior he feels he is to women

You're right NoCapes, it is all just more excuses - but you're also right that that's your defence mechanism because you're scared.

What you've started today needs to be seen out to its conclusion now - it's the absolute right thing to do and that will be as clear as anything when you look back on it in the years to come.

You deserve far, far more than what he's given & is giving you, and you are stronger than you think you are.
You can make your life the life that you want it to be, and you will be able to do that so much better without him dragging you down.

Stay strong, stay determined, and know that you're not the first to reach this epiphany point & you're definitely not alone.

A good day's work, NoCapes!
Tomorrow is the first day of your free life!
He has been treating you incredibly badly, not like a partner at all. Someone who loves you treats you with respect because they want you to be happy, they don't have to be threatened with being kicked out .

N.B this is serious: you really can't change your mind now, no matter what he says or does to plead his case. Because you have played your strongest card. If you let him back now he will forever more know that he can do what the hell he likes with no consequences.

GoCapes!

As for the strippers , and telling you he would never stop...SO disgusting.

Expect him to fight back. He will say vile things, he will try and get under your skin.
Don't engage, don't listen. Your unemotional groove is GOOD.

On a different note, maybe u could chuck a cape in with the bin bags full of his stuff, he might wear it and get sucked into a jet engine ;-) love the username, stay strong, you're amazing!

It does show he doesn't respect women and you are much better off without him

Another poster here who's so impressed with your strength. I'm rooting for you OP - you really are doing the right thing for you and your DC.

Hello NoCapes. Sorry to come to the thread so late, I've been reading it when I can today, but not had a chance to post until now.

Your dilemma really resonated with me, because when I was 26, I was in a very similar position to you. But I didn't have the courage to leave, and I let the whole sorry saga go on, until I was 37. My ExH sounds just like your "D"P. Finally, at 37 I just snapped and made my plans to leave. By then I had 2 kids by him, but I just couldn't stand it any more. He had tried to seduce all of my friends, my sister, my Mum (yes, my fucking Mum) and also shagged by Best friend (who I dumped obvs).

I am now 46. My ExH will be 50 next year, and he is STILL doing the same old shit. He had a serious GF after me. He cheated on her too. Was out all the time. She left him eventually. So, here he is, almost 50, and still chasing skirt every fucking weekend.

My point is, that your Partner isn't going to change. So get out whilst you're young.

I have been wondering why your guys was in bed until 5pm today. Not a hangover if he wasn't drinking. All I can think of, is that he was with OW and shagging all night. What else could it be?

Fwiw, leaving ExH was the best thing I could have done. Like you, my first H was the only guy I'd been with, so I had nothing to compare to. I am now happily remarried and DH is the polar opposite of ExH. Hardly ever goes out, if he does, he's home when he says he will be. No lying. No cheating. Would much rather be home with me, than out galavanting. And the irony? He's about 10 times more handsome than ExH. My ExH was thin and weedy and short. My DH is tall, broad shouldered, dark, ridiculously handsome

You too can find Mr Right. But only if you ditch this sorry excuse for a man. Don't wait too long like I did. It drove me to a breakdown. There are lovely men out there, like my DH, that won't treat you like this. And when you find that, well, life is just amazing and you truly wondered why and how, you lived with such shit for so long. You'll have your lmoment in your next relationship, where you think "Ah this is how it's meant to be" x

Impressive isn't she!

Just wanted to say "stay strong". You will have your wobbly moments and doubt your decision but, you are totally doing the right thing.

You are setting a wonderful example to your children by having courage and strength in awful circumstances.

I say this as a child of a mother who suffered years of abuse from my father but finally found the courage to boot him out.

well done op u can do this

any chance of changing the locks tomorrow with your ll permission i know u said theyre family

then lave him a message your stuff is outside and dont try and come in your key wont work

Husky thank you so much for that, that made me cry more than you'd expect
I'm absolutely certain DP (can I call him my ex yet?) will be like your exH when he's 50, still trying to shag 28 year olds, possibly with another version of me at home with probably more of his children
Tbh it just makes me really sad for him - why doesn't he want better for himself??!

A few people have mentioned changing the locks - he actually doesn't have a key atm as my Mum borrowed it for something (can't even remember why now) and we just never got it back off her, one of us is always on so didn't really need it
I will probably change the locks anyway, but it's not something that needs doing urgently

Oh, I'm sorry for making you cry. I could cry for you though, I really could (and the old me actually).

It's just a big steaming pile of poo, dealing with a twat like this, isn't it.

I have so many memories of being sad. I remember being about 30 weeks pregnant at a works "do", and watching ExH smooch with a girl on the dance floor. WTF was I thinking? I was so upset, I stormed out. Then waited in the car park, in case he couldn't get a cab home!!

If my DH did anything like that now, (which he wouldn't), he would be fucking ditched and I wouldn't care if he couldn't get home and slept in a ditch. But I am not naive anymore, or soft. Experience has taught me to have high expectations and take NO SHIT EVER.

I am also sad for EhX. He has no-one to holiday with. No-one to spend his evenings with. No-one to spend Christmas with. Bloody hell, it must be lonely at times. And I can't help wondering who he is even managing to pull now? And whether he regrets losing me? He's almost 50 but looks older whereas I have been very lucky and could pass for 35

You know you've beaten a bully when the only emotion you feel for them
Is pity. And remember the ultimate revenge is living well!

You've done so well today stay strong tomorrow

here here helen

oh thats good about the key u want to double lock the door then and make it clear hes not to come back in-whever that is i assume he has work tomorrow?

Oh it's ok Husky everything's making me cry today
I have lots of ridiculous memories like that too that I look back at and thing wtf capes?! Yet I continue to let him do those things over and over

helena yes it's pity, I do pity him
Part of me wants to shake some sense into him still but I can't, I've been trying for so long, I can't make him want things he doesn't want no matter how much I want them for him
It's just such a fucking shame - we actually could've been really good together

gabs yes he's in work tomorrow, I have a busy day planned

NoCapes - I don't know where you are, but I'm sending you all the positive vibes I can via wi-fi.

Remember, the tears and pitiful act that will surely come next are tears for him. Not you and the kids. For him.

He is a scourge on you, your kids and on society. This is not a man.

God you can do so much better - and you will!

Stay strong please

good-yes it is sad but u cant make someone change unfortunately

he'll only realise this when hes left alone with noone

Please do not let him sweet talk you OP. He will try. And when (not if!!) it doesn't work, he sounds the type that will turn nasty.

You will be so much better off without him. It will be a shit time until you find your feet, but totally worth it. And your kids will be so proud if you and thank you for it when they are older.

I dread to think what would have happened to me and my mum if she had stayed with my dad.

You can do it. Stay strong.