DH has given me an ultimatum

[Memyselfandthatotherperson]

Things have been been difficult for a while and these are old issues but last night DH gave me an ultimatum. Either we start having a lot more sex or he leaves.

We're generally once a week, although less lately as I'm 20 weeks pg and having pains plus general exhaustion from working FT and 3yo dc. His libedo is higher than mine and wants every other day.

This is obv very important to him as part of a loving relationship and he's said it's my choice to make now.
Wwyd?
Tia.

Oh this is awful, it just gets worse.
I have a really bad feeling about this, I don't think you'll ever please this man, I think he's going to keep shifting the goal posts further and further and he'll keep using your anxiety and a stick to keep beating you with. I wonder how much of your anxiety is linked to his treatment of you?
At this stage in your relationship with a LO and another on the way you should both be so happy and close

Oh sweetie

He has big ducking issues

Not going to do your anxiety any good at all

Intimacy comes in a living equally respectful, trusting relationship.

Easy for me to say but
I would ask him to move out and go and think about whether he really thinks demanding sex us the way to go about creating a loving, internet relationship.

This will then give you some breath space

Then let your family and friends rally round and give you the support you need.

Appalling. Absolutely fucking appalling. Really the dregs.

I'm so sorry.

God he's just me, me, me, me, me isn't he?!

It's a red-herring OP - a man who would blow off his pregnant wife, toddler and unborn baby for just about any reason is NOT a nice person.

"Make him believe I'm enjoying it" is hideous.

He is horrible. It's all about him. It's vile that he can be aroused knowing that you don't really want / like what's happening.

Trying to use your anxiety as another lever against you is beyond low.

Please speak to people in real life about the things this man is saying to you.

God he's just me, me, me, me, me isn't he?!

It's a red-herring OP - a man who would blow off his pregnant wife, toddler and unborn baby for just about any reason is NOT a nice person.

Repeat posting fail....oh well, that's how strongly I feel about it!!

This makes me so sad for you.

I can't believe he's saying you've trapped him. To me, you're the one sounding trapped. Whatever you do, it's wrong for someone and somehow your fault. The very definition of trapped.

You've had everyone telling you what to do but my instant reaction to your first post was "I'd tell him to fuck off and leave the key behind".

Now i'd tell him the same even more vociferously, safe in the knowledge that both you and your children would definitely, absolutely be better off without him.

Good luck op. I fear your have a long road ahead of you with this arsehole.

OP this is just disgusting I really feel for you. I wouldn't bother calling his bluff I'd just get rid.

Id be anxious too if I was married to him

He sounds like a complete and utter bastard

I would tell him to go pack his bags, as long as he is happy with everyone knowing the reason he has left his pregnant wife is because he's "only" getting sex once a week.

How entitled can you get!

Oh my god OP, this is horrific. HE is horrific. This isn't love, he doesn't even sound like he even likes you, and he certainly doesn't respect you.

I am outraged on your behalf. And so sad for you too. This will not get better. As pp said, he will keep moving the goalposts, the fact that he is willing to treat you like this now, at your most vulnerable, is sociopathic.

Please please don't let him do this to you anymore. You are worth so much more than this.

I suspect you might find that your anxiety eases massively once he goes, too.

I suspect you might find that your anxiety eases massively once he goes, too.

Ditch the selfish bastard now.

My Dh went two years without sex with me

Combination of no sex drive and damage from birth

Did he sit and whinge about how I wasn't servicing his needs and demanding blow jobs?

Did he fuck. He supported me and told me that he will wait until I am ready

God he sounds revolting

This is hard for you to read, but you are married to an abusive man. He sees you as an appliance for his sexual pleasure. Like most abusive people he's self-centred and doesn't take responsibility for anything. He is happy to rape you. It's wrong and abusive.

he would really leave you at 20 weeks because of lack of sex??? Ohh Charming.

He can do one in my opinion.

I was willing to give him a tiny bit of the benefit of the doubt earlier, but based on your latest post I'm sorry, he sounds like a complete arsehole.

You don't have to put up with this OP

I'm also wondering if your anxiety is linked to him and I'm not surprised you're upset

I've read the OP's posts.

Fuck him. This is abuse. If you are feeling that you need to participate in activities that you don't want to, mainly to maintain your marriage, this is abuse. You are worth more. You are worth far far more than him. You don't want this for the rest of your life.

Who do you have in RL to lean on?

Ltb and tell everyone why. Believe me they will think he is a shit.

This place is supportive, when you are ready to leave, lean on the MN collective.

I'm so sorry. He is an utter moron and you in no way deserve to be treated like that.
Have a chat with your midwife if you need help to access services to help you leave/make him leave. They are trained to look out for signs of domestic abuse and at the very least will help you to find out who to speak to/where to go.

My jaw dropped reading the op! What an entitled fucker! This is not normal, not normal at all.