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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

new guy and his 3 children.....

170 replies

toots321 · 03/09/2016 23:07

I was a single parent for 6 years before meeting someone. I went back to college and then onto do a degree whilst working and doing voluntary work. Being a single mum has been the hardest job ever!! Sooooo I have met a guy (who lives at home due to his relationship break down) who has 3 children all under the age of 8 (all lovely) who he has every weekend. My life is bonkers. Work/study/exams and 3 children myself without support from my ex. My week is full of school run/pack lunch/dance class/swimming lessons/cooking/cleaning/working/gardening/assignments/uni/and sleep! I seriously have no time to shave my arm pits (seriously not that hairy)
Anyway.....I have no clue why I'm posting. I just feel a bit annoyed. New guy works nights so he visits and eats tea at ours. On weekends he doesn't ask but kids do. Everyone comes to me....6 girls - all go - no peace - messy house. I'm forever cleaning anyway so you can imagine after a weekend full of kids 🙈
He has absolutely no intention of getting his own place! I can't help but feel a bit peed off! I actually dread weekends. I don't enjoy it. I feel like I'm being a cow but I find it all go with my own. We don't go out as he has his girls every week. His ex doesn't work and has a child free weekend every weekend. I just feel a little deflated and in desperate need of a little tlc!

OP posts:

Original poster

toots321 · 14/09/2016 21:49

Honestly, very childish!
It's hard to write exactly how it was. That's the short of it. I feel so relieved. I felt guilty and mean for feeling how I did and now just so relieved and angry at his childish remarks.
Thankyou lovely people.

OP posts:

Mix56 · 14/09/2016 21:55

Good God...... That takes it to a new level of Berkism......
he just sealed his own coffin.

Whocansay · 14/09/2016 21:59

If he contacts you again, give him the number of a childminder. And tell him to get fucked.

You sound lovely. He is lazy and cheap and cannot be bothered to parent his own children. I hope you find someone who appreciates you.

Cary2012 · 14/09/2016 22:02

Actually toots, you should just put your kids up for adoption, move him in to your house, cook, clean and cater to his every whim. And reward him for being so understanding. Forget your nursing degree, because you were put on this earth for the sole purpose to look after another man's kids, and worship him. Because if you don't then he might just sulk like the big kid he his, spit his dummy out and tell all his ickle friends on Facebookywooky how very sad he is.

Diddums

Bambamrubblesmum · 14/09/2016 22:09

Just out of curiosity how long were you seeing this guy?

hermione2016 · 14/09/2016 22:11

What an idiot, he is trying to blame you rather than work with you for a solution.I am so glad you have worked him out so early on, saved yourself years of heartache.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 14/09/2016 22:15

I can't imagine why he is divorced. Oh, actually, yes I can.

hotdiggedy · 14/09/2016 22:20

What a total plank he was!!! I am glad he has made it so easy for you to realise what a selfish piece of work he was! You really sound great. Enjoy life and freedom!

Bambamrubblesmum · 14/09/2016 22:25

The scary thing is I bet he's already firing up his online dating account looking for the next girlfriend baby sitter,cook etc whilst doing his sad Daily Mail face for the OP.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/09/2016 06:21

Toots, you say his remarks are childish, try to replace childish, for selfish and entitled.
You may find it more acceptable, to banish him completely.
Your little girls don't need someone like him in their lives.

Original poster

toots321 · 15/09/2016 08:31

I know
New day! New start!

OP posts:

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 15/09/2016 08:42

Oh yes - it's so good to get a break from your own kids and still have his to look after on your weekend off

What a tool, so glad you've binned him - this was only going to get worse! Unfortunately meeting a man with DCs is always going to bring its own challenges, but if he's even vaguely sensible you can work it out. Don't let it totally put you off. Men without their own DCs can struggle to understand your commitments so there isn't really an ideal way for relationships once you have DCs!

jeaux90 · 15/09/2016 09:05

Hey OP, take a step back and ask yourself what is the scenario you want from this relationship? You could be honest and just tell him you need some time with your kids on your own and make it every other weekend with them as a starter and see how you feel, also cut back on the times he comes over, same reason. Then you can really work out whether life is easier with out him. I love being a single mum, yes its hard work but rather that than compromise in a relationship to be honest just for the sake of a bit of company.

PacificOcean · 15/09/2016 09:19

Well done OP for not getting sucked back in! You rock

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 15/09/2016 09:47

Jeaux needs to RTFT

Well done Toots! Glad you got angry. But, I gotta say, it's not my fault your girls don't go to their dad's on weekends. Maybe if they did then we would only have 3 kids (his) one weekend and 6 the next! is comedy gold. His warped thinking knows no boinds, amiright?

Original poster

toots321 · 15/09/2016 10:10

Not put off I completed expect challenges. He was far from grown up about it. I think I'm going to have a little break away from the dating scene anyway.
Thanks Jeaux - It's over now tried everything you said, it didn't work.
Thanks everyone for your support
I text my mum 2 days ago to tell her and her response was oh you 2 were meant to be. Not a phone call to see how I am! That's odd isn't it?
Anyway thankyou all so so much

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/09/2016 13:19

'I think I'm going to have a little break away from the dating scene anyway. '

Sounds good. You have a lot on your plate as it is.

Just ignore your mum. She doesn't sound like a good influence, one of those people who simply cannot understand that people can be perfectly happy without a partner.

DontMindMe1 · 15/09/2016 16:01

i found the best way for me to deal with this kind of childishness was to be very blunt - "you need your own place. you can afford to but you choose not to so you can get everyone else to take over YOUR parenting responsibilities. i need to be in a relationship with an ADULT and you are not it!"

SandyY2K · 15/09/2016 18:48

it's not my fault your girls don't go to their dad's on weekends. Maybe if they did then we would only have 3 kids (his) one weekend and 6 the next!

OMG. What planet is he on. I couldn't believe I was reading that.

It amazes me how he must perceive himself. When does a grown up man actually ask themself 'What do I have to offer her'. He's got zilch going for him and he saw you as a way out of his crappie situation.

It's not enough to say you've dogged a bullet. You've dogged a grenade my dear.

confuugled1 · 15/09/2016 21:20

I would be very tempted to have texted him back with his words bit just changing it so that it's not your fault that his girls don't go to their mum's at the weekend and maybe if they did you'd just have the 3 DC for the weekend...

Except obviously you've done the right thing to block him...

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