new guy and his 3 children.....

[toots321]

I was a single parent for 6 years before meeting someone. I went back to college and then onto do a degree whilst working and doing voluntary work. Being a single mum has been the hardest job ever!! Sooooo I have met a guy (who lives at home due to his relationship break down) who has 3 children all under the age of 8 (all lovely) who he has every weekend. My life is bonkers. Work/study/exams and 3 children myself without support from my ex. My week is full of school run/pack lunch/dance class/swimming lessons/cooking/cleaning/working/gardening/assignments/uni/and sleep! I seriously have no time to shave my arm pits (seriously not that hairy)
Anyway.....I have no clue why I'm posting. I just feel a bit annoyed. New guy works nights so he visits and eats tea at ours. On weekends he doesn't ask but kids do. Everyone comes to me....6 girls - all go - no peace - messy house. I'm forever cleaning anyway so you can imagine after a weekend full of kids 🙈
He has absolutely no intention of getting his own place! I can't help but feel a bit peed off! I actually dread weekends. I don't enjoy it. I feel like I'm being a cow but I find it all go with my own. We don't go out as he has his girls every week. His ex doesn't work and has a child free weekend every weekend. I just feel a little deflated and in desperate need of a little tlc!

He is giving his parents a break at your expense. Get rid seriously

Good for you for telling him how you feel. Its empowering to speak from the heart isnt it?

Now that youve had a few days break from him it has given you time to really see things as they are. And you can see that he isnt bringing anything positive to your life.

Good luck for the future!

Just watch out for that kindness especially around outwardly charming men who appear to offer loads but in reality give very little.

Great advice for everyone!

Well done Toots!
You are a sweet person, he sounds like he'd got it all figured out, he's a parasite.
Enjoy all of your weekends with your lovely girls, and remember, Mum's don't always know best.

I have felt like I could just do what I wanted this weekend without answering to anyone. Maybe I'm meant to be single

I have this every weekend - well every day! And we've been living together for 11 years. It is not about being single it is about being with someone who values and respects you.

Thankyou everyone
Mumsnet has truly been my best friend this week. Kept me company this weekend too

Go Toots!!!

I'm hoping someone will read this....
After we had 'the chat' he very childishly ignored me for a week then sent a text saying....
I will cut straight to the point. I'm not prepared to change childcare arrangements. If I have another day off that will be spent with you. He has a Friday off every 6 weeks. I explained that it's unfair coming to mine every weekend. He said that right make me feel like shit stating I don't have my own place. Long story short I tried to explain how I felt and he said I have one question are we over. Very very childish!
It's been a couple of days and he is putting comments on facebook. Today he has put something about wanting to curl up and die.
Do I ask if he's ok? He had a choice to comprimise but was adamant it was his way or the highway. He made me feel like I was awful and not acceptin his children. He said if yes 6 kids every weekend is hard but if love someone you 'get on with it'

END I T.....you are being used

He sounds childish indeed. Putting messages like that on Facebook so people will ask what's wrong and for you to see and feel bad. He is childish and no doubt needy and seems to have a very boring life. You are well rid. Do not respond!!!!

I have! He is putting things on facebook as he clearly is upset. Do I message him?

Lovely Toots, no love, let this one go.
You and your daughters deserve so much more, and it will come.
Just enjoy being together, get some normality back, and then take it from there.
Everything will be okay, no rush.

I won't respond on facebook. Just wondering if I should ask if he's ok? No?!

What Lunch said.

He is trying to guilt trip you. Not on at all.

Don't get sucked in OP.

Ok I will just leave it. Thankyou

Block him on Facebook. He's trying to get a rise out of you.

Please don't respond. He is showing his neediness now. How unattractive. Pease just delete him

I feel so mean deleting. Maybe I will deactivate for a little while. I just don't want to give him any reason to text/message me.

What a waste of time and space he is.

No. Don't ask if he's okay. He's seeking attention that's all.

I'm not prepared to change childcare arrangements.

What exactly does this mean? I'm not sure what he's trying to say. Is it that he insists on coming to see you every weekend with the kids? Why would he need to change childcare arrangements?

If I have another day off that will be spent with you.

So he'll come to your house no matter what? He's acting like a kid and you want to deal with a man.

He will only ever drag you down.

Reply to his question and say 'Yes. It's best all round if we end it, because you are unable to see my point of view'.

Don't ask if he's ok. He's a big boy and his parents can look after him if needs be. He is guilt tripping you and you will feel bad for a while but be strong as you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

You can hide his message feeds.

I do this with friends who post nonsense.

Block or unfriend and delete or whatever belt and braces you need to do. How manipulative of him. Make sure your Facebook settings are locked down too.

Don't weaken or look back at all Toots you've done exactly the right thing for you and for your DCs.

Just unfollow him. This way you won't see his pathetic posts on your newsfeed but he can still see yours.

He's been using you for food and free childcare, won't compromise, is now trying to manipulate you via Facebook and YOU feel mean?

So he says If you love someone you just 'get on with it'
He was coming round with his children and letting you alone get on with it. Sounds like you've made the right choice. I wouldn't react to guilt trips.