new guy and his 3 children.....

[toots321]

I was a single parent for 6 years before meeting someone. I went back to college and then onto do a degree whilst working and doing voluntary work. Being a single mum has been the hardest job ever!! Sooooo I have met a guy (who lives at home due to his relationship break down) who has 3 children all under the age of 8 (all lovely) who he has every weekend. My life is bonkers. Work/study/exams and 3 children myself without support from my ex. My week is full of school run/pack lunch/dance class/swimming lessons/cooking/cleaning/working/gardening/assignments/uni/and sleep! I seriously have no time to shave my arm pits (seriously not that hairy)
Anyway.....I have no clue why I'm posting. I just feel a bit annoyed. New guy works nights so he visits and eats tea at ours. On weekends he doesn't ask but kids do. Everyone comes to me....6 girls - all go - no peace - messy house. I'm forever cleaning anyway so you can imagine after a weekend full of kids 🙈
He has absolutely no intention of getting his own place! I can't help but feel a bit peed off! I actually dread weekends. I don't enjoy it. I feel like I'm being a cow but I find it all go with my own. We don't go out as he has his girls every week. His ex doesn't work and has a child free weekend every weekend. I just feel a little deflated and in desperate need of a little tlc!

Make a bargain with yourself? If ANYONE tries to make you feel bad for making a decision that benefits you and your family, dump them.

The words If you loved me.. need to be followed immediately with "Thanks, but no thanks"

He's dumped just for the FB posts alone. Unfriend him.

I'm furious too on the subject of your neglectful mother wanting you to suck it up and settle. She didn't value you, and wants you not to value you. Sod that! Sod her!!

He's had a weekend with his kids at his parents, and none of them like this, so he's now attempting to hook you in.

Forget what he wants.

Was last weekend better for you and your kids?

Yes, I bet it was.

Block, ignore, move on.

My spelling 🙈 I was rushing as I have so much to say ha!
I havnt responded. I will unfollow but as long as he's my friend he will assume I can see his posts so may even deactivate for a while.
I know I have done the right thing (although my mum doesn't ) so I will just ignore ignore ignore!

The phrase if you loved me, you'd is an automatic dealbreaker.

Cross post.....
thanks everyone, again!
wow hissy we crossed posted mentioning my mum. Thankyou!
Weekend was so lovely and chilled thankyou.
I know it's for the best I just didn't want to hurt him and his Facebook has thrown me a bit so needed to post and so grateful for all of your support. You all don't realise how much you have helped me the past week or so

He's not hurt. He's just sorry his nightly tea, weekend childcare and 'rewards' are no longer on offer.

Posting comments on Facebook to get attention is pathetic. Don't respond with any, 'what's up hun?' Just delete him. End of.

Put yourself first - you, your children, your home, your study, your work.

Don't let anybody hold you back. No matter how much your mother likes them. He might be a nice guy but he's not enhancing your life. Just making you feel exhausted, anxious and guilty.

Don't give him any more of your precious time and be free.

You've ended the relationship. He and his children are not your responsibility. Distance yourself. Stop caring - block or whatever people do on Facebook to not see the posts. And go off and enjoy your freedom!

You need to block him. Why should you deactivate and miss out on using something you enjoy? He's a total user! Makes £24k and still living at home for three years. 'I'm not prepared to change childcare arrangements.' That means you do as I say! And the wanting a sex reward for being understanding. WTAF? How can that not make your skin crawl?

He should feel totally embarrassed he's still mooching off his folks when he has 3 kids.

He's not a 'good dad' or a nice bloke. He's a needy, childish, manipulative, insecure, using chancer who threw the teddy out the pram the moment it wasn't going exactly his way and has the empathy of a starving stoat.

PLEASE block him.

Your mother is a piece of work. She sounds like the type we call Cock Before Kids on here. A woman who puts her man before her kids every time.

You should be proud of yourself that with her crummy example, you managed to stand on your own two feet and be such a good example to your girls.

Now you're showing them that you're not someone to be used by some guy.

What expat said times a million.

I dont have DC myself but if i was single i would think twice about dating a man with children.

Stepmothers are expected to do a hell of a lot more than stepfathers because society still dictates that woman = childcare.

"Weekend was so lovely and chilled'

Hold that thought,
his wasn't, tough.

Your priority is you and your kids.
His kids, his living with his parents is not your problem.

You are actually doing him a favour, he might, just might, be forced to grow up, man up and realise that his kids are his responsibility when he has access.

Just wanted to add to the rest that you have absolutely done the right thing. Long term this relationship would have dragged you down and you could have wasted years trying to get to this point. It wouldn't have got any better.

I also admire your strong boundaries and self esteem in that you know you and your family deserve better. Shame your mum was so quick for you to compromise.

You sound like a lovely mum and a great role model to your kids on how they shouldnt be taken for granted

Thankyou thankyou thankyou
Your support and kind words have really helped be again this evening

Oh god..... he has just text saying it's not my fault your girls don't go to their dad's on weekends. Maybe if they did then we would only have 3 kids (his) one weekend and 6 the next! Oh my god! Now I'm mad!
This is how I needed to feel.

Weekend was so lovely and chilled

That's priceless Toots.

No doubt he was stressed out and his kids were fed up (because he hasn't got the common sense to make an effort with them) but that's not your problem.

So you are his childcare arrangement? What a prat.

He must think he's God's gift to women, to assume that line would have you begging him or something.

I think he's made your decision so much easier actually. By his recent comments, you know that he's as much use as wellies made from sponge.

'he has just text saying it's not my fault your girls don't go to their dad's on weekends. Maybe if they did then we would only have 3 kids (his) one weekend and 6 the next! Oh my god! Now I'm mad!
This is how I needed to feel.'

WTAF?! Yeah, you should be feeling VERY pissed off right about now. He really sees you as childcare for his kids, tea, cleaning and cooking and a shag, too.

Don't even respond to this. JUST BLOCK HIM.

He's a total user. He's more self-absorbed and self-centred than my 7-year-old son who has Asperger's.

Of course, his parents have allowed him to mooch off them for 3 years.

So he actually thinks you should look after his children every weekend, and ship your own children off to their dads so you could focus on him and his kids instead every second weekend?

What an idiot.

I know I know I know!!!!
Deleted and blocked on WhatsApp.

Thanks everyone

Ignore, ignore and then ignore some more.

Don't reply to the text, block his number, he is just trying a bit of last ditch manipulation.

Bet your kids will be relieved, too. Must have been stressful for them, too, and seeing you all stressed out. Now you have your lives back. Relief!

Oh cross posted, sorry!
Well done on blocking the twat.

So it was ok for him to have his three children every weekend but not you . In your home!

Well done, op, you have done the right thing! Enjoy your lovely DC.

He is the ultimate cock lodger. What a piece of work.

Surprised he didn't suggested that if you shipped your kids off to their DF permanently you could have alone time while his DPs took care of his and then still only have 3 DCs on the weekend.

Well done for getting rid

So you need to get rid of your kids to look after his?!?!?!
You have dodged a bullet!