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[314dPiper]

Here we go!

Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

Yeh. But i wasted 7 weeks on Harry being an air brushed version of myself and i fitted in around msg and collided with the script that his dc were more important / that they be protected from my existence.... i also tolerated his suggestions and advice that i didnt want or need and it didnt turn me off him. I just felt bad.

ocelot on lap top now.

It's a different angle for me this book now. Before I've obsessed about attachment styles, abuse, how to deal with abusers... more trivial dating tips (which contribute to attracting/tolerating avoidants)

As it turns out I know some of the stuff in the book already which is good but I'll do it in manageable chunks and it won't depress me! If it's something I'm doing already I will just think, ''good, i got that already!"

Yeh, I was myself with Bear, but now I see, so what! , it doesn't count in this context, it wasn't a committed monogamous romantic relationship. he was a person I knew. But that's been useful too, in its own way.

It seems good for both of you 314 & Waving to step back from dating for a bit and find joy in being engaged in everything apart from men. Once I got out of the M fug I arranged so much fun stuff - still mainly music & tennis and w/ends away with friends/son - that it helped me stop thinking about M & actually its been quite difficult to fit CB in! This w/end away is the last thing pre-arranged - I can calm down a bit now(!) which is just as well as have to really get down to work...and not come up for air till xmas :(

Your current introspection is down to how these men treated you but it is not you. You don't have to be any different - it just needs to be a different man! I have reflected quite a lot on how different CB is to M - he ACCEPTS me as I am - I don't have to try to be anything else. Of course going through the M experience may come to be useful if this goes wrong... I have certainly reined in my expectations of men thanks to M!

I think MH is getting a bit bland! Surely both people should come to adore each other equally - but when does that kick in? If they adore you from the start surely that's love-bombing?

I think we have to accept that kids will be more important than new relationships until they go off to their independent adult lives by which time the relationship would have developed into something more significant. Though the never being allowed to meet them is a red flag! CB was rather the other way - keen for me to meet them asap. I guess this was to check we could get on & as his previous gf had refused meeting each others kids despite hers were in their 20s! Its still a bit of a minefield though - I'm acutely aware of all that his DD is having to take on in a short time - her DM in a relationship, the divorce then me - & I'm not sure how to handle it. Having had an evil stepmother myself helps me avoid some of the pitfalls...

Seems like a roundabout way of getting in touch with you again... How are you going to react?

Good plan to block mtg or delete him and his gf. What is he playing at linking with your sister!? Even if they're in the same field, it's trying to keep a connection going. So he and the mini gf have probably had a few rows by now, but back away. I definitely feel better now that msg's smug face is gone from my whatsapp conversations. And having blocked him, I'm not wondering if he'll ever send a message one saturday if he's lonely. He just can't.

Yeh, it's really important to me now to be valued I want that. MSG's certainty about me was a turn on but it was a certainty just based on, fresh flesh, new dates, nice hair, my worked out ass. His certainty was lust. He was certain he wanted to sleep with me. I want somebody who is certain that we'd be a good fit in all ways.

My parents' made me gravitate towards people who half wanted me in some way or another but I'm realising now that I am ready to be comfortable being adored. That might not be the dynamic in my household growing up, but now it's what I want!

Yes waving, I am not sure how long my step back from dating will last this time, but I'm on a re-charging gig right now. I am inspired by the thought of you getting about on your bike though! Let's go for a virtual cycle.
That sounds fabulous.

I'm off to buy interview trousers after work. But I'll be researching the qualification they want me to take, reading their mission statement, thinking about answers to the common questions etc.

ocelot better not change my screen name to notapoxriddenskank as this is mumsnet afterall and it'd be sure to offend but next time I raise a glass wherever I am, be it communion on Sunday or at my aunt's house, I'll be thinking '''yay, hooray, you're not a pox ridden skank, wrap your lips around that glass''.

Well, depends on how he has set up linkdin set up there is a high probability he has nothing to do with the request to your sister.
I suspect, the request was sent on his behalf I don't know he in fact had anything to do with it.
Regards bumble, I think his profile was inactive not deleted......I don't think hes trying to stay in contact both are coincidences.

Ah,I mean he did not send the request...those sites sends requests on your behalf all the time depending on how they are set up.

Morning all, I've no dating news, except that things with mr canceller totally smoothed over. I knew he'd be killing himself over that comment about rolling around in bed so I told him not to. Told him I have driving lessons and an interview on Monday so he knows I'll need another weekend by Monday evening though. I am not going to do anything I don't want to.

I'd die if linked in was sending out invites on my behalf to all the barristers and doctors I went to school with. "314 volunteered at meals on wheels, want to connect?'. For a long time I had nothing entered except one voluntary job. I thought I'd filled in a lot more but I wasn't successful saving it and when I viewed it and realised I had just one voluntary job, I hadn't the energy right there and then to input it all again, so I left it.

I've been compiling interview questions. I'm ruminating and marie-kondoing at the same time.

Time without kids nice, i need more of it, i feel so trapped sometimes. Instead of trying to give me money id love if my parents offered to take the kids one sat night a month.

I might suggest it to them.

Try and make it a thing.
A pattern.

The time to try and get that off the ground is when there is nobody in my life.

Did you go in a date with [name removed]?

Ikwym, Waving! I also chase the excitement. Mr Dangerous for example but can see right thro him as soon as i take a breath to think. Mr Tall may be a slow burner goer, or waste of time. Sending little 8 yr old boys off boarding does something to their emotional availability as grown men, I'd say (as voice of experience with an ex) so am a little wary. But Mr Intense wants exclusive so need to be honest with him, don't think i want to lose him over this..

Good article. The subtle early signs are interesting.

Yes, early sigbs v telking. Now realise my ex h ticked nearly all of them

Mine too. But there was nothing subtle about his abuse later on. By the time I was knocked up there was no pretence any more.