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[314dPiper]

Here we go!


Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

[TheVirginQueen]

Hi everybody.
I haven't told anybody in real life and I won't I don't think as I don't want to have to deal with others' expectations and disappointment , but I got a date for my driving test! Mid nov. I can fit in four more double lessons around the route. I hope I get it this time.

Hope you're well Dancing glad it's working out well with the new counsellor. It's sso important to get a good fit! Sure, I'm on my third driving instructor since August I think. A good fit is important.

[AnnaChronism]

I know exactly what you mean VQ.
A RL friend asked me for advice recently, in hindsight I realise that really she just wanted confirmation.
I'm sure you are fine, you just aren't telling your friend what she wants to hear!

[TheVirginQueen]

ocelot& I know, I think she thinks it was poor judgment on my part that lead to me going out with somebody who got whip lash from changing his mind after seven weeks, but really, it was not poor judgement on my part. He gave me every impression he wanted the same things, with me. My friend was giving me all these examples as proof of how different he was and I resisted the urge to say but sure MSG collected me from the airport, ironed my dress when he was frantically busy, said all the right things, bought a different brand of tea bags because i preferred them..... it doesn't mean they can't change their minds!!! I was giving that reminder quite gently too, as in, I am happy for her, but just reminding her that five weeks in, nobody can know how they themselves will feel in another five.... but my advice was defensively filed under ''The VQ" is burnt (and in pain and therefore her advice is distorted) but actually, I feel fine

[Mintychoc1]

And waving ?

[Mintychoc1]

I'm confused with the new names! Where is 314 ?

[ocelot7]

VQ it is much less painful to be advised by a friend to not get too invested too quickly but perhaps difficult to grasp if you haven't had the experience of what can happen?
I suppose I should be strangely grateful to M that him dropping me from a great height has made me super cautious with my heart - I still don't take anything for granted with CB and am not neglecting other friends/activities...

Meanwhile I;m wondering where the Wave-Dancer is...

[TheVirginQueen]

A friend has met some guy, they were talking on line for about three weeks before they met and I think they've met up, maybe three times. Not sure. They live an hour apart. Anyway, he is saying everything right, she's very keen, so I couldn't help it, I reminded my friend that everything started off wonderfully with MSG but she thinks/thought my advice was distorted, coming from a place of being 'burnt'. I set her straight that I'm not in any pain and I feel very optimistic right now, I'll meet some body better than MSG !! But I couldn't even say to my friend, words are easy, actions over time, that's what you can pin hopes for a future on. But I wasn't saying ''don't enjoy it right now!''.
Feel a bit burnt from trying to ADVISE!

Never give advice. Just listen and nod.

[HandyWoman]

I agree the dynamic with children adds such a very complex nuance to a relationship in circs where demands on each person'/ time are already huge.. Difficult enough finding a suitable guy, much less a suitable guy whose parenting and kids 'click' with yours and your life..

Twix and I get on great and he just fits really nicely among my kids. It's ridiculously fortunate. But the thought of mixing all that up and spending time all together is massive and won't happen for years.

People who successfully blend families have my utmost admiration... it's hard..

for gast

[TheVirginQueen]

It's so hard to make it all fit. MSG's kids only a bit younger than mine. I realise now, he was subconsciously resentful of the fact that my dc were healthy, doing well at school. His dc were overweight, bullied, with various SN, Aspergers, his son, and dyspraxia (his dd).

He never said it and I don't think he even realised it but there was this unspoken narrative (if that makes sense) that his kids needed support, protection from me, being such a malevolent presence , pandering too, working around, accommodating etc... but mine were like bichon-frisses to him, an inconvenience, not as worthy of thought, discussion etc. I can see that now with the distance of time. If I said anything about my son like him playing chess I sensed an irritation that my son could concentrate on a game of chess and his son couldn't.

[ocelot7]

Gast it was a dealbreaker from when you sensed he didn't like yr kids so better to get out before you get more involved
He was unsupportive as you mention so perhaps what you are missing is someone - not necessarily him specifically?

Gast I feel you need to be happy in yr life with yr kids, family, friends etc before introducing a man into it...maybe take some time to do interesting things & work out what you want

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

His were older, 15 & 19

[TheVirginQueen]

Poor you Gast. :-/

Did he have kids?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Well I've been going through a really stressful time and he showed absolutely no empathy. Once I told him I was really upset over the son, and he just said 'I don't know what to say' then told me he was going out, no 'are you ok', no phone call, nothing. It sounds really petty, but really it was a long series of things.

And I don't think he really liked my children which would have been a dealbreaker further down the line.

Miss him really badly at the moment though.

[HandyWoman]

Oooooh Matthew..... how interesting!

Shame about Mr RL date.

gast what happened?

[TheVirginQueen]

Well, I didn't feel any massive connection there, sorry folks I wanted to be able to say that meeting a friend of a friend (brother of a friend) was the answer. He was very nice, and I would like him as a friend. But although he was quite boyish for 50 he mentioned his various motorbike injuries a bit too often and I felt like he was self-absorbed. Not selfish. But just, needing praise perhaps. Nice guy, good craic in a crowd. Not for me. I actually thought of Mr Zombie Canceller because the pub I met Mr Real Life in was near where Mr Zombie and I had a digestif a few weeks back, and how I am looking forward to seeing him (in about ten days).
Met a fascinating man on the bus on the way home
He told me his name. Matthew. Just Matthew. But he asked very deep questions. Not like where do you work etc.. but how did that make you feel, and 'is that important to you?' type questions. I was trying to extract some information out of him and he wouldn't divulge. He got off at the same stop and we shook hands and said goodbye. He fascinated me.

[TheVirginQueen]

Oh no sorry to read that gast :-/

[ocelot7]

How imploded Gast ?
Endings are always sad but hopefully you have learned stuff from it which will make yr next relationship better :)

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

So my budding relationship has imploded. Feel really sad even though it was me that ended it.

[ocelot7]

Hope you have a lovely evening VQ and that yr mutual friend who knows you both is right :)
Meanwhile assume you are busy chilling/getting ready as I write...

[HandyWoman]

Ooh VQ you've a crazy long day ahead of you..

But a date! Yippee!! Have fun!

[TheVirginQueen]

I'm not having counselling! Probably could do with some psychotherapy for a couple of things but not having it atm.
I have a date tonight. Not an internet person. Fixed up by somebody who says ''I know you'll get on!''. This should be interesting. Today is going to be insane though. Getting up now at 6.25, I am about to have my first shower of the day. Teacher's meeting at 8 am. But I need to be at work by 8.50 at the latest so I will stand up and leave at 8.20 whether the meeting is finished or not. Have to.

[TheVirginQueen]

Hi all, Saturday at last! omg, there should be more Saturdays. so, if a date gets arranged (and I think it will!) we only made contact properly eventually yesterday, I will update you all. It was bad timing for both of us earlier in the week. I'm enjoying a lie in and a cup of tea in bed now.