Hello Waving and others. I just wanted to add another point of view from a very occasional poster and relationships lurker.
I had loads of good advice here many years ago when I was in a crappy relationship with my ex-H which helped me understand that I was in abusive relationship and helped me leave it.
Then when I felt nearly ready I eventually joined the dating thread and met DP online over 3 years ago (he was my first date - am one of those rare creatures). We're still together now and very happy. There are still problems that crop up from time to time (mostly my issues). And I find reading other people's posts really helpful with getting my thoughts in order and often hearing another perspective on things.
I have lurked on the OLD thread on and off over the years (I still miss it from when I was on there!) and have followed some of your experiences. I wanted to say that I think you are all incredibly brave for baring your souls online in the way that you have, particularly on this thread. And I disagree with the previous poster who told you to pull your socks up. Yes, in the past people didn't have places like this to talk to other people about their experiences. And they may just have just got on with things and moved on. But do you know, I think the same people often didn't really deal with things (talking from past experience). And ended up repeating patterns and getting into more dodgy relationships. Precisely because they didn't analyse and work out why they'd been in bad relationships in the past.
Like many of you, I come from a more than slightly dysfunctional family, and have been in more than one abusive relationship. Without all the soul searching I've done over the last few years and a fair bit of counselling, I'd likely have found myself in another unsatisfactory relationship without understanding why - or would be too scared to go out with anyone ever again.
As it is, my DP is the kindest loveliest man I could ever have imagined. Any problems we come across I can talk to him about. Without doing the work on myself before I wouldn't have believed that I deserved to be in a relationship with someone like him. And I wouldn't have thought I was good enough for him.
I am still a work in progress though and I have learnt a lot from reading your posts. Don't let one or two people's reactions (am still not sure whey they would bother to read your posts let alone bother posting here) put you off all the good work. There are some of us who really do appreciate the way you have shared your thoughts - which are so different to most of my friends' who never really 'got' my experiences. I for one admire your honesty and bravery!