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[314dPiper]

Here we go!

Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

Waving if these threads are helping you to get through your split with your ex then keep posting. It has only been 5-6 weeks since you broke up with him so it is still going to sting and if these boards are a place where you can offload and feel a little better so be it.

I wouldn't read too much into mtg contacting your sister. He's being a dick and by sending him a text etc you're playing straight into his hands. He knows what he's doing, he knew your sister would tell you and he sat back and waited for your response. And respond you did.

You say you want him back but imagine that for a second. If he came back it wouldn't be happy ever after. It would be a brief fix for the addiction you have to him. Very soon after a reconciliation you'd doubt everything he said, wouldn't believe him if he told you he loved you, would wonder if he was still seeing/speaking with the ex...etc. It would be hell. It wouldn't take away how you feel now, it would be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

It sounds like you're just stuck in a rut of thinking about him and somehow need to break it. It's not love, it's pure addiction. Stick to nc with mtg as nothing good can ever come from him now and by messaging him you're just delaying your healing process as it keeps everything fresh in your mind and subconsciously you'll just wait for his reply.

You can do it waving you've just got to go cold turkey.

Well, being brave enough to expose your vulnerabilities in an authentic way, even on a thread is strength not weakness according to Brene Brown.

Others drive-by reading this thread might think it's pathetic and weak that we have a goal to be happy in a settled relationship, but it's hardly a sentiment that would have our brains examined under a microscope after our deaths.

I am more cautious being so authentic in real life. I wouldn't go round announcing that I would really like to meet somebody or that I wouldn't want to head towards old age on my own! Posting here has helped me see that it's not a shameful or a pathetic weakness to want to connect or to want stability, respect etc..

Right, gotta go and clean up and shop and exercise. Have to cook lunch for 6 tomorrow.

Don't worry 314, still here, just busy with the children.

My point, maybe poorly made, is about perspective. This was a short term relationship, we've all had them and all been heartbroken, but the level of angst and analysis on this thread is not proportional. Writing the same thing over and over again is not learning.

This is not envy of a supportive thread, these boards are wonderful for support, but some threads prolong the misery and enable people to wallow in their sadness when they would benefit most by looking forwards, not backwards. In my 'low EQ' opinion, this is one of those threads.

And surely the purpose of these public threads is to get different perspectives, or do you just want an echo chamber with no dissenting voices 314? Strange that this thread seems to be missing most/all of the well known posters. Wonder why....

Waving, good luck sorting out your issue at work, sorry for making an assumption. And good that you don't want him back, keep that thought every time you think about him

Drive-by posters is a good term for them 314 I only hope that by posting spitefully on MN it saves some people in their RL from their 'insights'...although I wonder if they have much RL if they have time for posting on threads which annoy them so much...and Succ didn't even seem to grasp that this is only a very few weeks for Waving! OMG just as well she/he didn't chance upon the threads during my epic 6 month wallow! You have moved on so much better than I did :) Give your head a wobble FFS?! Its just so easy for some people isn't it?

I see what you mean about widows 314 My immovable hatred of the Tories stems from their rhetoric about single mothers being responsible for all the evils in society when DS was small. I will NEVER forget that or forgive them

PS Succ this thread is doing just fine without all the 'well known' posters! It was really intended for a known group of posters which is how it is mostly functioning

And actually repetition is an important part of much learning! It takes how long it takes - we are not all you.

Succulent, if you think you can judge what level of anxiety is proportionate to feelings that you didn't feel then that is a blind spot. Anyway, the fact that you can reduce our many topics to mere 'angst' is dismissive and unfair and it proves that you haven't read both threads, or if you have, you're a different type of character and that's fine but not everybody deals with things by buttoning up and swallowing back down. Whatever works for you, keep doing it. Allow us the same courtesy.

Bottom line. These threads are helpful to us. If they weren't helpful we'd stop stop posting. I'm not going through any 'angst' right now, so there are different perspectives here. I'll be ready and brave enough to take a risk again in the future and get back out there and knowing that these women are here to run my thoughts past helps me be brave enough to take that risk.

It'd be easier to stay in my crap job and stay single and not bother to learn to drive. Taking risks is not wallowing and it's not angst. Wisdom from people who get this is invaluable.

ocelot I get that. That's a whole other thread!

Brava 314 You said it so much more calmly than me :) I was a bit cross

As for the absence of well-known posters lol, that hadn't occurred to me. We're not out there with our with our flags trying to marshal them in. On the contrary, as succulent's post illustrates they're more interested than I'd like. (But I understand it's a public board, can't stop people from posting etc)

waving Bon Courage with your son's bedroom! My friend posted a picture of her son's bedroom a while ago. Her fb friends were shocked and posted funny comments but "'that's nothing'" was all I could think. I think my son has some sort of hoarding syndrome. I'd have to check first with him if it was ok to throw out a satsuma from his stocking in 2014? was he committed to hanging on to it?

Waving, you are indeed doing well in such a short space of time and will do even better as long as you can stay away from MTG. If these threads are helping you heal then I think you should keep posting.

I am yet to start dating as I only left my exh two months ago and I'm still healing and so far can't find anyone worth dating (or shagging ).

I have found some of the affirmation videos very helpful on YouTube. Well worth looking at if you're having a down moment. Wishing you all the best in your healing. It's a difficult process but you will come through provided you stay on the right track.

I know what you mean about the hierarchy when it comes to being upset about things.

If someone was still unhappy 6 weeks after a miscarriage, would anyone dare to tell them to move on and stop moaning?

These guest posters don't seem to realise it goes so much deeper than being sad about losing another individual. It's about loss of hope, questioning judgement, feeling foolish, being humiliated, feeling like a failure, wondering if we're destined to have failed relationships because we're making mistakes without even realising.

And telling someone to move in and stop thinking about it is about the most pointless piece of advice it's possible to give. As if anyone actually enjoys being miserable!!

Yes mintychoc1 so true. All of that.

Total bollocks Minty

Of course there is going to be some hierarchy of grief, ridiculous to say there's not. It's called perspective, which appears to be lacking here.

Comparing a miscarriage to an unpleasant end of a short term relationship is fucking offensive.

Most people, myself included, have been thorough exactly the same thing that Waving is going through, and multiple times. It's shit when relationships break down, and I've done the pity party too, but it's part of life.

I'm embarrassed when i look back at how much time and emotion I wasted on broken relationships that lasted for 5 minutes & didn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things, even though it hurt like fuck at the time. I would put money on it that Waving will feel the same in a year's time when she looks back at this.

Waving, you said this morning that you would take him back. How were you even entertaining this after the cheating and lying, & him being the unpleasant, narcissistic failure you describe him to be.

My point is not to stop feeling miserable, that takes time, but to stop the analysis and naval gazing about what has happened that you can't change, is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and look forward.

I'll duck out now, a 'guest' is clearly not welcome in this echo chamber, but Waving, I do wish you all the very best & hope you find peace and happiness once you get over this waste of space idiot.

succulent I'm glad you've decided to go away, because nothing you said was remotely helpful. However if you are still reading, I disagree with your statement that my comparison between break-ups and miscarriages was "fucking offensive" (classy language by the way). I have been through several of both, and the pain can feel comparable.

Waving please don't feel you haven't to justify yourself to anyone on here. If it is helping you to offload on this thread, then I don't understand why anyone else should have a problem with that.

I remain baffled at why some people are so drawn to this thread, with the sole purpose of telling you to get over it!

Hi, just back from a 10k (mostly walked it but it burnt off 530 cals which I'm happy about ) Parents for lunch today. Bit of a trial. They were trying to give helpful job-hunting advice but they know nothing about anything sorry and then my Mum did this repressed smirk face when I said that I'd been listening to motivational and positive thinking overnight hypnosis sessions. It's helping me, why sneer!? So I was glad when they left. Put on the running gear and got out to burn off the vegan lunch. That met their approval I think.

Oh boy, I see we had a 'guest' again. I'm actually afraid to scroll back and read it. It'll just piss me off. It beggars belief that somebody can come in and say 'you don't know me but although you find chatting to each other supportive, you're wrong, and you should respect my view''.
Nowt so strange as folk with low EQs