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[314dPiper]

Here we go!

Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

Oh that sounds good. I think a second date with a decent interval gives you time to think.

I'm trying to do some of the ken page exercises and it is just impossible because he asks you to think back to times when you felt inspired, loved, fed, in a relationship and it can't be a time when the person was unavailable or if they broke your heart. And I cannot think of a single person / relationship that left me feeling inspired and fed. [shocked]

Apart from the definite nos from a first date (& I've had lots of those!) Its worth meeting the maybes again - you know someone so little after one meeting that its still speculation - or lust! Which doesn't usually lead to happy ever after though can be fun :)

I'm that way too 314 thinking back which is why I'd never get into those exercises!

Yes, concentrate on yourself. No idea about strava. Even if he could see your whereabouts he'd have to have the app open and be awake looking at it to know you were approaching? (no experience of strava)

Yes waving and ocelot how can I draw on the positive feelings that previously nourishing inspiring relationships gave me when all of my relationships have left me feeling nervous. Nervous I can't please them, nervous they're going to get angry (x) Nervous I can't hold their interest! Well, I have lost those fears now as I'd never date anybody who couldn't control their temper, and after a series of fickle men losing interest in me I know I was/am fine. So my fears are different now.
I'll continue on with the book though because perhaps I can benefit from parts of it anyway.

I had work issues yesterday. Some of the people I work with although civil and friendly to me (atm) have become so bitchy and mean about a couple of other women that I had to stand up and leave the tea room yesterday. Just casually, they didn't see it as protest, just me wandering out, but omg, with all my positive thinking I couldn't bear it. There's a gang of four of us who'd usually sit in the tea room a lot on Friday, boss works from home on Friday, that old chesnut sez waving :-p With all my positive thinking I can't bear to be around such mean-spirited talk. I have to get out of that place. Two of the bitches are men btw. Whoever said men aren't bitchy needs to meet these two.

Lost whole message :(

Yes wasn't sure about CB but liked his honesty - talking about his kids without rosetinted specs - & there was a moment when I was leaving when I thought I could fancy him... in his first date nervousness he said "I'll be in touch" aka 'when I've interviewed the other candidates'(!) We've laughed about that since :) Actually it took several dates but something made me persevere. ..

Interesting Ocelot, was it the easy rapport that made you persevere.

Trying to figure out if I should just announce to zombie that we'd be better as friends given that I am not certain I want to rip off his clothes. But then on the other hand, I get on so easily with him and he's funny and clever and I'm very reluctant to say 'never'.

I don't know if that's true, the whole 'bam' - know immediately thing. I found MSG a bit goofy looking the first time I saw him. I probably thought Canceller was more conventionally attractive, 1 date in. But roll forward a few dates and how confident, tactile, flirtatious other people dare to be, as well as how well you bounce off each other, that all plays a huge part. Their confidence/pace handling an attraction for you... and if they seem to 'bloom' knowing you are attracted to them (or like canceller, act awkwardly)

Realise this is bad form & I'll be called a hater or whatever but having read this and the previous bonkers thread I feel drawn to join in the madness.

Waving, forget about your ex. Delete/block/avoid/whatever. You've spent most of this & the previous thread trying to convince yourself what a twat he is, saying he's a narcissist (which apparently is the case with any person who's had the nerve to dump someone on MN) you didn't really like him at the start, he's a bad kisser, he hasn't achieved anything within his life, is a sad old man with a young girlfriend etc etc

And in spite of all this, you'd clearly take him back. Give your head a wobble, forget him and move on, he is not worth another second of your thoughts.

This is the problem with 'supportive' forums. 20 years ago if you got dumped after a short relationship (& that's all it was) you'd lick your wounds for a bit, have a moan & get sympathy from your friends for a few weeks, and then move on. You might still feel down about it, but you'd have the good sense to keep it to yourself, not keep going on about it you to your friends as they'd tell you to stop boring them about it, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get some perspective & move on. You'd then start the healing process.

However these days you can jump on forums that allow you to continually over analyse every single detail with likeminded souls who are also wallowing over non relationships, & no one moves on. It's constantly picking at a scab & it stops the healing process. How is this helping?

So stop wallowing and look forward.

Focus on you & your kids first. This should be your priority.

Focus on your job - if your performance has dipped because you're heartbroken over splitting up with a short term boyfriend, your perspective is all messed up. You were together 5 mins (& by all accounts, you were the rebound), you didn't have kids, didn't live together, put this into perspective.

Stop dating. You've said repeatedly you are going to stop until you sort yourself out, yet you appear to be on a date every other night. Hide your profile on all your dating accounts until you're properly ready to start dating again. And that's going to take time.

Stop drinking. It makes you miserable and is not helping with your mental health, your sleep or your job.

Stop jogging past his house. This is not about letting him win, change your route until your infatuation passes.

Get therapy/counselling or whatever, but don't talk about getting it, go and do it.

Do not contact him again.

waving tbh, when msg was kissing me at the end of date 1 I was thinking ''oh, i'm rolling with this am I, well, i guess kissing him not rejecting him keeps my options open'' and then he cast some sort of spell on me and before I knew where I was he'd ''glamoured' me like a vampire and I couldn't resist him.

Really have a sense of having come to my senses again. I'd see him clearly again now. How/why was I upset when he stopped responding to my texts? There was nothing to him. No depth.

Well, that was all superfluous in the extreme.

Some people are so ignorant! They see a snap shot of something they don't get and aren't in a place to relate to, build an assumption around it and then tell you what you already know as if it were some piece of new insight!

And she's gone. Drive by, roll down the window, vomit, and drive off again.

On another note, I've just applied for a job, on Saturday morning.

I know, it's weird isn't it, why this thread, why does this thread garner so much disapproval!? The whole of mumsnet and many other fora too would grind to a screeching halt if people just clicked their fingers and put all of their thoughts to the back of their mind. That's the problem with it being so public

The drive-by posters are just wrong. It does help to share. Writing things down is well known to help people see things clearly. We're all learning learning not wallowing. That is their big misunderstanding borne out of skim-reading and low EQ.

It is a journey and it's not as though you haven't moved along. I know I've learnt a lot about myself dating this last year and some may see that as self-indulgent but I value myself I believe it will lead to a better choice/ending.

[bicycle]
[extension]
[new job]
[jogging like a boss]

Wow! good news about the new au pair!

I'm not getting an extension but who knows!? After I get a better job and a car that could be a possibility! I'm lucky and I know it that I've no mortgage. So if I got a better job I could get an extension out the back. Wow. Man shman. Extension {licks lips}

I'm embarrassed to admit it but nearly a decade ago I was jealous of widows, the support they got, the fact that they were perceived to be so respectable in the way that single mothers weren't. I didn't go on to a thread for widows telling them to cop on, but I did mention on my own thread that I found it hard how society allowed feelings according to a hierarchy of respectability and I was pasted for it. PASTED. Lambasted. And it was ill-judged. But it's an insight. I think some people if they're struggling with something, anything, feel resentful looking at a supportive group.