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[314dPiper]

Here we go!

Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

They told me they won't let me know until the end of next week. That must mean that they're interviewing maybe two or three people a day over three weeks? wow. The competition is demoralising.

My house is a tip too right now and normally i'm tidy. I did 6w6p and now I'm having a beer. Between the two, I'll end up relaxed! I haven't touched a drop since I went out with zombie 10 days ago. I've decided to start calling him that.

I know that that male poster will think I was hard on him but I could just see that one playing out better for him than for the woman he's dating.

Thanks, I do hope I'm not really up against 29 other candidates.

Yeh, I'm sure that MSG felt rejuvenated and confident after his 'fling' with me. He enjoyed it for precisely how long he enjoyed it and then he bailed, and within days amended his intention on POF to 'nothing serious'. I wish he'd done that before got to know him.

I'm a bit Peed off that that great yoga class I went to before the summer, now she's changed it to Wednesday during the day. They're mostly older ladies or yummy mummies so I think I'm the only one who cares. In fact the others probably have to get their husbands' dinner so maybe they all voted for the day.

I always plan to do house stuff in the evening but when it gets to it I'm either too knackered from work or go out! Couldn't you incentivise/bribe the kids to do stuff towards it too?

314 you were no tougher than me & I agreed with you. It IS a problem if in order to get over yr own hurt you hurt someone else

Sorry about the yoga - if she's so good maybe she does classes every other evening & there;s one not too far away?

ocelot I'll ask her if she will do a class in the evening too. But either way, I'll keep doing a bit of yoga on my own.

My kids are mess-making fridge-emptiers who cannot be bought. My son's room is like three or four homeless winos living under a bridge all emptied their trolleys on to his bedroom floor. My daughter's room is like a shrine but she doesn't extend that high standard to the rest of the house. She took to the marie kondo method with gusto! There's not too much in there but what is in there sparks joy and is alphabetised.

Mess-making fridge-emptiers lol

But most teenagers are like that - then they leave home & discover their inner housekeeper & make you take yr shoes off & leave them by the door when you visit...in contrast to the mud & mess they trailed through the house when they lived at home

Oh God, Waving can relate to much of that - narcissistic mother/sister, realise previous exes also and struck by what you read idolize/devalue/discard... Need jy counsellor now! At least we're aware. Hope your run helps, i find it a great outlet.

Thst is freaky! Does he wait for you or something? God...

Yes, the idealise, devalue, discard, it played out quicker but it's what msg did to me. If it happens to me again, well, I'll be v wary that somebody who doesn't know me well idealises me. That's a privilege that comes to knows who take the time to get to know me I'll try and recognise it for what it is and check out myself before the devalue stage. It played out v quickly with msg but that's what it feels like now looking back on it.

Waving, glad to hear you owned your route. I think you're right.. standing at his window like that, he needs a reaction of some sort. Smiling shows strength though, so probably not a reaction that feeds his ego. I wonder if he'll be there tomorrow.

The idealise, devalue, discard also sums up what M did to me :(

Waving can you engage yr older kids with doing eg some tidying in the house? Its motivating when there is more than one of you doing it - & maintaining it too :)

I think this happens when one parent tries to replace/be 2 parents for the children to feel there has been no change. CB does everything for his kids too as well as working v.long hours - having previously had a SAHW.

And of course teenagers are capable of being horrid to their parents (the test is if they are nice to other people its going to work out fine)

Call a truce & explain to them that in a household of 7/8 people it doesn't function if 6 of them contribute nothing (except eating!) You could make this a bit more diplomatic...Think of age appropriate daily tasks eg setting table, filling/emptying dishwasher, taking out rubbish/sorting recycling, adding things onto shopping list when they run out, putting own clothes away (& out for washing), 10 minute 'put everything away' game etc And assign them... Maybe some sort of rewards system eg pizza/movie night to look forward to...

I would always come down very hard on any hint of meanness!
Sounds like you need to get her on her own & find out whats behind it then be assertive. You are the bigger person & the grown up :)

MTG is a thoughtless ass...Does he trust that yr sister's sister is well too?! He has no right to a connection with you without a fulsome apology...and even then no right...but up to you if you allow it

Maybe take DD1 out for a coffee & a chat which might go better in a public place? Assuming the au pair has come back!

I hope yr sister said something forthright in response to his inanity?!
You have come on so far in such a short time the way you are handling him :)

Hugs
And later

Commiserations with the entitled kids waving mine are like that too.

All I can suggest is putting the modem in the shed. Let them have their stops and their withdrawal and then talk about chores. Having typed that though I'm not brave enough to have done the same thing, yet.

As for MTG, wow, he really wants to maintain a link......... he doesn't like that you've taken control by deleting and blocking.

I remember when DS was little & asked me how much I earned - his idea being that we split the money equally and I spend mine on food, electricity etc and he spend his 'share' on toys...

All kids are happy to be entitled :) Just wondering 314 & Waving if yr kids would respond to a review of the hours worked(or at school)/chores/leisure time comparison between you & them - as well as you being the only one earning! So they would be making it a bit more fair by doing a little something around the house & hopefully have gained a new insight & respect into what you do for them