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[314dPiper]

Here we go!

Let the wisdom commence
The universe is in our favour!

Date sounds worth it if it was fun! Remember I went out with 'Baby'? 165cm if that, age 29, a chess playing cricketer? we had a laugh. But never again. And the thoughts of introducing him to anybody in my laugh makes me giggle. (he giggled a lot on our 'date')

waving if you ever run in to MTG on your route, I'd just say something like ''you're still here? you still live here?''. Act all imperious like he's wandered on to your turf. Which he DID. You own a house where he had a short term rental lease is that right? Em hello, You're the bigger dog.

I empathise about the criticism at work Waving :( At the time it seemed unbelievable that more pressure could be heaped on me but obv they didn't know what else I was dealing with (although viper boss did - in outline). Anyway - as you continue to recover yr work will continue to get better so it will be fine :)

FWIW I think you should continue to run yr route past his flat - because the running options are worse & its yr patch of town - just DO NOT look at his flat in any way. Ignore him like he isn't there.

I expect to see M at a gig in mid October (if not before - going to gig at his & my favourite venue with CB this week ) and am expecting to be completely unconcerned & able to smile briefly then ignore... :)

When CB was being scarily keen at the beginning & I felt panicked it did make me think of M & if he thought I did that to him (though I was responding to his lead whereas I had given CB NO encouragement) so I was determined not to run away as M had from me... when I think of him saying stuff like it was hurting him too & that he couldn't stand being out of control of his emotions, I'm much less understanding now - quite cross actually!

omg, sorry, missed that. He was standing at his window!

Argh. I can understand your wobble. Seeing somebody who was once really close and now is just a stranger standing at his window. But hopefully it was equally weird for him. I think it sends a good message to him and to your universe to 'own' your route.

Three months in from my split with my wife -- I am in a lovely but casual relationship with someone I knew vaguely (a mum from the school playground). It began as coffee/chat and commiseration about separation (she split from her husband several years ago) and progressed from there. She's much further on in the post-divorce process than me, and I can feel that she would be happy for things between us to move faster than they are, but to her credit she's not rushing things as she understands the emotional place I am in. She has kids, as do I, so there is negotiation around when and how we 'come out' as a couple. But for now, the companionship, support, intimacy and (yes) sex are all quite lovely.

Yes it takes the pressure off doesn't it - knowing you're not suited!

I am picking all these suitable men (older, with kids etc) because I'm hoping that means it will work out, lead somewhere.

Maybe I should just date 'Babys' because it was at least FUN.

lol at right wing city boy. tbh, H was like that. V right wing. Like an Irish man whose idol was Margaret Thatcher and more than once he managed to slip the words 'my taxes' in to a sentence! But still, he was honest. And he did earn a shit load.

MSG was the polar opposite of me too. Hated everything that's important to me. Growth. Thinking. Health. Doing nothing. WHY did I bother !!!!

Maybe the next time I go on a date it will be with a 32 year old. Why do I date all these 'suitable' older men when it never works out!?

allovertheplace

So does your wife also vaguely know this woman from the playground?

Three months huh!?

That'll be a punch in the gut for your wife when she finds out that a lot of people you knew mutually through your children know that you are the one already dating, and whom you are dating.

All Further to 314 comment - my first thought is this is ridiculously soon...
Especially as 3 months post split you are already thinking about coming out as a couple? Just how soon after yr split did this start?!
And that you are in a casual relationship which suits you whereas you know she wants more? And 'to her credit'(!) she is putting yr needs first?!! Do you understand equally the emotional place she is in?

Interesting comments, folks, and all certainly stuff that is very much at the forefront of my mind.

Waving - know exactly what you mean about discomfort of crossing paths, agree with others you should 'own' the route though. Am currentky trying NOT to cross paths accidentally w MrEligible, different but close schvruns, just cant handle it.

Mr Dangerous popped up again... Should really say polite no thanks.. But unfinished business and he's gorgeous but so confusing - is it different cultural norms or v different perspectives? Or he's playing me..plus we may overlap in s different context so may be unwise to get involved . But he's super bright, intriguing.. And hot! Poss too much to handle!

Feel weird having more than 1 connection, 21st century dating, hey? Mr Eligible oldfashioned though so all or nothing i think.

Yeh, Waving, I'm not really strong enough for the fwb thing. If you picture this venn diagram, a 'set' of people I like enough and am comfortable enough to sleep with and a set of people I don't care if they sleep with other people and I don't care if they don't care deeply about me.

NO OVERLAP.

So that's fwb out.

Ken Page just put something very well. And I thought of MSG and how ridiculous that whole 7 weeks was. The things that inspire me made little or no impact on him. (Desire for growth, introspection, reflection, quest for physical fitness, eating well, yoga/spirituality, understanding other people's motivations, leaving a positive footprint on earth and a positive ripple outward generally) none of this impacted on him even slightly. He dismissed it all with a wave of his hand.

This helps. I want to read more later. I have to go now.

allover my advice would be don't come out as a couple because I can almost predict this one.

You'll come out as a couple which will make you realise that it's REALLY happening. You really are back in one half of a couple again, already.
And she'll feel happy and relax in to it thinking 'oh he's finally made up his mind, and he's certain enough about me to publicly come out'. She'll be feeling secure then as you panic and rip the rug from under her and with countless mutual acquaintances you will humiliate her and make her look like a desperate single woman who moved in on a passing man the second he was single. The irony is you will leave HER looking like a predator even though she is the one, as you acknowledge she is putting your needs first.

I hope she knows this deeeeeep down and hasn't told people about you.

Guinness.

Blimey. I guess this is an example of the limitations of a site like this. Nothing in your description resembles anything remotely within the world of this situation. Still, good to keep in mind, I suppose.

What?
Im going by what you have told us.
So the limitations of this site are no different from the "limitations" of any other site.

I have been the nearly only single mother at the school gates and i know how this would be perceived by your mutual acquaintances and who will come out of it looking bad and feeling hurt. Because as you told us, she's ready andd u r not.

This is what you told us.

Sorry i was assuming you, your wife and yr new gf all have mutual acquaintances with children who know your children. I was also assuming your wife would mind that you're dating somebody she knows!

And i was assuming that your new gf would feel embarrassed that there were witnesses to being hurt by a man whose needs she put before her own.

Sincere apologies.

All looks to me like you got what you came for - a variety of (women's as it turns out) perspectives on yr situation of which we only have the vaguest outline.
For myself, I'm still dubious about yr speed after a marriage long enough to have produced kids. Are you really ready for any sort of relationship or is it you like the attention & sex? Sorry to be blunt but I've seen this so many times! Hence why I wouldn't go for recently separated men. Possible scenario is that yr new GF helps you get over yr marriage as a transition object then you're ready to move onto a proper relationship & she gets hurt :( Not to mention the children...

Am realising am notvreally fit, properly myself . Guess deoends but recognise am clutching at ego boosting element rather than being properly 'sorted' as not hadxtime, been 5 months. Otoh, sometimes it IS worth seizing opportunities as timing never perfect..All is doing that by the sounds of it, not ideal on his doorstep as it were butvthat so often happens. Am kind of the other way round, am v quietly seeing MrE, v early days, no idea where it's going, probably a transition thing, kids are at different schools and both our exes already shacked up before we did, kids and everyone else kept out of it (for now( as not at sch gate but still quite a contained community (not a village)
Just saying as life happens!

I think men have a tendency to enjoy the newness of a situation then there comes a point when they become aware of the implied commitment of having lasted 3 months and then they need to do a u-turn to get their freedom back.