Dh is leaving me - bolt out of the blue

[aleC4]

That's it really. We celebrated 15 years married 2 weeks ago. I thought we had a happy marriage. I still love him the same as I did when we met but apparently he doesn't feel the same anymore. He thinks the works of me as a mate but the spark is gone and he no longer loves me.
We have just come back from a week's holiday and had lots of fun but apparently it was just like friends and he can't pretend anymore.
I feel utterly gutted and am so so sad for my children that they are going to have to go through this. I can't think straight at the moment, I just feel sick.
He wants to tell them tomorrow and move out to his dad's round the corner. It is going to destroy my beautiful children.

Been following this thread, so many wise and supportive posts, mumsnet at its best.

Op, think you are doing so well.

Fingers crossed for you on the mortgage. You deserve a bit of good news. You are doing amazingly well x

Thank you. Not heard anything yet. He said I should hear Thursday or Friday. I'm finding it really hard to stay optimistic about this.

Fingers crossed op

Have you suggested couples counselling? This might just help save your marriage as you will both be able to talk openly about your feelings? Hope thing work out

I did at the beginning user. He was not interested and said he had been trying for ages to sort it in his head. Unfortunately he didn't share with me how he was feeling so we couldn't work on it together. By the time he told me it was already too late in his mind.
To be honest I am past that now. I don't want to save my marriage any more. 😟
If he came back today and said he had made a terrible mistake I would not have him back. Me and the dc have bren through e Pugh and are just starting to make out new routine and new life. The trust is gone and I genuinely have very little if any feelings for him now. I look at him and feel nothing but anger and a bit of pity perhaps.

I got my decision in principle!!!!

Been watching this and rooting for you, congrats.

'Have you suggested couples counselling? This might just help save your marriage as you will both be able to talk openly about your feelings? '

Who would want to save anything with a person who did this to his wife and family? Too much of a coward to show them any respect and say, 'Hey, something's wrong here.'

Good for you.

I still think he has someone else and there will soon a 'new' girlfriend.

Yes!! Good news Alec

Good news aleC4 ☺

Not sure what that emoticon is - I chose a smiley face!

Great stuff OP. You can breathe out now !

Step one - tick!
I have the mortgage advisor coming to see me on Wednesday and then they put in the full application.
It's so close!

Alec - I have been following this thread from day one. I have to say I truly think you are awesome. You have handled your very difficult and stressful situation magnificently. If your husband was my son (I have three adult sons) I would be so thoroughly ashamed of him and of the way he has treated his lovely family so shamefully. You may not think it at times Alec but you have shown us all how dignified and caring you are as well as being such a supportive mum to your children. You and your children just do not deserve to be treated so carelessly by your husband and I am very pleased to see that you no longer would consider taking him back - you are worth so very much more. Please listen to what others say about divorce and financial settlements etc. We all wish you the very best for your future. I have no doubt whatsoever that when the time comes - when you are ready to move on - you will find a partner who truly deserves you and your children. I know that one day ( please let it be soon!) your husband will wake up and realise what he has done to you and his children. He did not "lose" you - he threw what he had - a loving, supportive wife and family away. This will be his time to feel crushed. Wait until he has to financially support his family through court order whilst perhaps juggling another family and their costs. He will then realise what he has done. He still has to face the fact that one day he will have to explain to his children why he put you all through shock and anger as well as unnecessary stress. A daughter good friend of mine was told by her husband on a Christmas morning - as they arrived with their two small boys for Christmas lunch (!) - that he was leaving her there and then. Complete shock and utterly "out of the blue". Ten months later - just as the wife and children were getting themselves sorted out her (still then) husband knocked on the door. When she opened the door he was standing on the step with two suitcases (all his worldly goods) and actually said " I am ready to come home now" and started to walk in. The door was very silently and wordlessly closed in his face. I am not suggesting at all that you will want to meet anyone yet/at all but be ready for when your husband realises he has made a big mistake. He is gutless - he did not even give you the chance to talk things over preferring to run away. Great news about the mortgage in principle. Fingers tightly crossed for the best ever news next week. Stay strong Alec you are amazing!

Great news about the mortgage in principle. Be careful making any rash decision about moving. Be strong and keep smiling! You sound like a sparkly person, good things will come x

Thank you dodie that was a really lovely post.
I feel like I have a spring in my step this weekend. I know nothing is definitely sorted house wise but it feels for the first time as though I might actually be able to get what I want.
I know some of my family think I should move from this house and leave all the memories behind but I know what I want.
The dc don't want to move. They have had enough upset and change already and they are my number one priority.
Secondly I would not be able to buy a house as big as this with the mortgage I can get so we would have less space.
And thirdly I honestly don't associate this house with him or us. It is my home now. Mine and my children's. I have already made a few tiny, inexpensive changes and in the future I can do what I want.
Ultimately we are all happy here at the moment and that is what matters. When the house is mine I will still have the option to sell in the future if I want.

A beacon of light on the horizon aleC4. One foot in front of the other. You're doing so well .

Good news reports the mortgage

So exh told the dc that now we are not together any more he has started being in a couple with the ow I had my suspicions about.
So that's that.

Oh my god! I'm so sorry to hear that! Be strong x

Aw op what an utter shit, you did suspect, I always think karma comes eventfully and there relationship is built on lies and mistrust how have the DC taken the news?

If he has told the kids already then he must be thinking of moving in with her quite soon. Which is why the rush to get the mortgage agreed of course. They'll be living together properly before Christmas, I imagine.

Otherwise there was absolutely no need to tell them yet, just let her be around every now and again and then they can 'suddenly develop feelings for each other' next year sometime.

Still, you knew all this. So much for him wanting to be on his own, eh? Hope he's happy living with loads of kids. I have a feeling that he'll find that the grass is distinctly less green than he imagined.

Cards on the table now. You can tell everyone that there is a reason for his inexplicable departure from the marital home.

Aww I'm so sorry. I've been following your thread. How are you feeling? I hope you're ok. When my ex left me for oh and it was confirmed, I felt relief, as odd as it sounds! I'd had my suspicions for so long but I ended up sounding like a 'psycho' - his words , whenever I questioned him about it.
I know you need to take each day as it comes but I really hope you can start to look forward now.
What a twat though. I bet he'll soon realise the grass isn't greener xx

And what an absolute c@@t for not telling you first. Gutless coward