not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Ah yes, the dick pics. Now, don't get me wrong, if I'm going out with someone and we're having sex then a nice, tasteful picture of his knob can be quite erotic (although I do prefer a full body AND knob - not just knob) but it's a bit much when you've never even met, unless of course, it's to entice you or (more likley) shock you. I've had one try to cajole me into sending the female equivelant by saying "are you too scared?" or "I bet you're not that exciting." wtf? One even sent me a still of him doing the deed with his ex

From what I've learned, men like to build up a 'collection' that they can ... erm... 'use' to pass the time in a pleasant manner and to catalogue their conquests. I don't know if they share them or not but I think it's highly likely. One man I know says that they have a 'best fanny shot' competition down the pub on a Friday night.

DrSeth Apparently videos are where it's at now. Pictures are old hat.

If I were twenty years younger I may be tempted but not at my age; I'd be worried that I'd be compared unfavourably with all the 20 year olds.

I've had my fair share of dick pics, some unwanted, some were erm, appreciated 😂

I've also sent some pics back, but no fanny shots😊

Whatever floats your boat!

Can I ask you all a question? How long after you lot became single did you start thinking about OLD?

Thanks ReCycled I was thinking early but just as a friend. I know my STBXH will try to cause problems so that is my next worry (still with OW he left me for but is control freak).

The photo thing would put me off. Once I've kissed a man, I'm happy to hear very explicit suggestions of massages etc. but photos seem OTT.

Lilly Four months after we actually split up after 10 years together but things had genuinely been "house mates" for a long time, both of us checked out long before and in separate rooms. Was still a bit too soon as it transpired. I have had female friends who started dating within two months after a six-year and -eight-year marriage. I don't think there is a fixed time; but it needs to be when you are definitely in the right place. It's not fair to potential daters if you're not.

The thing that shocks me about photos is that men send them so quickly now. I was happy to receive them from my ex-boyfriend as camera phones had just come out and it seemed fun but I never sent any back.

Since I got back into dating again this year in June, I've found that men sent them pretty quickly. One before I'd slept with him but I'd known him for a month and it was definitely on the cards, I just had to work up to it and he knew it another I've never met but spoken to and known of for 5 years. Still, on the plus side, it saves all the worry of what to do if you get down to business with a new man and unearth a micro penis... or a marrow. You know what you're getting iyswim (unless they've just nicked the images off the web.

Thanks to those of you who responded. It's too early for me yet, things are very recent and it was a 13 year relationship. I also have DC to consider. I guess I'll just wait until if feels right...if it ever feels right!

Lily I did the same thing. Posted on here to ask about dating after long marriage, and realised I wasn't ready. I came back on ss I'm now dating (about 8 mths after split).

When you start to want company for fun, and some of the previous stress is sorted, it feels easier.

I mean more intimate company, I'm sure you're hsppy for company with friends.

I got into old very quickly although we had about 6 months where we weren't properly separated but as soon as I knew it was over I joined pof, possibly even within days. I needed something to take my mind off it a d it worked! Made me realise what I'd been missing!

Was s risk though, could've been awful and gone the other way lol

I am shocked at the dick pics! Out of curiosity does the sending of an unsolicited dick pic mean a man is an instant write off for a relationship?

Thank you lilac good to know I'm not being daft.

Can someone post a link to the penetration mans thread. I can't find it.

^^ Lily I followed this thread for a few months then when I had free time I was getting bored with I jumped into old. Think about 4 months after my split. My split was a bolt from the blue I never saw coming so I came to terms with it quick in somes eyes but everybody is different and when your ready we'l look forward to the stories you'l share along with the rest of us.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2713481-Penetration-man

Here you go Minop

Lilly I've done internet dating on and off. I started years after I split but I had a succession of bad long term relationships so needed time for me. Everyone is different, I love being single.
Boo I just find dick pics so off putting! If we are together and away from each other, that's ok but when you've not even been there it sort of ruins it or as Single says pre-warns you to do a runner if it's a micro or a marrow

Re dickpics - I always say 'please dont send me a cockshot. It will give you more pleasure to send it than it will give me to receive it'.

Just makes me think of the butchers..

Mummy I do the same when we agree to swap numbers for whatsapp I say on condition no dick pics!

Kiki that's it I'm wondering if it will take my mind of things, if it will make me see there are possibilities for my future and get me to perhaps even to look forward to it. On the other hand though I don't want to end up depressed at the amount of weirdos and feel like I'll dry up and old shrivelled maid.

It's just I've never met anyone that way, I never even done dates of any kind. My 2 relationships I have had were borne out of friendships. I've never done/had the first spark of attraction thing (no matter how good looking a guy is) people always have to grow on me. I am not sure if that makes me picky of what, I'm not sure many men especially OLD guys are happy to wait around months for me to warm up and see if I like them. God only knows how long it would even take me to get to Luke warm after what I've been through lol.

I might just sit back and watch you guys till I'm ready to defrost

Hi all just popping in to say I've got my interview this morning so wish me luck! Been doing loads of prep for my presentation. I hate giving presentations but I'll just have to put my big girl pants on and get in with it! I do really want it, it's for a charity that supports victims of sexual violence and they seem a very good organisation.

And I've got a lunch date with the Frenchman afterwards so something to look forward to! 😀

Good luck destiny, have fingers crossed! Can empathise on the presentation front, I hate them too. I'm sure you'll be great with all the prep and lovely to have a date lined up afterwards

lily I signed up to OLD last month after being single for over 5 years. I was so scared- similarly all my prior relationships had arisen from being friends or colleagues first. I've only been on dates with 4 men so far; no intense sparks however despite that I have had some really lovely evenings/lunches and in one case so much laughter I was actually crying. It has also made me at times think badly of men- there are a lot of weird messages and as mentioned, cock shots- although at least I was asked first if I wanted 'pictures' so could decline! It's been a real mixture of interest, excitement and disappointment but nowhere near as terrifying as I thought- I wish I hadn't procrastinated for 18 months before signing up!

Good luck Destiny fingers crossed for you. Sounds like a great position. I hope your date with the French goes well too give us all the dirt afterwards

No news from my end - both irons gone quiet. I am still being hotly pursued by an ex though, who for some reason is now stalking me on social media daily.

Hi can I join in.
I've had several dates with a guy who usually would not be my type. However he is very witty and intelligent and we always have a good time.

I met him yesterday and something made me add him how old he was. Turns out he is almost 2 years older than his profile says, that still makes him slightly younger than me though and I don't have a problem with that.
He was honest as to why he had done it, stating that women who are 40 dismissed him straight away. He also said that he had dating a woman 5 years older than he is.

He then proceeded to tell me he had added an inch on his height. He said he read up about on line dating when he was getting nowhere and it was suggested to add on a Couple of inches if need be.

The thing is normally I would dismiss anyone who isnt a certain height and that would have ment I'd dismiss him.

I do like him but I'm wondering if him lying is a big red flag.

He has made no bones about the fact that he did it to increase his chances of meeting someone and it has worked.
What's the general consensus on this?

Destiny good luck with interview!

Hi Emily as it's early days and you have doubts I'd ask him outright what he thinks of lying while having a 'getting-to-know-you' type conversation. When asked directly most people would usually answer fairly quickly (e.g. saying white lies are ok but otherwise truth better), but if he struggles, or ties himself in knots, then I would think red flag.

People often say who they are, the listener then adapts it to what they want to hear. Not always in a helpful way!

You could also drop into conversation a story about a time that you've been significantly lied to, to see if he shows surprise and sympathy to you.

I wouldn't rule him out from what he's lied about at the moment, but it's not a great start.