not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I think if it's an actual date which the guy has invited you out for dinner then he should pay. If he doesn't I would just presume he's tight with money. I tend to make a half hearted gesture of splitting the bill but it's rarely taken up. Most men I know earn a lot more than me and I'm quite high maintenance so stuff like getting hair done, cosmetics, nice underwear etc costs me money! If he wants the company of an attractive woman then he should pay. Most men should want to impress you at the start. If they don't then you know they are going to be soooo lazy later on. IME 😀

Interesting, isn't it? Have you ever asked a man out, Destiny - if you initiate the date, presumably you would pay for it? If the man pays for the first date, would you pay for the second?

It was definitely the wine talking, I'd had quite a bit! It was fun though to be fair, I laughed a lot, the food was good and it was a place I wanted to try. When I paid, I said he could pay next time- he had suggested going out next Saturday to do an activity we'd been talking about. I only got irked when I sobered up and when he then revealed there wasn't going to be a next time. Oh well! Lesson definitely learnt.

itcuddles no not particularly mortified but perhaps I'm judging him by my own standards- I would have been red, flapping and sweaty. And he immediately asked for my bank details when he realised and said he wanted to pay. We'll see.

Sorry about French guy. It's so much worse when they act all keen and lead you to believe you'll hear more.

Seth I'm more likely to offer to make dinner TBH ( but only if it's reached the I want to shag them stage) 😀

Oh I see, the man isn't worth being taken out for a nice dinner. Cheapskate!

But I've done something much more personal and made them a lovely meal!

Sorry, Destiny, I was just a bit flabbergasted at you saying "If he wants the company of an attractive woman then he should pay" and "Most men should want to impress you at the start." The former sounds as if the clock of female equality just got put back to 1950 and the latter as if it's all about how much they are willing to spend on you. There are other ways to impress than money, you know.

I tend to agree with you, Waving. I am quite happy to pay for a first date and will always, actually insist on it, albeit politely.

I wonder how many men would choose not to see someone again if the woman made no offer to split the bill on a first date, or perhaps the second? Would they have every right, a la Destiny to think this woman was tight?

I think you should go start your own thread about this...😀

Destiny must admit your post about men having to pay for an attractive woman made me want to vom. Gross.

I've been talking to a lovely Greek man on tinder, spoke to him on the phone and we spoke for an hour and a half! He's really beautiful! And he's a chef! Seems very intelligent too. He suggested us going for dinner but I find that a bit awkward with someone I don't know so suggested a drink on Sunday night. I'm actually really excited!

Didn't mean to derail in any way, but I do think it is all part and parcel of the whole dating thing. On the thread, there has always been, understandably, a lot of talk about keeping lots of irons in the fire and such like and what are sensible expectations, and how women and men see dating in different ways.

I wonder if there are some men out there who back away because they feel a bit of a "meal ticket", just as some women might back away because they think the man should primarily be the one to pay and if not, he's tight? Maybe he's not tight, just feels things should be more evenly balanced?

Wasn't meaning to cast nasturtiums on anyone specifically, although appreciate it could be seen that way.

Claw thats very suspect isn't it, forgetting the wallet. Definitely get the money back from him considering he's not wanting it to go any futher!

Well, i'm in a muddle this morning. Does anyone else find potential dates are like buses? all come along at once? All has been quiet, and I was happy with my postponed date for Wednesday. Now have had a few offerings, and I kind of like them all! But definitely don't think I can cope with booking more than one date at a time. Do others do this? Do you feel guilty? Do i need to man up? Haha

Oh gosh, I seem to have inadvertently caused a row. I did (and do) offer to split the bill.

waving that's funny about your bikini shots. You obviously look totally gorgeous!

Hahaeek yes definitely like buses. After a glass of wine or two yesterday, I got quite confused in my head about what I'd been chatting online with yesterday's date and what was stuff I'd chatted about with tonight's date. Clearly my brain can't cope with more than one iron!

Mr Dr. Who I said I really fancied has just messaged me back. A simple message but at least it's better than nothing, so we'll see.
One of the others in comparison is none stop texting everyday! I'm about to be very rude to him although this seems to make him more keen

As for the bill, it would be fine if Claw had asked him out with the thought of paying for the whole bill! But he forgot hos wallet, so as there are to be no more dates it is fine to expect half the money back as it's a large amount!!

I don't think I would ask for half the money back, if he had his wallet(assuming he's really left it and wasn't just out for a free meal) he might have paid for the meal, or offered to. It is a lot of money to spend on a first date though! I don't get going for dinner on a first date, why not just a drink?

It wasn't my idea to go for dinner! I thought we were going for coffee and possibly a sandwich! I was taken back when we met and he said he'd booked a table and felt I should go with the flow. Totally agree, expensive French restaurant is not a good first date venue.

outnumbrd glad you got a message from mr dr who. Hope his messages warm up.

waving I am sure that your legs are not short and stubby!! And surely everyone has belly fat! The fact that you have great bikini shots is impressive in itself- and they are obviously going down well!!

Lilac and Wave - your body confidence chat has made me think how great getting into the dating game has been for my own body confidence! After last partner and MH issues I had zero - but finding a bloke who enjoys you physically is bloody wonderful! (And I'm no supermodel physique - a rather sturdy 5'2 with big boobs and biceps!)

Also, re: paying - in my mind, if you suggest something (activity, dinner etc), then one assumes that you will pay. It's always lovely to be offered half/paid for, but if I said "I'd love to go out for dinner on friday", it's only fair to ensure that I expect to pay.

Conversely, I always expect to split payment on dates / early relationship if the other party has suggested something. And drinks, well you just buy a round each?

Unless one party makes it very clear it's a treat. I've been booked a flight to Germany by my rather new and lovely 'manfriend'. He won't take any money for it, and says he wanted to give me a treat. I'm not going to feel guilty, even though I can't reciprocate financially - but I can do the little stuff (buying wine for dinner, nice pub meals etc) that he will appreciate.

I've thought about this whole issue a lot and if you add up the amount of money most women spend on hair, cosmetics, toiletries, waxing, clothes etc just to maintain themselves it adds up to a lot compared to what men spend on maintaining their physical appearance. Also most men my age who tend to be highly educated and professional earn 2/3 times or more what I earn. Therefore I don't have any qualms about a man paying for me on a first date. In a relationship that's different obvs.